Addictive Release
by Charmina
Summary: AU non-magic. Harry Potter has lead a difficult life and when his relatives send him to Mount Horizon High School, a progressive school for teens at risk, it will not get any easier.
1. I Found the Horizon

Disclaimer – I don't own neither Harry Potter nor Higher Ground, I'm just playing around for a bit. No profit is being made.

Author Notes – Alright, so I started this a couple of years ago but never finished it since I couldn't get a hold of the tv-series Higher Ground and didn't think I remembered enough of it to get all the points right. When I found it on my computer again today inspiration struck and I decided that it didn't matter if I got everything right because this is Fanfiction! I can change it however I like! And just like that I had written another chapter.

Summary: AU non-magic. Harry Potter has lead a difficult life and when his relatives send him to Mount Horizon High School, a progressive school for teens at risk, it will not get any easier.

Warnings: Sensitive subjects like cutting, bulimia and drugs, most probably slash of the male/male kind, possible OOC.

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**Chapter 1 – I found the Horizon**

_There's nothing to lose_

_When no one knows your name_

_There's nothing to gain_

_But the days don't seem to change_

_Nothing to lose – Billy Talent_

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It started with a silent night and it ended with a hollow shell. A boy that once was so vibrant, so glowing, fell before the world's injustice.

His descent was not slow or unnoticeable, and it was far away from pretty. He cracked at the edges and his pain leaked out for the world to see, but it only broke him further as he realised that no one cared enough to look. And so he crashed hard and fast, ruthlessly, and in the end the only thing that remained were small pieces too sharp for anyone to dare and try to pick up again.

A silent night and suddenly his whole world had fallen apart.

So he searched for his release, a way to make it all stop, to make the pain go away and the guilt to stop haunting him, but it only quickened his fall. For what release can there ever be found in an addiction? But he tried and he struggled and he told himself that it helped until one day he believed it. One day the cuts were all he had and he turned his eyes away as he saw the world slipping through his fingers.

*¤*¤*¤*¤*

It was a perfect summer day, only a light breeze rustling the trees, the sun beaming down on the warm earth, a few small clouds rolling across the sky and birds singing happily everywhere. He felt like throwing up, or perhaps just strangling those bloody birds.

Sitting in the backseat of his uncles car Harry Potter was not happy. He was as far away from happy as you could possible get and then some. Turning to sneer at the fat lump of meat in the seat next to him he at least felt some satisfaction in seeing his cousin shrinking away from him. Yes, Harry Potter in a not so pleasant mood was not one you wanted to be sitting next to.

If he had got his way he would be lazing about in the park back home where everyone had the sense to leave him alone, not sitting in this damned car on the way to some "progressive school for teens at risk". Snorting at the very idea he turned back to stare out the window and the passing landscape. It was not much to look at really, just trees, trees and more trees and that was all it had been for over an hour now. Of course they would place this thing as far away from civilisation as they possibly could, did not want the poor little children to run away now, did they.

As the car suddenly broke through the forest wall and slowed down Harry felt like strangling himself right then and there. They did not expect him to stay in a place like this! Whichever way you looked you could see mountains in the horizon, some tops covered in snow, followed by deep forests with this little camp looking like it had been dropped from the sky in the middle of nowhere. Small wood cottages were spread out over the settlement, seemingly randomly, with big fields of grass stretching between them. Tables and benches were placed all around too and everywhere he looked teenagers were milling about with big plastic smiles plastered all over their faces. It was as if someone had read a fairytale and suddenly made it all come to life. He shuddered at the mere sight of it.

The car groaned as his uncle climbed out of it and shut the door behind him with a bang, his wife and son hurriedly following his example. Burring his face in his hands and taking deep calming breaths Harry tried to wake himself up from this nightmare but his uncles heavy fist on the window forced him to face reality. This was not some crazy nightmare but the ugly truth. Of all the places to dump him, they just had to do it here.

He took his time getting out of the car, ignoring his uncle's insistent tapping and his aunts shuffling. It was their choice to be here and he would never hurry for their sake. Stretching his sore muscles and popping some joints he sighed loudly, throwing a defiant look at his uncle and enjoying the purple shade spreading over his face. Ordinarily he would be making sure that he did not push his uncle too far, knowing what a bad idea that was, but now, when they were dumping him here, he did not have to care about that. He could push as much as he wanted to and his uncle would not be able to do anything about it. Oh, the small joys of the world.

"Mr and Mrs Dursley?"

Harry looked up to see a man coming out of the cottage closest to them. He was tall, by Harry's standards at least, with short brown hair, a hard look and a no-nonsense aura radiating of him. He was heavily built, all muscles and strong lines, but the smile he directed at the Dursley's was nothing but pleasant. Harry felt an instant dislike for the man.

"Mr Scarbrow, I presume," Vernon Dursley answered back, all smiles and pleasantries even though Harry could see right through the charade.

"Peter, please, and welcome to Mount Horizon," the man answered back and shook hands with the two elder Dursley's before stepping back. "And which one of you is Harry Potter?"

Not at all in the mood to deal with all this, Harry just stayed silent and scratched absently at his right arm making Vernon sneer and point his meaty finger at him. "That one. He's been nothing but trouble since we took him in, the ungrateful little brat."

Peter seemed a little taken back by that response but recovered fast enough. "Yes, I understood you took him in when his parents died? Come this way, and we'll continue in my office."

Hurrying to keep an even pace with Peter, Vernon seemed to draw in a deep breath as he prepared to go in to full detail about his nephew and how he had destroyed his life. Harry rolled his eyes as he followed behind the rest of the Dursley's, having heard the same rant a thousand times before. It had hurt the first few years but he had learnt to ignore it. Sure, there was still the occasional twinge when his uncle struck a certain chord but he refused to show it to the man. He would never give him the satisfaction of knowing mere words could hurt him.

"Yes, nice people that we are we took the boy in when his parents went and got themselves killed. Weren't really surprised either, always meddling in things those two, no wonder someone got sick of it and did them in." Puffing out his chest Vernon continued angrily, "Very inconvenient for us of course, with me just being promoted and in the middle of moving here to the States, but they didn't think of that now, did they?"

Entering Peter's office Vernon sank down in a chair in front of the desk, his wife and son taking seats on either side of him while Harry stayed leaning against the wall. Peter went to a cabinet and rummaged around a bit before taking out a file and sitting down on the other side of the desk. Looking over the papers quickly he frowned before leaning back in his chair, eyes on Harry.

"So, Harry, want to tell me why you ended up here?"

Meeting Peters gaze straight on Harry only quirked an eyebrow at him. He knew this game and he was not playing it. The man had the damned file right in front of him and knew perfectly well why Harry's relatives had decided to dump him here; he was just fishing for some reaction out of him. Perhaps to complain about the unfairness of it all, yell a little and maybe cry a few tears, but that would not happen. Harry had been forced to deal with this kind of people too many times before and he had learnt what to expect of them.

"'Cause he's an ungrateful little whelp, that's why!" Vernon shouted, spit flying from his mouth. "Here we are, giving him a roof over his head and trying our best to keep him happy, and all he does is throwing it away and complain. Always want more!"

Throwing an uncomfortable look at Vernon, and seemingly trying to decide on a response to that outburst, Peter instead picked up the phone and pressed a button. "I'll just call for someone to come get Harry and let him settle in so we can talk in private for a minute."

Settle in, Harry shivered at the words. It made his skin crawl to think of himself trapped in this place, in the middle of nowhere. Of course, he would be happy to get away from the Dursley's a year before schedule, no complaints from him there, but did they really have to dump him here of all places? Were there really no better places to dump him? He could make a run for it, try and find his way through the forest, but the idea did not sit well with him. The nights were cold up here in the mountains and who knew how far it was to the nearest town? He did not even know in which direction to go.

When a big black man came in, flashed him a smile and told him to follow he sighed. This was so not his day!

*¤*¤*¤*¤*

Peter studied the kid as he stood leaning against the wall. He was short and skinny, looking a bit underfed, with black hair in a messy mop on top of his head. His jeans were a little too big in the waist but a leather strap kept them up, his black Converses were dirty and torn, the long-sleeved shirt a greyish colour, showing signs of once having been black, and over it he wore a dark green t-shirt with black tribels on the front. A pair of round glasses rested on his nose and covering the most startling pair of eyes Peter had ever seen. They were a brilliant shade of emerald, so intense and cold that he almost flinched back when they looked straight at him. But there was something else in them too, something hidden deep down under all the layers of indifference and coldness, and he thought he knew what it was. He had seen enough troubled teens to know the sadness they tried to hide.

But then there was another thing that caught his attention. Hidden under his fringe was a scar, shaped exactly like a lightning-bolt. It was in such a perfect shape that Peter could not help but wonder if it was a self inflicted one.

Frowning and turning to look at the rest of the family, Peter had a hard time believing that they were related at all. Sure, the woman might be skinny like her nephew but that was as far as similarities went. The rest of the family was heavy, to say the least, and he was a bit concerned that the chairs might actually fall apart under their weight. And he did not like the way this man talked, right in front of his nephew too. Peter had dealt with a lot of dysfunctional families over the years, it was his job, but these people really pissed him of. You did not talk about your family in that way, ever, and especially not right in front of them as if they were not even there. He wondered how many times the kid had been forced to hear talk like this to be able to ignore the stabbing words as if they did not concern him.

As Steve came and fetched the kid, Peter looked over the file again with a frown marring his face. "So Harry's been in your custody for nine years, since he was eight?"

"Yes, and bloody long years it's been," Vernon answered gruffly.

Peter nodded absently as he continued checking the file. Apparently the kid's parents had died in a car accident that summer on their way home from some charity event, leaving their son to the custody of his only living relatives. He had a godfather but for some reason, the file did not say why, the man had not been an option. Peter wondered what could possibly make that man unfit as a guardian in comparison with these people. A thought suddenly struck him and he read over the paper again.

"Didn't you say his parents were murdered?"

Vernon sneered. "Yeah, and not a big surprise either."

"But it says here that they died in a car crash?" Peter urged on.

"Of course, _those people_ don't want stuff like that coming out. Better pretending it was an accident," Vernon said, the sneer still on his face, and Peter could not help but notice the emphasis on 'those people'. But, considering the look Mrs Dursley threw here husband and the way Vernon's lips tightened, Peter guessed they had already said more then they should. Wondering what had really happened Peter still decided to drop the subject for now.

Looking at the Dursley's he fought to keep the sneer of his own face, but he really did not like them. "And how long has he been cutting?"

"How should I know?" Vernon yelled. "Can't keep track of the brat every second of the day, someone has to work to keep the food on the table!"

Peter pushed down on the wish to just hit the man and instead turned to his wife who had, up until now, stayed mostly silent. "And how about you, Mrs Dursley?"

Lifting her chin and looking down her nose at him she huffed. "I don't know, some time. Always wearing long sleeves no matter how warm it gets, how could I possibly know how long he's been doing it? But one day he spilled blood on my new Persian carpet and that was it!"

"Ungrateful brat," Vernon put in. "He's never been able to follow rules either and he's always getting in your face. It'll be good to get rid of him."

"Yes, well," Peter got out between clenched teeth before taking a deep breath, "I don't want to keep you any longer, you've got a long ride home."

"We bloody well do," Vernon answered as he got out of his chair and headed straight for the door, his family right on his heels as if they could not get out of here soon enough.

"I'll keep in touch to give you an update on Harry's progress," Peter called after them and sank down in his chair when all he got in response was an angry huff and a slammed door.

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	2. Left Behind

Disclaimer – Still don't own Harry Potter or Higher Ground. Don't sue!

Author Notes – Alright, as I said in the first chapter it's been a long time since I watched Higher Ground. That means the characters may be a bit OOC, some may not even show up and some events may have been deleted. If there is something in particular that you miss then let me know but other then that I claim fandom-privileges.

For update status and other information about the fic please visit Fanfiction Corner. Link can be found on my profile.

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**Chapter 2 –**** Left behind**

Susanna_: Everyone here is fucking crazy!  
_Dr Potts:_ You want to go home?  
_Susanna:_ Same problem._

_- Girl, Interrupted_

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Harry had been right; it really was not his day. After having been stripped searched for drugs, sharp items and what ever else they had decided to confiscate, he was now sitting in Peter's office truly fed up with this place. He could understand that they were not so fond of the razorblade they had found in the heel of his trusty Converses but was it really necessary to take away his lighter and pack of cigarettes? He was not addicted to them but he always liked to have something in his hands to keep them occupied with, and now he could not even play with the lighter. It was not like he was going to burn the place down! Thinking about it for a second, he took it back; they had steeled his lighter after all so they really had it coming.

Gazing up at Peter, who was currently looking through the box which held Harry's stolen belongings, he wondered if getting lost in the forest really was that bad in comparison. And when Peter finally sat back down in his own chair and leaned back with his arms crossed over his chest Harry knew that the day would not be getting better anytime soon.

"We've got a few rules here and they're real simple. There are no drugs, there's no sex, there's no inappropriate touching and there's no violence. The key to Horizon is that it's a safe place, it's a sanctuary. It's a place where you can go to take a break from all that crap that's going on outside in your life and learn to feel what you really feel." Peter said seriously and lifted an eyebrow when Harry snorted. "Something funny with what I just said?"

"How about all that touchy-feely stuff?" Harry asked in return. "Or perhaps that you think no-one's having any sex around here? I mean, come on, teenagers trapped in the middle of nowhere with nothing better to do?"

Peter unfolded his arms. "So, you're saying it would be a bad idea to leave you alone with any of the girls around here?"

Harry just quirked an eyebrow and grinned at him.

Peter stared hard at him for a second before getting up. "Come on, let's get going. I want you to join the rest of your group before the group-therapy session later."

Harry rolled his eyes but followed the man out the door. He had been in therapy sessions before, both group and singles, mostly on the schools orders. They always complained about his lack of interest in class and his tendency for always getting in to trouble, so they forced the Dursley's to do something about it. It usually did not last very long because the Dursley's soon got tired of driving him there every week and angry because no-one had the right to tell them what to do with their nephew anyway.

As they walked across the grounds Harry sneered at all the happily chatting people milling around. There really should be a rule against being overly cheerful, he decided, because if he had to deal with this much longer no-one could blame him if he decided to wipe the smile of someone's face. They probably would though, so a rule against it would be much better.

When they entered one of the cottages the loud noises inside made him pause in the door. A group of teenagers were sitting on various couches and armchairs around a small table laughing their heads of while one guy did a perfect impersonation of Peter, which really was impressive considering the look of the guy. He was pretty normal in height, a bit on the short side but still taller then Harry himself, and skinny, not at all like Peter's muscled body. His hair was dark brown and cut short, tough still curly, and his eyes was almost as dark as his hair. An easy-going smile lit up his face at the others continued laughter but it dropped immediately when there was a cough from the door. The corners of Harry's mouth twitched at the guy's horrified face as he stared at Peter who had, once again, crossed his arms over his chest.

"Peter," the guy finally shrieked, his voice breaking and he coughed once before continuing. "Didn't see you over there, man, when did you come in?"

"Oh, I'd say I was right on time," Peter answered sternly but loosened his posture as he turned to the group in general. "Cliffhangers, I'd like you to met your new team-mate; Harry," he said and motioned in Harry's direction.

There were a few silent moments before the startled group caught up with Peter's words and looked over at him. He stood impassive as he felt their eyes staring at him, judging him, his only move an unconscious scratching of his right arm as they started to walk towards him.

"Ah, a newbie," the brown-haired guy said with a large smile. "About time, I was getting sick and tired of these people."

"Shut it, Freakin, before I _make_ you shut it," a blond-haired girl said with a sneer.

Looking a bit scared the guy laughed nervously before turning back to Harry. "Don't worry about Shelby, her bark is bigger then her bite. I'm Ezra, by the way." A hiss from behind made him leap to the side just in time to avoid a punch from the girl.

"Shelby!" Peter warned but she only looked indifferently at him.

Turning to look at Harry her face softened in to a flirtious smile. "Want me to show you the bedroom?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea," another girl with brown hair said, glaring at Shelby's back.

"Oh, thinking, Princess?" Shelby said without taking her eyes of Harry. "Watch it, you might hurt yourself."

"Or she might do it for you," Ezra said in a stage-whisper to the Mexican guy standing beside him who, in turn, put a protecting arm around the other girl's waist.

"Stuff it, Shelby," he said angrily.

Shelby just sighed dramatically, swiping the back of her hand over her forehead, and gave Harry a wink before strutting over to fall gracefully down in to an armchair. "The offer still stands."

"She can be a real bitch sometimes," the other girl said with a glare at Shelby before turning to Harry with a smile. "I'm Jules."

"And I'm Auggie. Welcome to Horizon," the Mexican guy said and reached out an arm to slap Harry on the back.

Seeing the motion Harry quickly side-stepped it, making Auggie hit nothing but air and lose his balance in the process, only just being able to stay on his feet. He gave Harry a confused look as he straightened up but was only met by an icy glare. There were a few things Harry did not tolerate, imposing on his personal space was one of them and it was better if people got that right away.

Giving Peter a look he ignored the other teenagers. "So, my bed is where?" At Peter's direction he quickly walked away and slammed the bedroom door behind him.

*¤*¤*¤*¤*

"Nice guy," Scott commented from his seat in an armchair, having not bothered to get up and greet the new guy.

"Yeah, 'cause you sure were the picture of a gentleman when you first arrived," Shelby said with a smirk. "So talkative and out to make friends."

"He's probably just nervous, being in a new place an' all," Jules said as she sat down on one of the couches, Auggie right beside her.

"Dunno," he said, a confused frown still on his face, "seemed like trouble too me."

Jules smiled at him and patted his knee. "It's just the alpha-male in you, afraid of a little competition."

Auggie spluttered indignantly and glared at his girlfriend, who just grinned even bigger. "That wasn't competition, he'd fall over if I so much at blew at him!"

"Yeah, he was a bit scrawny," Ezra said with a thoughtful look before turning to Peter. "So, what's he in for?"

Shaking his head at them, Peter sighed. "You know I can't tell you that. If he wants you to know he will tell you himself."

"Aw, man, just this once?" Ezra wined.

"No. I have to go check up on him. Group's in half an hour." Peter said and walked after Harry in to the boys' bedroom, closing the door firmly behind him.

"My guess is bulimic," Ezra said as soon as they were alone again. "That kid needs some serious fat on him!"

"That's only your excuse for trying to get someone else to stuff their face," Shelby said irritably.

Ezra gave her a huge smile. "You're just jealous because I can eat as much as I want without getting fat."

Shelby sneered and was just about to retort when Scott cut her of. "Looked like a junky to me. With those bags under his eyes and the way he kept scratching his arm."

"Aw, just leave him alone," Jules said. "He's been here like maybe an hour and you guys are already picking him apart. Give him a break."

"Chill, Princess, no need to go in to protective-mood."

"I'm not! It's just . . ."

"It's just Jules being Jules," Auggie said with a smile and kissed her on the cheek, getting a giggle out of his girlfriend.

"Ew, don't make me thrown up," Shelby said with a groan just as the bedroom door opened and Peter came out again. Taking a look around he than turned back to them.

"Where's Daisy?"

"Out playing psycho-killer," Shelby said as she leaned back in her armchair, staring at her fingernails.

"She's chopping wood," Auggie explained.

Peter nodded and headed for the door. "I'll go get her and then group starts, so don't go anywhere."

"Sir, no sir!" Ezra called after him before turning back to the others. "So, how'd you think the newbie Groups?"

*¤*¤*¤*¤*

Harry sighed as he fell down on his new bed. Peter had gone over the whole routine, the I'm-here-for-you-talk, before he left and Harry had only given him a sarcastic reply and brushed him of. He had heard it all before, all those teachers and shrinks who tried to make him open up and pretended that they cared, and he was sick of it. They did not know, could not understand and they never really cared about him, but still they pushed as if that would somehow make it better. But it did not. Nothing made it better.

Rolling over on his stomach he buried his face in the pillow. Why could not people just leave him alone, was that really too much to ask? He managed on his own, he got by even tough he sometimes felt like giving up, so why did they have to push? What did it matter to anyone else what he did with his life, with his own body, when they did not even care about him? Was it some race to score points, 30 points for getting him to open up, 50 if you can get him to cry?

He did not understand it but over time he had started to learn how to deal with it. They might pretend to care but after a while they all got sick of it when they did not make any progress. He was en expert in masking his feelings, hiding his thoughts and flipping people of. He could make even the calmest person pull their hair out in frustration or throw him out of their office in anger. Everyone was different but he always found the right trick to get them of his back. He might not have found Peter's yet but he would.

An unwanted thought crossed his mind but once there he could not force it away. What would his parents think of him now? He shivered as he pictured them before him, anger and disappointment in their eyes. Maybe they would hate him.

No, it did not matter! They were dead, long gone, and they were never coming back. He had not been the one to leave, they left him, and so what right did they have to judge him? None, not the slightest! They dumped him with the Dursley's and forced him to manage on his own, so they had no right to disapprove of what he did to get by.

Sitting back up, he leaned his back against the headboard. This was not right. He had not even been here two hours and this place was already getting to him. He needed to pull himself back together before Group, not walk in with his heart on his sleeve like this. Drawing a hand through his hair he took a deep breath and slowly let it out. This place was like all the others, sure they dumped him in the middle of nowhere but it was still the same kind of people with the same notion that if he just opened up everything would get better. He could deal with that.

He shook his head and laughed at himself. No need to get this worked up over nothing, after all this would be just like every other time where they soon learned that he would not cooperate with their ideas and they would send him straight back to the Dursley's. The only difference being that this time he would not stay there. He had thought he could make it through the last year before he became an adult but this showed him that it really was about time that he moved on, got as far away from the Dursley's as he possibly could before they got any other ideas. Yes, he would just have to wait until they shipped him out of here again and then he would be free.

Getting of the bed, Harry slowly stretched before heading towards the door. This place was not so different from all the others; he would probably be out in a week.

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	3. What's Your Dream?

Disclaimer – Don't own so don't sue!

Author Notes – Just want to take the time to say a big thank you to Kritin and SPEEDIE22 for your reviews! You make it worthwhile to keep posting. Thank you!

Oh, and I really like this chapter so I hope you do too!

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**Chapter 3 –**** What's your dream?**

_What can the damned really say to the damned?_

_- Interview with the Vampire_

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"Alright people, settle down," Peter called with an irritated huff.

All of the Cliffhangers were sitting in armchairs and on couches around him and it was easy to see how different they were in personalities. Ezra was constantly talking, as if one second of silence would kill him, Jules and Auggie were pretending to listen to him while really sneaking glances at each other every few seconds, Shelby was glaring at everyone and everything and Scott simply looked bored out of his mind. Then there was the schools resident goth girl, Daisy, who often was freakishly insightful and honest, though her morbid sense of humour often made people vary of her. Harry would probably be one of those, considering that Daisy had been staring at him non-stop, hardly even blinking, since he took seat on the armchair closest to her end of the couch.

Peter could not stop the small smile on his lips as he looked at the poor kid squirming and trying to glare daggers at Daisy every few seconds, not that it made her look away. It seemed like the girl had found her new pet-project and Harry would soon find out that when she sat her mind on something she would not leave it half-done.

"Hey, man, can't we talk about something fun for a change?" Ezra asked, breaking Peter out of his thoughts.

"And what would you consider fun?"

"I don't know; football, music, maybe chocolate cake?"

"Yeah, really excellent ideas, I'll keep them in mind for next time," Peter said sarcastically.

"Good!" Ezra said with a happy smirk. "'Cause we're not that fond of lying here at Horizon."

Peter sighed and decided it would be best to ignore Ezra for the time being. "The subject today is dreams."

"Nightmares?" Daisy asked, never taking her eyes of Harry. The small boy tensed for a second before shooting her another glare and sinking back further in his armchair.

"No, dreams as in maybe hopes for the future, things you've always wanted or wished for. What ever comes to mind, even if it doesn't seem possible that you'll ever have it." Peter explained.

"So you don't want to hear about the dream I had last night?" Ezra asked. "'Cause it had pink elephants, an ocean made out of chocolate sauce, flying guinea pigs and everything!"

"You're such a freak, Freakin," Shelby said with a sneer and a flick of her blonde hair.

"Hey now, no need for name calling," he answered with a laugh.

Tiredly running a hand through his short hair Peter sighed. He loved these kids, he really did, but sometimes they got on his nerves. "Why don't you start, Shelby," he said, hoping to get them back on track.

"I dream of a house with a white picket fence, a loving family and a golden retriever. And of course the sun should always shine, everyone will be happy and there is no more poverty in the world," she said with a straight face before widening her eyes. "Oh no, that was your dream, Princess!"

"Shut it, Shelby," Jules hissed in return.

"Oh yeah, forgot the hot Mexican!"

"Alright, that's enough!" Peter yelled. "One more time and you'll both be on kitchen duty for a month."

Snorting, Ezra leaned back on the couch and stage whispered to Scott on the armchair next to him, "Yeah, that's fair. They're the once fighting and we're getting poisoned."

"Could be better then hearing their constant bitching," Scott responded. "Put us out of our misery, you know."

"Ok, Auggie," Peter said after taking a few calming breaths. "What's your dream then?"

Leaning back on the couch he was silent for a few moments before answering. "Don't really know. College would've been cool, I guess, but fat chance of that."

"Why not?" Peter asked. "You're smarter then you think."

"Yeah, but not any richer"

"There are scholarships, and I know you're not afraid to work hard."

"God, this is just too cheesy," Shelby said, burying her face in her hands. Just as Peter opened his mouth in warning she looked up again. "No, seriously! Dais', ain't you got something? Gotta be a lot more fun then this."

Still not taking her eyes of Harry, Daisy frowned. "Yeah, but they're not very supportive in this place. Shredding my copies of Mortuary Sciences Monthly, you'd think they don't want me to have a career."

"Or maybe they don't want you going chop-chop on all of us," Jules said with a smile.

"Nah, she only goes bang-bang with golf clubs," Auggie laughed.

A crocked smile playing on her lips, Daisy sighed. "Good times, good times." Sobering again in a heartbeat she fixed her gaze on Harry, who was leaning back in his armchair and staring out the window with a far-away expression on his face. "So, what you dreaming?" she asked, reaching forward and poking him on the shoulder.

Jumping in surprise he swung around to face her. "What!?" he yelled, his glare firmly in place again.

"What are you dreaming?" Daisy repeated, this time a huge smile on her face.

Staring at her like she was crazy, which he probably thought she was, it seemed to take a few seconds for the words to sink in, but when they finally did he narrowed his eyes. "None of your bloody business."

"Oh, you're a britt!" Ezra exclaimed.

Turning his glare at the other boy, Harry sneered. "And you're annoying."

Barking a laugh, Shelby leaned forward on the couch, elbows on her knees and chin resting on her entwined hands. "Damn, I think I like this kid," she proclaimed, smiling at Ezra's indignant face.

"What you doing here in the States?" Jules asked, giving Shelby a sidelong glance before focusing all her attention at the boy in front of her. "Your dad got a job here or what?"

When Harry's only response was silence Ezra smiled. "Let me guess. None of your bloody business?"

"Watch it or you might just get bloody," Harry hissed at him, causing Shelby to laugh so hard she almost fell of the couch.

"Harry, back of!" Peter yelled. "And Ezra, keep quiet."

"Perhaps bloody like them," Daisy said in a dreamy voice, eyes intent and staring at Harry who spun around to face her and everyone else grew quiet.

"What?" he asked, the glare gone and replaced with trepidation.

"Or maybe like you." Her head tilted to the side as she studied him. "They started to bleed and you just can't stop. It flows freely, because if it don't then they're no longer here."

The tension was suddenly thick in the room as everyone stared at the two teenagers, and Peter did not know if he should step in and stop it before Daisy said too much or just let it play out. She really was insightful at times but it was not always a good thing, and he could not help but wonder how Harry would react to this.

"You're crazy," Harry said at last, but there was a small shiver in his voice now and his face had lost all colour, making him look as white as a ghost. "Fuckin' raving."

"Probably," she admitted. "But at least I'm not bleeding."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Harry said, unconsciously scratching his right arm whose fingers was digging so hard in to the armrest that his knuckles had turned white.

"You do, but sometimes it's hard to admit. 'Cause if you admit it, then people will know, and people aren't always understanding."

His eyes wide and his breathing heavy, Harry stared at her for several long seconds before he jumped of his armchair as if burned. He tightly wrapped his right arm over his stomach and the left hand sneaked up to touch the lightning bolt scar on his forehead before stroking it through his hair. "You don't know," he hissed coldly, making the hairs on Peter's neck stand up. "You don't know a bloody thing." Giving her one final glare, he spun around and practically ran for the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

"Guess we know what he's in for now," Ezra said, breaking the heavy silence that had fallen over the room and looking around at all the stunned faces.

Shaking her head, Shelby stared at the girl next to her on the couch. "Daisy, you're so way creepy sometimes."

"At least she makes things a bit exciting," Scott said.

"I think that's enough for today," Peter said wearily. Maybe he should have stepped in, the kid had looked really rattled, but it might have been a good thing. Daisy was not a mean girl, she only meant well, and this could very well be the kind of thing Harry had needed, to be shaken up a little and realise that people here might actually understand him. And he would have run in to Daisy sooner or later, so perhaps it was better that it happened right away. Casting a glance at the girl in question he noticed the gleam in her eyes and knew that this was not the last time she would confront the new kid like that.

Getting up from his chair he headed for the door. "It's getting late, you should all go to bed."

"Yeah, all this drama is getting to me," Ezra said with a shake of his head. "Feel like I could sleep for ages."

"That's 'cause you probably could."

Walking out the door Peter did not hear the last of the conversation, but there was so much going through his head that he would not have paid it much attention anyway. This new kid was a mystery, that was one thing that was certain, but perhaps there was even more to him then Peter had first suspected. There was more going on here then the Dursleys had told him and he started to wonder what it was they did not want to tell him about the death of Harry's parents. It had not been a normal car crash, he was sure of it, but then what had happened? Vernon said that they had been murdered, but why? And who did he mean with _those people_ who supposedly wanted to cover it up?

Sighing he ran a hand over his tired eyes. He would have to look in to it, but not tonight. It had been a long day and if the coming week would be as intense as this he would need a good night sleep first.

*¤*¤*¤*¤*

Harry was already in bed when Scott and the rest of the guys came in, his quilt covering all of him but the little tuft of raven locks that peaked out. His breathing looked even but Scott was not sure he was actually sleeping. He had only been alone in here a few minutes before they came in, and the guy must have been dead tired if he fell asleep that fast.

"Think he's a heavy sleeper?" Ezra asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Don't," Auggie whispered, shoving him towards his bed. "Or I won't stand in the way if he decides to kill you."

Pouting, Ezra quickly got out of his clothes and jumped in to bed, the muttered "Spoilsport," almost inaudible.

As Scott got out of his own clothes and got ready for bed he could not help but glance over at the new kid. He had the bed right next to him and from this side he could see Harry's face peaking out between the covers. Asleep or not, he looked sort of peaceful lying there, not at all like the angry kid he had seen earlier. His face was more relaxed in sleep and lost that guarded look that had been on it when he was awake.

When he had first seen Harry his shackles had gone right up. He did not know why but the kid had made him vary, a feeling Scott did not like one bit. But the more time he had been around him he had started to realise why Harry had that effect on him. He reminded him of himself when he had first got here. He had been angry and short-tempered too, and not the least bit out to make friends, and he could see all that in Harry. He did not know what had happened to the kid but he was getting more and more interested in finding it out.

Getting under his covers Scott gave the kid one last look before rolling over and trying to fall asleep. Harry was a mystery, but he would try his best to figure him out.

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	4. Morning Has Broken

Disclaimer – Still don't own them and still not making any profit.

Author Notes – It's kinda disappointing how few reviews this story is getting (_and yes, this is me begging for more_) but I guess that Higher Ground isn't a very big fandom and especially crossed with Harry Potter. And yes, I do know that might not be the reason for the lack of reviews but I feel better thinking that it is then to think that my story just sucks!

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**Chapter 4 –**** Morning Has Broken**

_Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be_

_So together, but so broken up inside_

_Behind These Hazel E__yes – Kelly Clarkson_

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Harry bolted up in bed with a strangled cry, hands shaking and sweat covering his whole body. He took several rushed breaths before the panic started to settle and his heart calmed down to a normal pace. Wrapping his arms around his bent legs and leaning his forehead against his knees he tried to compose himself. Nightmares were nothing new to Harry but this one had had an intensity to it that he had not had to deal with for a while.

Taking a deep breath he untangled himself from his sheets and silently placed his feet on the cold hardwood-floor. Glancing at the other beds, making sure he had not woken anyone else, he stood up and moved slowly across the room and out the door.

The room outside was dark and silent, only the smallest sliver of moonlight creping in through the windows, as he moved toward one of the armchairs and fell down on it. He pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around them again before sighing heavily and letting his head fall back.

Harry hated nightmares. Scratch that, he bloody despised them! Was it really that much to ask that he, for just one night, could sleep all the way to morning? He could not even remember the last time that happened.

He had still been awake when the rest of the guys had come in to the bedroom but, too riled up and shaky, he did not have the strength to deal with them. He was thankful that the annoyingly cheerful Ezra had not tried anything but the feeling of being watched had made his skin crawl. So he was the new kid, that did not give them the right to stare at him even if they did not think he noticed. He had always hated when people stared.

But they had reason to stare, did not they? After that performance in group, his own personal little freak-out, of course they would stare. He had been as jumpy as a flipping dolphin!

That girl – Harry shivered – she had seen right through him. He had felt her eyes on him from the moment he stepped foot inside the room and her creepy gaze had not wavered for second. He had done everything he could to make her turn away, not many could withstand his patented Potter-glare, but she just smiled at him and said things that made his heart stop.

She could not know. That was not possible. But then why did she say what she did? Was he that transparent? No, he could not be. No-one had ever seen through him before and he only got better and better at hiding. But she had known. Somehow she had been able to see right through him. She had seen what he was, somehow put words on something he had never been able to express, and it scared the hell out of him.

People did not care. He knew that – had learnt it the hard way – and because of that they were not supposed to know, because if they knew but did not care it hurt and he was so sick of hurting. But if they did not know then it did not matter. He might never admit it but if they did not know he could pretend that if they did they would actually care and then things might get better. That if they knew there might be a light at the end of the tunnel.

And then this girl came – this freakishly insightful girl – and she turned his whole world upside down. She knew. Did she still not care?

Rubbing a hand over his face he drew in a shaky breath and let it out in a whoosh. Hours. He had only been here a few hours and already there were cracks in his façade. If Vernon were here he might have actually kicked him in the groin for leaving him in this place.

*¤*¤*¤*¤*

Pushing the porridge around in his bowl Harry wanted to scream. Having stayed up the rest of the night, afraid of what might wait for him in his dreams, he was in a fowl mood and sitting in a bright dining-room with dozens of overly cheerful teenagers who just did not know how to shut up was not his idea of a good time. Was he really the only anti-morning-person in this place? Sure, having lived with the Dursleys for years forced him to wake up early every morning, nightmares or no nightmares, but that did not mean he had ever learned to like it. And really, waking up after only a few hours of restless sleep and being forced to make breakfast for a family that might or might not give you some of their leftovers would make anyone hate mornings.

Admitting that the porridge was a lost cause he pushed the bowl away with a sneer. You would think that people would understand that making breakfast look like vomit might not be such a good idea.

"And what have the evil porridge done to deserve that look?" Ezra asked as he dropped down in the seat opposite Harry, his own bowl filled to the brim and porridge splashing over the sides as he put it down, not to gently, on the table.

Harry made a face at the mess before turning his glare at the brunette.

"Yeah, yeah, none of my bloody business, I know!" Ezra laughed with a dismissive hand gesture.

"Can't you take a hint?" Harry bit out between clenched teeth as he watched Ezra scoop the disgusting substance in to his mouth at an inhuman pace.

"I'm real good at hints," Ezra defended. "I'm also real good at ignoring them."

Harry opened his mouth to respond only to be interrupted by Shelby as she sat down on his right. "Yes, just like table-manners apparently."

Ezra gave her a wounded look as Scott and Daisy sat down on either side of him and Jules and Auggie sat down on Harry's left. "I happen to be a starving boy; I don't have time for manners."

"Yeah, the risk of you starving to death keeps me up at night," Shelby said with a straight face, "with happiness."

Harry tuned out Ezra's hurt response as he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Turning slowly he met Daisy's stare from across the table and a shiver went up his spine. There was a small smile playing on her lips, not necessarily a happy one but more of a I-know-you're-secret kind of smile, and a glint in her eyes that told Harry that she was not done with him yet.

Shaking his head in an attempt to get her out he turned away and for the first time noticed the all out argument that had broken out between Shelby and Ezra with Jules and Auggie trying to calm them down. Scott was just leaning over the table, arms crossed, with a resigned look on his face as if this happened every day. Looking at the others Harry guessed that it did.

"Would you all just bugger of!?" he yelled at last and was immediately rewarded with silence as everyone turned to look at him. Rubbing his temples in an attempt to calm the headache he felt coming on he sighed. Bloody Dursleys for leaving him here.

"You know, I've always thought britts were sexy," Shelby mussed and Harry turned his glare on her. "That whole James Bond accent. And well," her eyes trailed up and down Harry's body before meeting his eyes, a smirk grazing her lips, "you don't disappoint."

He heard Jules groan on his other side and in the corner of his eye he saw the faint motion of her hands coming up the cover her face. "Shelby," she squeaked from behind her hands, exasperated and with a hint of warning.

Harry wanted to bang his head against the table. This was not the first time a girl hit on him, and it certainly would not be the last, but what was it about him being British that made every girl think it was open season? And why, apparently, did they all think noting that he was in fact British, as if he did not know that, was the best way to pick him up?

Clearing his face and quirking his eyebrow he met her gaze full on. "Yeah?" he said, a small smirk grazing his lips as she leaned towards him.

"Yeah," she said, her tongue coming out to wet her lip. "You got that bad boy vibe about you. Like you don't give a shit about anything and if anyone stands in your way you'll just take 'em out."

"And that's a good thing?" Harry heard Ezra whisper to Daisy and even without looking at her Harry could practically feel her stare breaking right through him.

Focusing back on Shelby Harry let his eyes drop down to her lips for a second before meeting her gaze again. "Well, you got that right," he said. "And right now you're in my way."

Before Shelby had a chance to process his words he pushed her away, hard enough the make her fall of her chair and yell in surprise as she landed in a heap on the floor. Standing up he smirked down on her. "Don't get up, I'll find my own way out." Walking out of the room Harry heard Ezra's cheerful "Swing and a miss" before the door closed behind him.

Breathing in the obscenely fresh air – really, it did not even taste right without at least some pollution in it – he walked over to one of the benches and sat down. Girls, really, when would they learn? Chuckling to himself he stared in to the forest just yards away from him. How much time would it take to cross it? Was it hours or days? Weeks maybe? He had always been fast, his slim built coupled with Dudley's favourite sport – Harry hunting – giving him lots of practice, and he could work on a very small amount of food, thanks to the Dursley's, but the main problem was how he would find his way. He did not have a compass and even if he did he would not know which way to go.

As much as he hated it here it seemed like he would have to stay.

Someone sat down beside him and he was not really surprised when he looked up and saw that it was Daisy. Harry sighed, not only would he have to suffer her creepiness when forced to be in the same room as her, now she was showing stalking tendencies to. Oh, the joy!

"You're good at mind-games," she said and Harry did not like the look in her eyes.

"Yeah, well . . ." he trailed of, uncomfortably looking away from her. It was not like he was scared of her or anything, she was just a girl, but he did not like what came out of her mouth. He kind of hoped that the night before would be a onetime thing but he seriously doubted it. When had his luck ever been that good?

"Have to be to keep them out. Keep them of. You don't like them in your head or in your space."

"Bugger of," Harry said but it sounded weak even to him. He usually thought of himself as a strong person, not easily rattled and not someone who took things lying down, but something about this girl just messed him up. With just a few words she could completely crush his confidence and get him all flustered. He did not like it.

Daisy's smile just widened at his brush of and it made him squirm. His left hand came up and wrapped around his right wrist, his thumb moving in circles over the fabric of his long-sleeved shirt. God, could not she just leave him bloody well alone?

Daisy's eyes lowered to his arm and the smile dimmed a little. "Your good at mind-games but they don't make things better. Sometimes the truth hurts less."

Harry snorted and looked up at her, trying his best to regain the confidence she seemed to seep out of him. "Yeah, since when?"

Daisy's smile came back in full force again and he had to force himself not to look away. "Since forever. But you haven't tried enough to see that yet. Trial and error and all that." She stood up and with a parting smile she started to walk away.

When she had walked a few feet and Harry finally thought he was rid of her for now her last words, thrown over her shoulder as if it was no big deal, almost made his heart stop.

"Tell her you don't swing that way and she'll leave you alone."

*¤*¤*¤*¤*


	5. Ready, Set

Disclaimer – Seriously, I'm unemployed! Don't sue because I really haven't got the money to spare!

Author Notes – You should feel lucky that I'm enjoying writing this story and doing it for my own pleasure.

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**Chapter 5 –**** Ready, Set . . .**

_Some people are born victims._

_- Kali, The Crow: City of Angels_

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Pacing back and forth in the bedroom Harry thought he might actually be going insane. He had been so confident when he got here – barely 24 hours ago – so sure that he could get himself out of this place so fast that this would all feel like a bad dream that faded from his mind as soon as he opened his eyes. But now he was not so sure anymore.

That girl – that crazy fucking girl – she knew! He did not understand how it was possible but somehow she did. Not even a day and she had torn him apart and seen what no one else was ever supposed to. He did not want her to see! No one was allowed to! Seeing meant pain, meant rejection, and he had had enough of that to last him a lifetime. Seeing meant that they got close and it hurt even more when they left, just like –

No, he would not go there! That was over with, in the past, there was no use bringing it up again. What happened happened and that was that.

A choked sob and he wanted to scream. Christ, he could not deal with this!

Spinning around Harry knelt down by his bed and pulled out his rucksack, which was still fully packed, from under it. He had not bothered to unpack it, not that there was much to unpack in the first place, because he did not want to give them the impression that he planned to stay here. Well, now he was not.

Standing up again he threw the bag over his shoulder and headed for the door but only got a few steps before the door opened to reveal Scott who stopped short when he noticed Harry. They stared at each other for a moment, Scott's eyes shifting to Harry's bag before meeting his gaze again, and then Scott walked in and closed the door behind him.

"Going somewhere?" he asked, leaning back against the door and crossing his arms over his chest.

Harry sneered at him. "What do you care?"

Scott smirked and Harry wondered what it would take to wipe it of his face. "Not much, really," Scott admitted and shifted his weight. "But Daisy said some cryptic things about people who needed to take care of each other and prevent others from making the same mistakes as they did. Then she said I needed to get something from here."

"That so?" Harry said and for the first time took the time to really study the other boy. He was tall – freakishly so compared to Harry's small state – with short, blond hair that was just long enough on the top to show signs of wanting to curl. His eyes were a stunningly blue, his skin lightly tanned and his frame lean with just the right amount of muscles. If Harry had to bet he would place his money on Scott being a football-player. "Well, you can tell her to mind her own fucking business."

Scott chuckled, the sound warm and sincere as it played around the room, and Harry turned his glare on him. "Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen," Scott said at last and smiled at Harry. "Now, why don't you put the bag down?"

"Fuck no."

"Alright," Scott said, his smile dimming and Harry hated himself for the fact that he actually missed it. "Then I'm not moving."

Snorting, Harry felt the corner of his mouth twitch. "And what makes you so sure I won't just make you move?"

The blonde looked him up and down and Harry felt a shiver run through him before Scott met his eyes again and lifted his eyebrow. "And what makes you think you'd be able to?"

Harry sneered at him. He knew he was short and skinny, not getting enough food while growing up did that to people, but he hated when people underestimated him because of it. He had learnt a long time ago that you did not survive if you could not defend yourself. "Move out of my fucking way," he hissed and then wanted to scream in frustration as Scott only smiled at him.

Spinning around he started to pace again. "Fuck!" he yelled, hands fisting by his sides. "Don't you people get it? I just want to be left alone!" He spun around and faced Scott who still stood leaning against the door. "Why can't you just bloody well leave me alone?"

"'Cause then I would have a very upset Daisy on my case and you would just land yourself in trouble," Scott answered calmly. "And besides, you're a Cliffhanger now and we Cliffhangers work as a team. One for all and all for one and all that shit."

Harry stared at him for a moment, eyes wide and unbelieving, before he spun around again and, with a yelled "Son of a bitch", hit his fist against the wall. It bloody well hurt but he was too angry to care as he slammed it against the wall again. He could feel the skin breaking and the small trickle of blood that seeped out but it did not matter. It was not even close to enough.

Hitting the wall one last time Harry then turned around and leaned against it. Scott had straightened up and moved a step closer, his eyes wary as he took in the mangled state of Harry's hand, but he did not say anything.

Taking a moment to calm his breathing down Harry let his eyes close. "You don't get it," he whispered. "No one ever fucking gets it. They all say that they're gonna help but they can't because they don't even care. How can you fix something if you don't even care that it's broken?" His hand trailed down to scratch idly at his arm, trying to cure an itch that never went away. "But it doesn't matter because I'm fine. I don't need their help, I just want to be left alone."

He was scratching harder now, nails digging in to skin as his sleeve moved up, and he opened his eyes as he heard Scott moving towards him.

The blonde stopped right in front of him, looking in to Harry's eyes for one long moment as if trying to solve a difficult puzzle before he turned his eyes down to Harry's arm and gently stopped his hand from scratching. Harry watched silently as he let the other boy remove his hand and then lift the sleeve all the way up to his elbow.

"Shit," Scott hissed as he looked at the old scars littering Harry's arm and the new wounds he had just scratched open. Some blood leaked out but it wasn't much and Harry knew that most of the blood on his arm came from the wounds on his knuckles.

"Yeah," he whispered, still not taking his eyes of his arm. "Shite."

*¤*¤*¤*¤*

Peter rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. It had been a long day and now he just wanted to get home and get in to bed, not stay here in his office and finish up on all the paper work. Taking a sip of his coffee, frowning when the now cold liquid touched his tongue, he sighed.

He had spent some hours trying to look in to the new kid's, Harry Potter's, background but it was difficult to say the least. Not only did it seem like the Dursleys had done their best to keep him hidden, as if they did not really want anyone to associate the kid with them, but the fact that he had lived his early years in Britain made it all the harder.

The file which contained all the information he had gathered from the Dursleys as well as various school records, grades and psychiatry evaluations spoke of the same things as well as being totally different. The family seemed to be of the opinion that the kid was a smart-mouthed troublemaker who did not do well in school not only because he did not try but mostly because he was not smart enough.

However much others seemed to agree with the family about Harry's smart-mouth and distinct lack of making an effort with his grades they did question his intelligence. Even tough his grades never rose above average both his teachers and his psychiatrists thought the kid showed a definite astuteness and a quick mind. They also seemed to agree that those were the reasons the kid always found himself in trouble. Apparently they thought a smart mouth and intelligence was not the best combination.

Peter had met his fair share of smart-mouthed kids, Shelby being a prime example, and he knew it was often a defence mechanism. It was easier to throw others of their guard then it was to let them get close. Mouth of and people, even tough wanting to help, eventually backed of and gave up.

But there was something about this kid, Peter could feel it in every bone of his body, but he just could not figure out what it was. He was already certain that there was more to the Potters death then the Dursleys had told him and because of that he had tried to search the internet. It had given him bit more information but not enough.

Apparently the whole family – Harry and his parents James and Lily – had been driving home from a charity event when, for some reason, the car had spun of the road. James had died instantly but Lily had been able to get the 8-year-old Harry out of the car before she had died of blood-loss. Harry had been found next to his mothers dead body, awake but unresponsive with only minor physical injuries.

Peter shook his head with a sigh. That right there was enough to make a kid troubled for life but, if he was right, there was still more to the story.

He had also found some background information about Harry's parents. James had apparently come from an old wealthy family and had taken over the family business at the age of twenty after both his parents had died in quick succession. Lily on the other hand came from working class parents but had been smart and hardworking enough to get ahead on her own. They had both been know for taking an interest in several charity causes and for being down to earth even tough the Potter fortune was supposed to be among the biggest in Britain.

That bit of information had made Peter frown and still did. Sure, the Dursleys seemed to be well of – nice enough clothes, an expensive car – but he could not say the same about Harry. The kid looked like he bought his clothes second hand and then used them until they were so worn that they practically fell of his body. Even if he had inherited his parents down to earth attitude he was still a teenager and Peter had never, during all these years, met a teenager that did not go a bit extravagant if given the opportunity.

Leaning back in his chair Peter thought about the last bit of information he had been able to find. In the first article he had found it had said that Harry would be taken in by his godfather Sirius Black, who was a childhood friend of James and who also came from an old wealthy family, but following links to related articles Peter had found the reason why that had never happened and Harry had ended up with his mothers sister and her family. Just days after the Potter's death Sirius Black had been found guilty of murder and sentenced to a lifetime in prison.

Peter rubbed his hands over his face. God, that kid was just plagued by bad luck. To have his parents die and his godfather sentenced to prison all within a week and then to be given to his relatives who, just a week after that, had moved from the country. He had been robbed of all parental figures as well as his home and the poor kid had just been 8-years-old. Life really was not fair sometimes.

That the kid had started acting out was not really that surprising after all that he had been through at such a young age and if Peter had to guess he would say that the Dursleys had not been all that understanding of Harry's mental trauma. They did not exactly strike him as the most compassionate of people and they even seemed to have an outright dislike for the kid beyond the usual exasperation at his attitude and problems.

Peter felt a small joy in the fact that Harry had finally ended up here at Horizon. The kid needed help, even if he would never admit it, and Peter hoped that here he might finally get it. That here, with the help of Peter and his co-workers as well as the others students, Harry might find the peace and security that could help to release him from the addiction of self mutilation. That here he might finally be able to open up and ask for help.

It was a small hope but one Peter was ready to fight for. Every kid deserved someone who fought for them and if no one else did then Peter would do it for them.

Standing up Peter stretched his sore muscles before trying to hide his yawn behind his hand. He was done for the day, the rest of the papers would have to wait until morning.

Because, he thought with a small smile, you can't fight if you can not even stand on your own two feet.

*¤*¤*¤*¤*


	6. Observation

Disclaimer – Still not making any money on this.

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**Chapter 6 –**** Observation**

_In the ink of the night, I saw you bleed._

_Through the thunder, I could hear you scream._

_Secure Yourself - __Indigo Girls_

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Scott did not even try to hide his yawn and it almost broke his face in two as he hunched up on the armchair. Wrapping his arms around himself he let his eyes close for a second. There were other students milling around in the room, even tough most of them were spending the day outside, but he tried to block out the sound. Tried being the keyword.

Sighing, Scott opened his eyes again and rubbed a hand over his face before he let it run through his hair. He had not got much sleep the night before and he just wished the day would be over soon so he could go to bed again. Of course, the teachers here at Horizon seemed to have a big problem with people sleeping in the day, something about them being lazy and wasting daylight, or else he would have gone to bed not caring about what time it might be. But, as it was, it was only noon and he would be forced to stay up for a lot longer then he wished.

Looking over at the table by the window he spotted the reason for his lack of sleep; Harry Potter. He was sitting hunched over the table, one of his legs pulled up under him and his head hung low over a book. His eyes moved rapidly back and forth while his right hand kept a firm grip on the next page that waited to be turned as if he could not read fast enough.

Scott looked away again with a frown.

After Harry's little breakdown yesterday – because Scott really did not know what else to call it – he had managed to calm him down enough to clean up his wounds. They had not really been that deep and had stopped bleeding almost instantly but it still looked like hell. His knuckles had taken the worst of it and would probably be bruised long after the skin had healed. His arm, well, let's say the new wounds were nothing compared to the old ones.

It was not the first time he had seen scars from self-inflicted wounds, this was Horizon after all, but it was the worst he had seen so far. They went up and down, slashed across, criss-crossed and curved. He even thought he saw traces of words but the scars were so blended in to each other that it was impossible to tell.

Scott glanced at the kid again. He did not look like the type who had arms covered with self-inflicted scars but then Jules did not exactly strike him as the type either.

He could not help but to wonder what Harry had been through to slash himself up like that. Sure, Scott had been a druggy and could not really call himself a model citizen but he had never understood people who physically hurt themselves. He used drugs to free himself from the pain of what had happened to him; cutters only made themselves hurt more.

He stole another glance before looking down in to his lap. There had to be some point that he was missing. Cutters were not really masochists, he knew that, so why would they want to hurt themselves? What could Harry have been through that made hurting himself a release?

After Scott had cleaned him up yesterday Harry had been strangely apathetic. He did not say another word to Scott, just stared blankly at his own arm as if he was not even there. As if he was a thousand miles away. Scott had not commented either just cleaned him up and led him back in to their room. Harry had immediately laid down on his bed and curled up on his side and only risen again hours later when it was time for dinner. Of course, he had not said a word during the meal either just stared at his plate – taking a few bites but mostly just pushing the food around – or giving a few half-hearted glares to Ezra when he got annoying enough.

Scott had thought about going to Peter and letting him deal with Harry but it did not feel right. After all, how many times had not Harry told him that he just wanted to be left alone? So he had decided that it would be better to wait, give the guy some space, and see if he snapped out of it on his own.

Scott had had a hard time here at Horizon in the beginning too. Unlike Harry he had actually managed to run away, even if it did result in him being dragged back just a few hours later, so he knew that it was not a solution. Now he could even admit, at least to himself, that he was happy to have ended up here at Horizon and that it had actually helped him. But that was now. In the beginning he had been just like Harry, wanting to get away, to be left alone, for everyone to just back of. And he had needed that. Peter and the rest were all about wanting the kids to feel like part of the group and to always have someone right there but it did not work like that. First you needed your space to gather yourself and then, and only then, could you start accepting that the people around you wanted to help.

At least, that was how Scott worked and if Harry was as much like him as he thought then he guessed he would need that space too.

Scott looked over at Harry again just in time to see Ezra fall down on the chair opposite him. Taking in the big smile on Ezra's face Scott could guess that he had not taken the hint yesterday about leaving the new kid alone. But that was Ezra in a nutshell, he wanted everyone to like him and he would try and try until he succeeded. Scott could not completely suppress the small twitch of his lips as Harry hardly spared Ezra a glare before going back to his book and ignoring the other guy. It looked like Ezra had a challenge on his hands.

Another yawn broke Scott's face in two and he rubbed his hands over his face again. God, he really did not work well on so few hours of sleep.

And that had been all Harry's fault really. Not only had Scott been unable to fall asleep because the mystery that was Harry Potter kept running haywire in his head but when he finally thought he was close to sleeping he had heard a noise. It had taken him a few moments to pinpoint it but when he did he was immediately awake again.

Harry had been twisting and turning on his bed, becoming more and more tangled up in his bed-sheets, and soon after that he had started mumbling. Scott may not be a genius but it did not take one to realise that Harry was having a nightmare.

The mumbling was really hushed – suppressed as if, even in sleep, Harry had learnt to be quiet – and his hands kept clenching and unclenching around the sheets. Sweat had broken out all over his skin and his face was so pale that he looked like a ghost.

Scott had wanted to wake Harry up, he really did, but he did not dare. Nightmares was another thing that was not that uncommon here at Horizon and even though he knew how much of a relief it was to be woken he also knew that most – and new kids in particular – did not react well to strangers waking them up. A fist to the face had happened more then once.

It had felt like hours, even though he knew it was only minutes, that he laid there watching Harry twist and turn and just begging for a way out of whatever hell his subconscious had created. The mind really was a vicious bitch sometimes, Scott knew that better then most. Finally Harry had shot straight up in bed with a choked scream, awake in a heartbeat.

Scott had watched from under half lidded eyes as Harry had sat shaking on the bed for several minutes before he had taken a deep breath and slowly made his way out of the room. Scott had fallen asleep over an hour later and Harry had still not come back.

Looking over at him now as he sat glaring at his book and pretending that Ezra was not there Scott would never have guessed that the kid had been up for most of the night. Sure, there were bags under his eyes and he sat a bit hunched up but most of the kids here looked like that, especially during their first time here. He did not really stand out in the crowd but somehow he still did. Scott still could not really put his finger on it but there were something special about Harry Potter and he wanted to find out what it was.

"Hey there, sexy."

Scott looked up the in time to see Shelby flopping down on the couch, legs and arms spreading out in all directions.

"And here I thought you'd forgotten about me. Eyes on the new kid an' all," Scott said with a teasing smile that only grew when Shelby glanced over at Harry and glared.

"That's before he knocked me of my chair," she said matter-of-factly. "Now I'm all back on you, babe."

"I'm honoured," Scott deadpanned.

Shelby folded her arms underneath her head and nodded. "Well, you should be," she said seriously. ""I only go after the very best, and you," she nodded in his direction, "is the very best at the moment."

Scott snorted. "Thanks."

"You're very welcome," Shelby said. "Now, what's with the broodingness?"

He stared at her. "The what?"

She sent him a look that clearly said he had the intelligence of a two-year-old. "The broodingness," she repeated slowly, pronouncing every syllable. "Ya know the frowning, the hunching, the staring at nothing crap. The whole I'm-dark-and-broody-and-doin'-some-heavy-thinkin' thing you've got going on."

"I don't brood," Scott said with a glare that only intensified when Shelby's face split in to a grin.

"Yeah, right," she said. "And I'm the fuckin' poster child for Christian virtue."

He sneered at her and looked over at Harry again, noticing that Auggie and Jules had sat down by the table now too. It looked like Jules were trying to convince Ezra to leave Harry alone, while still being her friendly self towards him, and Ezra was waving his hands around, obviously trying to make some kind of point, with a big smile on his face and Auggie . . . Well, Auggie was trying his hardest not to laugh.

It looked like a losing battle.

Harry was the only one that did not look too happy about the situation. He was still hunched over his book but his hand was clenched so hard around it that it looked like it would snap at any moment and his eyes were no longer moving over the pages but instead glaring holes through them. If looks could kill his book would have gone up in an inferno. The mental-image caused a small twitch to Scott's lips.

"And who forgot about who for the new kid?"

Scott jerked his head back to stare at her. "What?"

Shelby rolled her eyes. "God, why do I even bother?" She looked him in the eye. "You've been staring at our latest little addition for like ever." She frowned. "Unless you're staring at Freakin, but that's just way weird."

"I'm not staring," he defended, glancing quickly over at Harry again to make sure he had not heard.

"Yeah, just looking very often," Shelby deadpanned.

Opening his mouth to argue Shelby cut him of with a wave of her hand. "Don't bother, I don't care! Stare however much ya like, or not-staring, it don' matter." She got up of the couch. "Just don't let him push ya of any chairs. I hear he tends to do that." With a pat to his shoulder she walked away leaving him gaping after her.

Now, Shelby had always been annoying as hell, in her own kinda funny way, but what the fuck? He shook his head. No-one could understand that girl, she was just crazy.

He glanced over at Harry's table again – telling himself that he was not staring – and saw that Jules and Ezra had escalated to fighting with Auggie being forced to take over the roll as peacemaker. Scott could practically hear Harry's teeth grinding together in irritation.

He frowned. Ok, so maybe he had been watching Harry a lot but was it really that strange? New kids always meant action and Harry seemed like the kind of guy that could stir up trouble without even trying. Scott just wanted to be there when things got interesting.

Hearing a bang Scott snatched his head up in time to watch wide-eyed as Harry pushed away from the table – his chair having been the source of the noise as it crashed to the floor – and glared daggers at the others around his table.

"Sod the bloody well of, the lot of you!" he yelled and, snatching his book up and slamming it shut, he stormed out of the room.

In the dead silence he left behind Scott felt the corners of his mouth quirk up. Well, at least the silence had been broken.

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	7. Counselling

Disclaimer – Still not making any money on this

Author Notes – Sorry that this is a bit late but I've been out of town – working without access to internet – and when I got back I had a thousand other things to do. But since I'm leaving again this weekend I thought I'd post a chapter before I leave. Enjoy!

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**Chapter 7 –**** Counselling**

_Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets._

_-Paul Tournier_

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Tick . . . tack . . . tick . . . tack.

Except from the painfully slow ticking of the clock positioned on the wall above the door the room was silent and had been for fifteen minutes. Occasionally a sound from outside the room – footsteps in the corridor or laughing kids passing the window – would break through the silence but other then that the slow rhythm of the clock was the only thing that showed that time had not stopped completely.

Harry was sitting in a very uncomfortable armchair – which ironically had looked very inviting before he sat down – with his arms crossed over his chest and eyes locked on to Peter's, who was sitting in a chair exactly like Harry's opposite a small coffee-table.

They had been sitting like this since Harry had walked in to the room sixteen minutes earlier and Peter had invited him to take a seat. Not being a newbie to therapy sessions and counsellors Harry knew that Peter was waiting for him to crack and start a conversation, something he had no intention what-so-ever to do.

He hated counsellors. Always had. Alright, maybe not always but at least since five minutes in to his first session.

It had been with an old grey-haired women, probably in her fifties, with glasses pushed down to the tip of her nose and a sickly sweet smile on her lips. She had talked down to him from the start as if he was a little kid that did not understand a thing. Granted, he had been eleven at the time but he had not really considered himself a kid for several years and even if he had he would have taken offence to her demeaning attitude.

Four minutes in to the session he had told her that he did not like it at the Dursleys.

Five minutes in she had told him that they loved him and he should be happy that they had been able to take him in when his parents so unfortunately passed away.

Seven minutes in he had been thrown out for 'using such vile language' and breaking her antic vase.

After that he had never appreciated being taken to shrinks. There had been a few times when he actually had started to warm up to them but they had quickly managed to distinguish that again by showing that they did not really care what he told them.

Peter shifted in his seat – apparently Harry was not the only one who thought the chairs were uncomfortable – and he had to fight down the urge to smirk at him. He had been told that these sessions were supposed to be half and hour and if it the last half of the session was as easy as this he would be out of here in no time.

"This isn't the first time you've seen a counsellor."

Harry looked up in surprise but quickly wiped the expression of his face. He really had not thought Peter would break the silence, he felt more like the type that would wait for his patient to snap.

"Is that a question?" he said, raising his eyebrow. Fine, so he had misjudged Peter but that did not mean he could not stall. There were many ways to get through a session and Harry knew them all.

Peter shifted again and then stared in to Harry's eyes, a calculating look on his face. "Just because they couldn't help you don't mean I can't."

A huge smile broke out over Harry's face and he laughed. "Full of yourself, aren't you?"

"No," Peter said patiently and it disturbed Harry a little that there was not the smallest crack in the other mans calm. "I just want to help you."

"Well," Harry said, still with a big smile on his face, "everyone just want to help. What makes you any different?"

"That I care," Peter said and Harry laughed again.

"Yeah, well, everyone cares too."

"But you know they don't."

The smile slowly faded from his lips as he stared at Peter. The other man was still sitting calmly in his uncomfortable chair staring at Harry with that calculating look. He looked like he was trying to solve a difficult puzzle and had all the time in the world to wait for the pieces to fit together again. It disturbed Harry to know that he was the puzzle.

"And what, you're different?" he said, his voice lower and with the first hint of seriousness in it.

Peter stared back for a second before he gave a small nod. "Yeah, I am," he said. "And I really do want to help you."

Harry broke the eye-contact first to glare out the window. "What if I don't need any help?"

"Then I'll help you anyway."

He sneered. "Ever heard the phrase 'you can't fix what isn't broken'?"

"Yes, but we both know that it doesn't apply to you."

The words rung in his head, over and over again, and he felt the beat of his heart quicken. He was not broken. No matter what they said, no matter what they did, they had not managed to break him. They could not. He was still here, was he not? After all this shit, he was still here.

"Fuck you," he said, the words coming out more silent then he had planned. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He was still whole, still here, no matter what they had done. No matter how they left.

No matter that they all left . . .

"Let me help you," Peter said and when Harry glanced back at him he saw that the man was leaning forward in his seat now.

"I don't want your help," Harry sneered.

"But you need it," Peter said and Harry could not look at him any longer.

Getting of the chair he walked up to the window and leaned with his hands on the windowsill. The weather was obscenely sunny today too – seriously, did it never rain here – and there were lots of kids out on the grounds. Some where sitting at tables, talking or studying, and some were just playing around. He could see Auggie chopping wood a bit further away and Jules sitting on the ground beside him. They looked sickly happy.

"Harry," Peter said, his voice still calm but with the slightest hint of tension in it now, "how did you get that scar on your forehead?"

A shiver ran through his body before he could contain it. Squeezing his eyes closed his words almost came out as a whisper. "Bugger of."

He heard Peter shift forward on his seat. "Is it from the night your parents died?"

"Bugger the fuck of!" Harry yelled, hands clenching in to fists on the windowsill.

There was silence in the room again, only the slow ticking of the clock acting as background noise, and Harry took several deep breaths to calm himself down. How did things get to here? Just a few minutes ago he had been calm and certain that he would be out of this room in no time but then it suddenly went downhill. He was Harry Potter; the kid parents told their children to stay away from, who teachers feared to push because they never knew if he would blow up and who had even managed to scar the Dursleys in to keeping their distance. How did these people get to him so easily? Why did he let them?

Sighing he opened his eyes again and looked out the window, eyes staring of in to the distance and seeing something far beyond the snow covered mountains.

He was a wreck. He knew it even if he would not admit it. Too little sleep, too many fights, too many goodbyes . . . The last year had been hard – and considering that the years before it had not exactly been a piece of cake that was saying something – but he got through it. He always got through it, whatever they threw at him, and he found some way to manage. Some way to survive.

They could take everything and everyone away from him but he would always survive because that was who he was. A survivor.

"Let me help you."

The words were soft – gentle – and Harry closed his eyes again. He did not want help. Maybe he was a wreck and maybe surviving was not the same as living but it was enough. He was still alive, still breathing, and some days he thought that might be all that he could handle. Some days that was all he had the strength to do.

Living hurt and people left. He might not have been that old but he had already learnt that lesson the hard way.

"Please."

Harry shook his head slowly. "You don't know anything," he whispered.

"Then tell me."

Harry opened his eyes and let his eyes trail from student to student. He knew that they were all supposed to be 'troubled' like him but looking at them now he could not see it. They looked like kids from any other High School – laughing and joking and without a care in the world – and he could not see the reason for them being in a place like this.

"I shouldn't even be here," he said silently as his thoughts drifted back to that night so many years ago. The darkness, the screams, the blood, that high-pitched laugh . . . He could still see it as clearly as if it had been yesterday. Still hear it.

"Why not?" Peter asked and Harry could here it in his voice now. That fine tremor, that almost breathless whisper that said that he hardly dared to speak, hardly dared to break the silence, because if he did he would scare Harry away. That soft infliction in his voice that always came when people thought they were about to get through to him, to make a breakthrough, but they feared that if they pushed too hard he would back away again.

They were usually right about that.

"Why shouldn't you be here, Harry?" Peter continued when Harry did not say anything. "Why don't you think that Horizon can help you?"

A small smile graced Harry's lips but it did not reach his eyes. "You still don't get it, do you?" He glanced back at Peter and met his eyes for the tiniest second before he stared back out the window again. "Of course you don't."

"Then tell me," Peter urged.

"Why should I?" Harry sneered. "You can't do anything anyway. I shouldn't fuckin' be here."

"Why are you so sure?" Peter asked. "Give me a chance, maybe I can do more then you think."

"Yeah, you think so?" Harry asked and turned around. He stared in to Peter's eyes as he leant back against the windowsill and crossed his arms over his chest. "And how the bloody hell are you supposed to do that? You don't know anything and you sure as hell don't get it. And I'm not some little kid that's going to cry my eyes out and think you'll be able to make everything better again." A smile graced his lips again but there was nothing but coldness in his eyes. "You can't do anything, Mr Scarbrow, and I don't even want you to try."

Harry could see the small flicker of resignation in Peter's eyes but it was gone again in a second. It disturbed him a bit that he felt a small sense of relief at that. He may not be that fond of Peter, and he really did not want his help, but at least he had not been completely wrong about that man. Peter was not the kind of guy who gave up without a fight and Harry had always had a sort of respect for men like that. Maybe because he was like that too.

He glanced up at the clock and saw that his half hour had been over a few minutes ago. Shaking his head at himself for not noticing it earlier he then looked back at Peter.

Peter was still leaning forward in his chair but he sat a bit more slouched now and the glint in his eye – the one that had made Harry feel disturbingly like a puzzle waiting to be solved – had dimmed a bit.

"Don't worry about it so much," Harry said and smiled when Peter met his eyes. "I'm sure there're plenty of other kids who'd love to have you. Go play supportive shrink with them."

With that he turned around and, without another word, walked out of the room.

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	8. Stuck In Place

Disclaimer – No money is being made on this.

Author Notes – A big thank you to those who've reviewed the story, put it on their Favourite story-list or on Story alert! Strangely the story is on more alerts then it's got reviews but it's on half as many favourite lists as it has reviews, so that's pretty good at least.

I'm going to be away a lot in the coming weeks (when I finally get some work it's all at the same time) but I'll try to keep up with my writing. Feel free to drop reviews to help keep me encouraged or just send a private message if you want to talk for a bit! I'm always up for making new friends!

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**Chapter 8 –**** Stuck In Place**

_When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us._

_- Alexander Graham Bell_

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A week. A whole fucking week. Harry kicked at an unsuspecting stone and sneered at it as it bounced across the grass. He should have been out of here by now – they should have kicked him out head first and slammed the door behind him – but instead they did not even seem like the thought had crossed their minds. What was wrong with these people?

He had tried the silent treatment, he had threatened other kids, he had refused to participate in their jolly-good-fun activities and he had been a snappy and generally very moody basterd. Why would they still want to have him around?

Ezra was the most annoying. He was apparently in the habit of following Harry around because he showed up out of the blue at the most surprising, and regular, times. And the guy just would not shut up! He did not care how much Harry glared at him and flicked him of; he just kept talking as if he had not even heard. And on the few occasions that he actually seemed to hear what Harry said he would just smile this big disgustingly happy grin, as if Harry had given him the best news ever, and then he would start talking again.

Harry really thought that he deserved a price for not kicking the shit out of the guy.

Jules and Auggie – because they really seemed to come as a packaged deal – were kind of annoying too but more on a spectators level. They were all _in Love _– with a capital L – and would apparently not be satisfied until the whole world knew it. Harry felt kind of sick every time he had to watch them.

Jules was also that kind of nice girl next door that just wanted everyone to be happy and to get along. She seemed to think that Harry should feel lonely and because of that she would come over now and then and try to make friendly conversation. He usually ignored her.

But Auggie on the other hand had made Harry wary from day one. He always looked suspicious of Harry and like he was just waiting for a fight to break out. He was also fiercely protective of his girlfriend and would glare at Harry non-stop every time Jules tried to talk to him. He thought Auggie might be the reason he had not snapped at Jules yet. The guy may not be very tall – not that Harry could claim to be either – but he looked strong and like he knew how to fight dirty. Harry did too of course, how else was he supposed to ever get the upper hand on Dudley, but he still did not like his odds if the guy decided to kick the shit out of him.

He flopped down on the ground and leaned with his back against a tree. He was just at the edge of the woods – those fucking big woods that separated him from civilization – and had perfect view of the grounds, something he needed to be able to spot anyone with the intention of coming near him in time.

Harry really did not get the people here. Usually people would stay clear of him and they would certainly not try to seek him out. Sure, some of it was Dudley's fault – who would try to befriend a kid whose larger then life cousin threatened to beat the shit out of you if you did – but the last few years he had not really needed to bother. No one would try to get near Harry anyway.

Of course there were one exception and Harry had to close his eyes as the picture of that happy smile and those sparkling grey eyes filled his vision. He should have known better, should never have let himself get so close. People never stayed.

Shaking himself to get the image and those dark thoughts out of his head he looked up as he heard laughter echo across the field. It only took him a second to spot Ezra laughing and clutching his stomach and to see Daisy standing next to him with an indulgent smile on her face.

Harry shifted in his seat, eyes narrowing as he stared at the two, but when he felt sure enough that they had not spotted him and did not look like they were intending to come over he relaxed again. Ezra on his own was bad enough but with Daisy there too? No, that was a horror Harry did not feel up to facing at the moment.

He had taken to trying to avoid the goth. Her first impression had not exactly made Harry feel all warm and cosy towards her and after that day outside breakfast he felt it better to try and stay as far away from her as possible. Of course, she still managed to sneak up on him sometimes – outside of those times when he was forced to be in the same room as her – and she always gave him the chills. That girl, he shook his head, was better suited for an insane asylum then a high school for delinquents.

He still did not know how she had managed to figure him out like that. He had never told anyone that he was not straight and no one had ever figured it out. Well, one person had and Harry closed his eyes yet again to get the picture out of his head. But that was different, he had been different, and now Harry hid it more then ever before. He was better of away from people anyway and a boyfriend – he could help but to sneer at the word – was not something he fancied having.

"You should watch it before that looks permanent on your face."

Harry snatched his head around only to see Scott strolling out of the woods, a small smile on his lips as he noticed Harry's surprise. Sneaking another glance in to the woods to make sure that others – or more specifically Ezra or Daisy – were not coming around the same way Harry then looked back at the blonde.

"And here I thought the woods were of limit."

Scott's smile widened. "Really? I wouldn't know."

Harry could not contain the snort and looked away as the other boy dropped down beside him. Of all the people here at Horizon Scott was the one he was the least against. He was a very easy-going guy and Harry always felt himself relaxing when he was around. That did not mean he considered him a friend, Harry just did not do friends, but he did not mind so much when Scott shoved up.

After their run-in on that second day Harry had been a bit wary of the blonde, afraid that the Scott would tell everyone about his little break-down, but Scott had never said a word about it and acted as if it had never happened. Sure, Harry could feel Scott's eyes on him from time to time and supposed it had to do with keeping an eye on him or some other team shit like that but he never pressed for more and Harry appreciated that. He liked his space and he liked guys who understood that.

"A week huh?"

Harry hummed as he let his hand trail over the grass, small straws running between his fingers. "Or maybe a lifetime."

"Yeah, kinda feel's like that, don' it?" Scott said and Harry looked up to watch him as he stared across the grounds.

Scott was a good looking guy and if Harry had been serious about actually wanting to find someone to shag Scott had been on the top of the list. Even though he had mastered the art of looking bored his blue eyes always held a spark of mystery that Harry was just dying to explore and his smile was just perfectly slow and enticing.

Harry had heard a few rumours about Scott around the school even though he did not really know how trustworthy they were. But it seemed as if Scott may have been one of the last kids to come here before Harry – the rumours said he had been here less then a six months – and that he had been some kind of junkie even though the drug of choice had varied. There were also some rumours about him actually having managed to run away but, apparently, that had not turned out so well in the end. But if it was true that might have been the reason he had been so adamant about making Harry stay when he had been on the verge of running away himself. He still was not sure if he should be thankful for that or not.

"It gets better ya know."

Harry tried to catch Scott's eye but the blonde kept staring across the field with a far away look on his face. Turning his own face away Harry looked down at his lap with a small frown on his face.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," Scott said. "You hate it at first and you're just dying to get away, but the place kinda grows on ya. It isn't so bad when you get used to it."

"And if I don't plan on getting used to it?" Harry asked, his frown deepening as Scott actually chuckled next to him.

"Then you're kinda screwed 'cause ya can't really stop it."

Harry fisted his hand in the grass and pulled some straws lose but could not completely contain the small twitch of his lip. "Well," he said. "Fuck then."

He looked up in time to see the smile form on Scott's face and he hated himself for the way his heart skipped a beat. He could, deep within his own mind, admit that he found Scott attractive but there was not anything else. There could not be. Harry was a loner and perfectly happy with that because he did not need anyone else. People were not honest, they did not care, they did not understand and, most importantly, they never stayed. People did not last and he was better of without them.

He sighed and looked over at Ezra and Daisy again, noticing that they had been joined by Auggie. It did make him have to look twice because it had to be the first time he saw Auggie without Jules. Apparently they did not come as a package deal after all.

The group had taken seats on one of the benches, Ezra and Auggie talking while Daisy just sat there with her eyes closed and head bent down.

"Dais' don't really like the sun," Scott said and Harry snatched his head up to look at him again.

"Huh?"

Glancing at Harry with another small smile Scott then turned his eyes away again. "Goth-girl an' all. Says something about it ruining her mood."

"I wasn't asking," Harry said and looked back over at the group. As if she had heard them Daisy's head was now raised and her eyes locked with Harry's the minute he looked over. She had the same intensity in her eyes that she always did when looking at him and it made Harry want to hide under a rock. No one should be able to stare through people like that.

"Maybe, but you keep staring at her," Scott said and there was a small hint of something in his voice now. Disgust? Anger? Resentment? It was too small to make out.

"Like hell I do," Harry said with a sneer as he stared back at Daisy.

The girl's face suddenly lit up with a smile as her eyes shifted over to Scott for a second before coming back to met Harry's. Her head then nodded once in Scott's direction and Harry immediately saw what she was getting at. Throwing the most vicious glare he could in her direction he quickly jumped to his feet and spun around to face the blonde looking up at him with a bewildered expression on his face.

"And even if I did, what's it to you anyway?" Harry hissed, knowing that he was taking out his anger over Daisy on Scott but not really caring.

Scott frowned. "Nothin', I was just saying."

"Well, mind your own bleedin' business!" Harry snapped at him and felt a small twinge in his heart at the wounded look that crossed Scott's face before he managed to wipe it clean.

Getting to his own feet Scott glared at him. "Well I'm so fuckin' sorry," he sneered, "It'll never happen again." And with that he pushed past Harry and marched away across the field.

Harry watched him go and tried to suppress the part of him that wanted to run after the blonde and say that he was sorry. He tried to tell himself that he did not want to make friends here anyway and even if he did people were better of staying away from him too.

As he slowly walked the other way towards the cottage he pretended the he did not see the disappointed look Daisy sent him as he passed.

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	9. A Weak

Disclaimer – Still not making any money on this.

Author Notes – I know, I'm a horrible person for taking so long to update! But I've been working like crazy and then it's been all this other stuff that's taken up my time and, yeah, I've been busy.

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**Chapter 9 –**** A Weak**

_If you're __going through hell, keep going._

_- Walt Disney_

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"Fuck!"

Harry paced back and forth across the small bathroom, fists clenched by his sides and lips curled in an angry snarl. The sun was beginning to set outside the window and most of the other students had already made their way to dinner but he was not planning on joining them. His mind was going a hundred miles per hour and it was not as though he was not used to going hungry anyway. He had got more food here in a week then he normally got during a whole month at the Dursleys. It was a wonder he had not resorted to bulimia because his stomach really was not used to being this full and complained painfully after every meal. Missing out on dinner was probably good for him or something.

But food was not really the main thing on his mind right at the moment. Every time he closed his eyes he pictured Daisy's disappointed eyes and Scott's wounded face and he could not for the life of him figure out why they disturbed him so much. He was a basterd, he knew that, and he was used to hurting people. Harry Potter and basterd was practically the same thing, he was sure it was only a matter of time before they put a picture of him next to the word in the dictionary. And he was ok with that.

So why was this time so different?

He stopped by the sink and leaned against it, eyes searching his own face in the mirror. He had got a bit more colour during the week here but he still looked pale and the dark circles under his eyes were something he was starting to learn how to live with. His hair still stuck up in the most impossible ways but some curls fell limply and hung down over his face. His eyes were bloodshot and misty, looking wet even if he told himself that he was not about to cry, and staring in to them he wondered how it all got to this point.

"It's your own fault," he whispered in the silent room. "You let it all go to hell."

The first tear dropped from his eye and he watched it as it rolled down his cheek and fell down in to the sink. He felt dissociated from himself, as if he was just a spectator watching a tv-show and the boy in the mirror was nothing but a fictional character. He felt sorry for him but it was not real. It kind of scared him.

Turning around he stared across the room and a wild look entered his eyes. He could not deal with this! It was too bloody much!

A whole weak. He had gone a whole weak without cutting himself and he almost laughed when he realised it was a record. He deserved some freaking cake or, better yet, his lighter back. Or maybe one of his razorblades. This time he could not stop the laugh from escaping him as he pictured Peter congratulating him on his progress by returning the blades. That would have been a sight.

But he knew that it would not happen and, as he looked down on his arm covered in scars, he also knew why. They were _helping_ him. They wanted him to heal and open up and be happy and go on living his normal apple-pie life as if it had never happened. As if he had not cut himself up on a regular basis and as if death had not been the one thing on his mind.

Well, screw them! He could not do that and he did not really want to either. Did they not get that there was a reason for what he did? Did they really think he cut himself up just for the fun of it? No, of course they did not, but they also did not realise that it was something he desperately needed. When everything else is taken away from you why can you not at least have a say in what you do to yourself? When no other choice is yours why can you not at least deserve the right to say when you want out?

But that was the whole point, was it not? You did not deserve that right. Everything was decided by everyone else because they knew what was best for you even if they did not know you. And why would they want to know you in the first place when you were some crazy kid that cut up your own arm? Clearly you were not in your right mind and then it was much better that they told you how to live you life.

But _he_ never did . . .

Harry squeezed his eyes closed as he saw those soft grey eyes, that kind smile that never judged or dictated what he should do. He had been the only one that looked passed the walls Harry had so carefully put up and the only one who stayed no matter how hard Harry tried to push him away. That easy laugh, that happy twinkle in his eyes, he never let anything get to him he just brushed it of. People told him to stay away – that Harry was crazy and dangerous – but he never listened to what other people said. He always made his own opinion.

A choked sob tore from his throat as he slid down and sat on the floor, knees pulled up and his whole frame shaking.

"I miss you," he whispered between sobs. "God, I fuckin' miss you. Why did you have to leave?" Harry's arms came up to wrap around his legs, fisting in the fabric of his jeans. "I can't do this without you."

And he really did not know if he could. Harry had been so close to giving up before he came along and changed everything. He had brought colour in to Harry's grey world and for the first time since his parents death Harry had actually felt alive. For the first time he felt like it was worth living.

Another sob shook his body as he thought about what had happened and the tears just would not stop once he had allowed them to escape.

"Cedric," he begged, voice breaking like a mirror against cement, "why'd you have to die?"

*¤*¤*¤*¤*

"You're in a crappy mood."

Scott did not even spare Shelby a glance, just kept stabbing his mashed potatoes with his fork.

"Silent treatment, huh? I can work with that," she said as she plopped down on the seat beside him.

"What's up with grouchy?" Ezra asked as he took his own seat at the table, Daisy and Auggie following close behind.

"Just leave the guy alone," Auggie said and took a long drink from his milk-glass. "Let the guy emo in peace."

"I don't emo," Scott bit out between clenched teeth and stabbed the mashed potatoes a bit more forcefully.

"Sure ya don't," Shelby said, eyeing his attempt at potato-murder with a raised eyebrow. "You're all sunshine an' rainbows."

"Fuck of."

Ezra laughed at Shelby's indignant look. "Feisty!" He folded his arms on the table and stared at Scott. "So, gonna spill soon or should we just keep bugging you?"

When Scott simply ignored them a smile lit up Ezra's face. "Bugging it is!"

"Give it a break, Ez," Auggie said as he continued eating peacefully. "It's none of your business."

Ezra pouted. "You're no fun."

"I'm sure Princess would disagree," Shelby said with a wink and Auggie only had time to raise his head and glare at her before Jules sat down beside him.

"Disagree on what?"

"Animal cruelty," Shelby said with a straight face. "Auggie here seems to think that's a real good idea."

Jules stared at her boyfriend in shock but he only shook his head. "She's only kidding with you," he said, glaring at Shelby who smiled innocently at him. "Ya know better then to listen to anything she says."

"Ey," Ezra said suddenly, looking around the cafeteria. "Where's Harry at?"

Scott glared down at what remained of his food as the others looked around for the new kid. He had separated from Harry over an hour ago and did not have a clue where he might be at and, frankly, he did not care.

"Don' know," Shelby said without looking especially concerned. "Probably out hurting innocent girls."

"Far away from you then?" Jules said with a teasing smile.

"Oh, Princess, you hurt me with your wicked comments!" Shelby answered with a laugh.

"He's back at the cottage," Daisy said, completely ignoring the two bantering girls.

"But there's food!" Ezra exclaimed with wide eyes. "You can't miss food!"

"No, _you_ can't miss food. Humans are more then able to, Freakin," Shelby said and stuck out her tongue as Ezra glared at her.

"He needed space," Daisy said and her eyes were fixed on Scott, making him squirm in his seat without really knowing why. "His head got too small for all his thoughts."

"What, he's a thinker now?" Shelby said with a sneer as if the whole thing offended her.

"He doesn't want to be, that's why his head's too small," Daisy said. "If you don't let it out it'll build up. Get's a bit crowded and then it's even harder to think straight."

Scott looked up and met her eye, curious without wanting to be, and felt a bit disconcerted by the strange glint in her eye. He felt like she was trying to tell him something without actually saying it but he could not for the life of him figure out what it was.

"Yeah, well, he's an asshole anyway," Scott muttered and tried to ignore the guilt he felt at those words. Harry really had been an asshole earlier and Scott had every right to call him on it.

"Aah, so that's who's ruffled your feathers," Shelby said with an understanding nod and a pat on his back, ignoring the glare he gave her at the action.

"You can't really be an asshole, you just have one," Daisy said with her own nod. "And what's so bad about assholes anyway? I find they can be quite pleasurable."

"Ew," Jules shrieked and put her hands over her ears. "I did not just hear you say that!"

"Kinky, Dais'! Real kinky," Shelby smiled as she watched the blush spreading over Jules face.

"I wouldn't be against hearing a bit more," Ezra said, staring intently at Daisy as if he had never seen her before. She winked back at him.

"But that's not the point," Scott said with a shake of his head. "That guy's just bad news."

"I agree," Auggie said. "Don't like the look of him. He's trouble."

"Yeah, 'cause we're all saints here," Ezra said.

"You know what I mean," Auggie said with a frown. "I can just feel it, shit's about to hit the fan."

*¤*¤*¤*¤*

Peter rubbed a hand over his tired eyes and absently wondered if he was getting old. The last week had been hectic and it felt like he had not got a decent nights rest at all. Whenever he closed his eyes and tried to sleep he just saw Harry Potter and the enigma that he was.

He had almost given up on the hunt for more information about the kid. He had searched high and low, called every contact that he had and a few that he did not have, but nothing new had turned up. The kid was a mystery wrapped in a mystery and if he did not open up Peter did not think he would ever be able to find out what had happened to him.

But that was the whole problem. He had only talked to the kid a few times but he already knew that getting him to open up would be far from easy. Harry had secrets and he would not reveal them just like that.

Peter was not one to give up and he had sworn to himself that he would find a way to help the kid but so far he had not found the right way to do it. But he would, he had to.

Clicking his way through various news articles that he had already read what felt like a thousand times he almost missed the one at the bottom of the page in the related news section. Reading over it a second time he felt his heart speed up with excitement as a smile slowly formed on his face.

_Sirius Black falsely accused – released from prison._

Well, maybe he had found a way to help Harry after all.

*¤*¤*¤*¤*


	10. No Peace And Quiet

Disclaimer: No money is being made.

Author Notes: I'm going to Egypt on tuesday and will be gone for a weak so there will be no updates during that time, just so you know (and mostly because I just want to brag).

*¤*¤*¤*¤*

**Chapter 10 –**** No Peace And Quiet**

_She is startin' to damage my calm._

_- Jayne, Serenity_

*¤*¤*¤*¤*

"Bloody hell, are you lot never quiet?"

Harry closed his eyes and rubbed his temples in an attempt to fight of the increasing headache. Here he was, just trying to read his book in peace and quiet when the whole dysfunctional Cliffhanger-group just had to assemble on the couches and chairs around him. God or Faith or Mother Nature or _someone_ surely was out to get him.

"Now, where'd the fun be in that?" Ezra said with a smile.

He could strangle him. He was sure no-one would mind all that much and even if they did they would probably get over it pretty quick.

"This is the rec' room," Scott said and when Harry looked over he would not met his eyes. "We have every right to be here."

Since Harry had blown up on him the other day Scott had avoided him at all costs and only talked to him when forced to, and even then it was short, to the point and without any traces of friendliness. Scott acted indifferent, as if he knew that Harry was there but did not really care enough to acknowledge him. He had never wanted a friend in Scott, in any of them, so it was only for the best that Scott had realised it to. Harry tried to tell himself that it did not hurt.

"Yeah, but you got to be so loud?" Harry said and frowned when Scott still refused to met his eyes. "Some people are trying to relax."

"You want quiet? Go outside."

Harry glared at him. It was nine in the evening. Pitch black outside. Raining. Blowing a fucking storm.

"Right comedian, you are," he said, hands clenching around his book as he tried to control his temper.

"Yeah, that's not funny, Scott," Shelby said. "Scrawny here might be blown away. We might never find him again."

Harry turned his glare on her. If Scott acted indifferent towards him then Shelby was downright bitchy. He figured she was still pissed over that whole chair-incident. He also thought she was not used to be turned down and being a bitch was her way of pretending he did not get one over on her.

"Stop it, all of ya!" Jules cried and glared at Shelby when she opened her mouth to say something else. "Acting like children!"

"Well, considering the size of _some_ here . . ." Shelby trailed of, smirking at Harry.

He had had about enough of her bullshit and his size had always been a bit of a sore spot, even if he would never admit it out loud. He knew the reason for his small frame was the Dursleys fault, not getting enough to eat while growing up did that, but he considered himself a little lucky to at least have been moved out of the cupboard before he suffered more damage. Being small and called a kid was at least better then getting a croaked spine and being called an old man.

But still, he did not like when people brought up the subject because it held too many unpleasant memories for him. Nights locked in the cupboard with a painfully empty stomach, cooking huge delicious dinners for the Dursleys and only getting a dry slice of bread for himself and Dudley stealing his lunch in school and stuffing it in his mouth right in front of Harry with kids laughing around them. No, Harry really did not like when people brought back those memories.

Opening his mouth, ready to take Shelby down a peg or two, he closed it again with a snap as Jules banged her fist against the table.

"No, I said stop it!" she screamed and the whole room went quiet as every single student turned around to stare at her.

She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths, and if Harry had not been so shocked himself he would have laughed at the way Auggie's jaw almost touched the floor, and then she collected herself and looked up at Harry with a big smile. "So, what you reading?"

The room was quiet a few moments more before a soft murmur went up as everyone else went back to their own business. But Harry could only keep staring at her as if she had lost her mind.

"Excuse me?" he said at last.

"That book," she said, still all smile and pleasantries. "Which is it?"

He stared at her, his mind working in slow-motion as it could not keep track of such crazy mood-swings. "What?"

Ezra laughed. "The English language got a bit too hard suddenly?"

Harry shook his head to try and clear it. "No, it's," he started and looked down at his book in confusion, "Watchers by Dean Koontz."

"Oh, is it any good?"

He frowned, still not quite comprehending how they got to this point. "Yeah, it's real good. One of Koontz best."

"Maybe I could borrow it some time?" Jules asked. "After you're finished of course:"

"Um, sure. I guess."

"Good!" she said and her smile almost split her whole face in two.

"I think you broke him, Jules," Ezra said with another laugh. "Poor guy's not used to your randomness."

Auggie put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her to him. "No one ever gets used to Jules randomness. It's what makes her Jules."

Her smile was positively blinding as Auggie leaned down and kissed the top of her head and Harry had to turn away. It was all too lovey-dovey for him, made his stomach feel all weird.

Looking away his eyes for the first time in days met Scott's. The other boy had been staring at him and for a second looked surprised when Harry's eyes met his but he did not turn away. There was a question in his eyes now, some longing for an answer, but Harry could not tell what it was. He frowned.

He really did not get Scott. The guy acted friendly but distant to people, as if he tried his best to be an outgoing kind of guy but deep down did not want anyone to get too close. Harry could not understand the reason for it. Either you wanted to let people in or you did not. Harry, for one, did not and tried to make that as clear as possible to others. He would never try to be friendly just because that was what society expected of him and if that was the reason that Scott tried, well, maybe he was not the kind of person Harry thought he was.

With that conclusion Harry sneered at Scott, who was still staring at him, and turned away. People like that did not deserve respect and he told himself that he was done feeling guilty over how he had treated the blond earlier in the week. Too bad feelings did not always respond to rational thoughts.

"God, I could use a beer," Harry said with a weary sigh and rubbed his eyes. When he looked up again he found the whole group staring at him. "What?"

"Nothin'," Ezra said but his eyes were a little wider then usual, "Just didn't peg you for an alcoholic."

Harry stared at him. "Say what?"

"You know, tryin' to drown your sorrows in Heineken."

"I said I could use a beer," Harry said slowly, raising his eyebrow in question. "How does that turn in to me being an alcoholic?"

Ezra shifted forward in his seat, hands clasped in his lap. "Well, you're here aren't you? And we're all a little crazy here but so far I'd only got you as a cutter, not a drinker."

Harry did his best to suppress his flinch at the casual mention of why they had locked him in here but from the corner of his eye he saw that Scott noticed it. He was alright with what he was – hell, he was fine with it – but he always felt odd and cornered when others mentioned it. It was his body and he could do what ever he wanted with it but others should learn to mind their own business.

"I'm not an alcoholic," he said at last. "I just wanted a beer."

"No sorrow drowner?"

Harry glared at him. "How 'bout I drown you?"

Ezra leaned back in his chair again and raised his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright, no need to get nasty."

"Sorrow knows how to swim."

Daisy's voice had taken on that creepy tone and Harry knew, even before he turned around to face her, that she was staring at him again.

"What?"

"Someone said that once. That people who're trying to drown their sorrows should be told that sorrow knows how to swim."

He stared at her a moment longer before he turned away with a shake of his head. "You people really are crazy," he said. "I said I could use _one_ beer and you all act like it's the worst thing you ever heard. Like none of you have ever had a drink."

"'Course we have," Shelby said and Harry thought she almost sounded a bit offended.

"Then what's the big deal?"

"You're new," Auggie said and he looked like he thought that explained everything. When Harry just kept staring at him he continued. "We don' know you or why you're here. We kinda figured you were a cutter, pretty hard not to notice when you've seen it like we've done, but how should we know you're drinking habits?"

"So, what?" Harry asked. "You expect the worst?"

Auggie shrugged his shoulders. "All of us? We are the worst."

"You don't come here if you don't have it bad," Jules said. "Whatever it is that brought ya here, it's too out of control for the nice normal people to deal with so they send ya here. Last resort."

Everyone was silent after that and Harry knew that they were all thinking about what ever it was that had brought them here. Quick flashes of images he desperately wanted to forget filled his vision; blood spread over the road, familiar faces twisted in agony, cold eyes that scared him to his very bone, darkness as the cupboard-door slammed in his face, the purple face of his uncle as he raised his fist, Cedric's smile replaced by surprise before he vanished, the glimmer of a knifes edge as it trailed across his wrist . . .

He shook his head to wipe the images away. "Well, that was fun," he said and tried to force a careless smile on his face. He thought it came out more as a grimace.

"If ya wanted Disneyworld you took a wrong turn," Shelby said and examined her nails in an attempt to look unbothered but Harry could clearly see how tense she was.

"I think this is starting to sound way too much like Group," Ezra said and turned to Daisy with a smile. "Anything creepy to add to break the tension?"

"With sufficient vacuuming systems you can drain the body of blood in 8,6 seconds."

"Right, good to know," he said with a serious nod. He shot a quick look at Harry and then down at his arm. "Or maybe not, considering the crowd."

"Just 'cause you wanna bleed don' mean you wanna be drained," Daisy replied. "Sometimes it's just good to have control."

Harry glared at her. "Don't you start that again."

She smiled at him, big and blinding. "Wanna change the subject?" she asked and Harry knew that whatever came out of her mouth next it would be something that he would not like. "How's the love-life?"

He wanted to smack her, he really did. Right in the face or maybe in the gut. No, most defiantly in the face to wipe that stupid smile of her face.

Shelby snorted. "Like anyone would wanna have him."

"I don't know, he's kinda cute," Jules said and just patted Auggie on the head when he yelled indignantly.

"Boy's aren't cute, Jules," Ezra explained patiently. "Don't offend the man."

"Don't matter if he's cute, he's still in need of some serious attitude adjustment."

"Right one to talk, Shelby," Ezra said with a smile.

"What's wrong with you people?" Harry asked incredulously when he finally managed to stop gaping like a fish out of water.

"All sorts of things," Ezra replied. "Take a pick!"

"But we're getting sidetracked here," Jules said and stared intently at Harry, looking him up and down. "So what kinda girl do ya like?"

"That's none of your bloody business."

Ezra laughed and Daisy smiled beside him. "Back to square one again."

"Scott," Daisy said and turned towards the blonde who had been staring at Harry for the last few minutes looking deep in thought. "What do you think Harry's type is?"

Scott stared at her a second longer before he turned towards Harry who knew he looked like a deer caught in the headlights but could not quite help it. When Scott opened his mouth to say something Harry finally snapped out of it and jumped out of his chair.

"That's it!" he yelled and turned towards Daisy. "I've had enough of you. Just leave me the fuck alone!"

When she just continued to smile at him he snarled and spun around. "I'm going to bed, can't read here anyway."

Right before the door closed behind him he heard Ezra's muttered "Touchy subject".

*¤*¤*¤*¤*


	11. Night Terrors

Disclaimer – Still not making any money.

Author Notes – Sorry that it took so long! Really, I don't even have an excuse! Sure, I've been busy and I've been to Egypt and all that but still, not an excuse! But, just to brag again, I've been inside Chefren's pyramid. How cool is that!?

*¤*¤*¤*¤*

**Chapter 11 –**** Night Terrors**

_Sometimes I re__member the darkness of my past,_

_bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have._

_- Linkin Park_

*¤*¤*¤*¤*

Scott remembered a time when he did not have trouble sleeping. It was ages ago, years, but he could still remember it. How it felt to just lay your head down on the pillow and the next thing you knew you were waking up with the sun shining in your eyes or the stupid alarm-clock going haywire on the bedside table. How rested you felt after a whole nights rest and you only occasionally remembered bits or pieces of what your dreams had been about.

He would admit that he was getting better again. The nightmares were getting farther apart and they were not as intense as they had been only six months ago. But they were still there and once in a while he would wake up drenched in cold-sweat and with his heart beating like crazy against his ribcage. And nightmares, well, they were not as easy to forget as dreams were.

Nightmares were of course not the only thing that had bothered him and he used to lay awake half the night, hardly daring to breath, before he was finally exhausted enough to succumb to sleep. That had slowly started to get better once he got to Horizon, long before the nightmares started to decrease, and even though he never fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow anymore it had been a long time since he lay awake half the night.

Of course, that all changed when Harry arrived.

Now Scott was once again finding it hard to fall asleep but not because he was afraid, no, now he lay awake because the boy in the bed next to him just would not get out of his head. He could not really pinpoint why he thought Harry was so fascinating but he was and it did not get any easier to ignore him when night-time was the time that Harry was practically the most alive. He was always so closed of during the day and the only time you saw any real emotion from him was when he got angry. But during the night, when he was asleep, he was an open book.

Harry did not seem to share Scott's troubles with falling asleep but he was ten times worse when it came to nightmares. He would toss and turn, moan and mumble and his face would express the fear, the sadness, the hurt that he experienced in the dream. Sometimes his mumbles would get loud or clear enough that Scott could make out words but never enough so that he could understand what the dreams were about.

And that was the reason he could not fall asleep but instead lay in his bed and watched as Harry tossed on the bed next to him. Harry was fascinating, for some reason, and Scott just could not figure him out.

A window rattled on the other side of the room and Scott spared a quick look out at the cloudy night before he turned back to Harry. The storm had been going on for days now and did not seem like it had planned on stopping any time soon which meant that all outside activities had been cancelled for the time being. No-one would willingly spend time outside in this weather and it was bad enough that they had to go outside when crossing between buildings. Daisy was of course ecstatic – or her kind of ecstatic – that there was not any sun but not many shared her joy.

"Mhmm, no . . ."

Harry turned on to his back, his face scrunched up in pain and his hands fisting in the sheets at his sides. He squirmed, feet kicking at some unknown threat before they calmed down again.

"Don't," he moaned and Scott could not have taken his eyes of him even if the world was ending. "Please."

He kicked one more time and then with a strangled cry he shot up in bed, eyes wild as he looked around the dark room.

Scott quickly closed his eyes. He did not want Harry to find him watching. He knew how sensitive he was about his own nightmares and how much he hated it when others saw so he would at least try to give Harry a little privacy as he calmed down.

Quick breaths were the only sound in the otherwise silent room and for a moment Scott feared that Harry was hyperventilating but after a minute they started to slow down to a more normal pace again. A soft shuffling followed and then the silent padding of feet crossing the room. He opened his eyes in time to see the door closing behind Harry's back.

He rolled on to his back and stared up at the ceiling. He still had not talked to Harry since that day by the woods – a few snappy comments here and there did not count – and he did not know if he had forgiven the other kid for it. He had just been making friendly conversation after all, something he was not exactly well known to do, and Harry had blown up in his face.

He did not know why but he had been upset about the way Harry's eyes had drifted over to Daisy all the time and maybe he should have minded his own business but it still did not give Harry the right to go all crazy on him.

Sneaking another glance at the door he rolled over on to his side. So maybe he had not forgiven Harry for that but maybe he did not have to. He still found him interesting and it had been surprisingly hard to stay away from him. It had been a long time since Scott had felt so connected to anyone else. Sure, he had friends here at Horizon and he, mostly, enjoyed spending time with them but there were something different about Harry. He felt . . . content when he was near.

He slowly sat up in his bed and stared at the door. Harry probably wanted to be alone right now but wanting and needing was not always the same thing. And Scott thought he might actually need to see Harry right now.

Decision made he threw the covers of and slowly crept across the room and out the door, only sparing a second to glance over at Ezra when a particularly loud snore escaped him.

Harry was sitting in the rec' room outside, curled up on an enormous armchair with a blanket wrapped around him. His eyes were distant, staring at the floor but not seeing it, and one of his hands could be seen peaking out from under the blanket and hugging it closer to his body.

He looked like the very image of a scared child and Scott felt a pang in his heart for him.

"You're just gonna stand there all night?"

Scott almost jumped in surprise when Harry spoke but managed to contain himself at the last second. The other boy had not moved from his huddled position and was still staring at the floor as if he was watching something only he could see. Taking a hesitant step forward Scott tried to catch his eye before he spoke.

"I thought maybe you wanted some company."

Harry hummed softly, the only sign that he had heard, and Scott took it as an ok to come closer. He moved slowly over to another armchair and sat down facing the other boy. Unsure what to do next he crossed his arms but then quickly uncrossed them again and left them loosely lying on this lap. He gave a quick, searching look around the room but did not find anything interesting and changed his view to looking out of the closest window.

He was not sure why he was so nervous all of a sudden. He was usually a pretty confident guy and it was not like he had never talked to Harry before. They had been on friendly terms before Harry's blow-up, might have even been on the way to being friends, but now it just felt weird. Scott did not understand it but he felt like he needed something from Harry that he did not know how to ask for. He did not even know what it was.

"I bloody hate this," Harry said suddenly and Scott looked over to see him frowning, eyes still on the floor.

"What?"

"This," Harry said. "Not being able to sleep. I'm fuckin' exhausted but I can't even sleep through one bleedin' night."

Scott did not know what to say to that, did not have any comforting words that he thought could make things better, so he just stayed silent and shifted his eyes to stare at the floor too. He saw his stepmother, felt the ghost of a touch and shivered.

"It's been so many years, you know, I thought it would get better."

Harry's words were only a whisper and Scott almost did not hear him. He looked up at him again and felt a small slice of fear at the distant look in Harry's eyes. The other boy had shifted his vision and was staring out over the room with eyes that watched something from a long, long time ago and Scott doubted that Harry would hear him if he called out. He knew what it felt like to relive memories you only wanted to forget and he felt scared for Harry's sake.

"All that nonsense about time healing all wounds, what a load of bull," he continued. "It never gets any easier." Harry shivered and pulled the blanket closer around him, his one visible hand disappearing beneath it.

A powerful roar echoed outside as the wind picked up even more strength but Scott did not notice, too transfixed by the boy sitting opposite him. His emotions were a conflicting mess. On one hand he wanted Harry to keep talking, to tell him all about what he had been through and resolve some of the mystery that surrounded him, but on the other hand he wanted him to shut up. To shut up and not let Scott in on the secret of what brought him here, to not let Scott see what could make such a beautiful boy so broken.

"I remember them saying that they loved me, that they would never leave me, but that doesn't make it better either. That makes it worse." A flash of pain crossed Harry's eyes. "They left anyway."

Scott shifted in his seat – not sure if he moved closer or further away – and his eyes were fixed on Harry's small frame. It felt like staring at a car-crash; wanting to look away and not see the disaster but not being able too.

"I can still hear him laughing," Harry's eyes closed tight as another shiver ran through him. "It's so cold. So _evil_. I couldn't do anything to stop him then and I can't do anything to keep him out now." His eyes opened again and Scott hated how those amazing eyes could look so lost. "I just . . . I just want him to be quiet."

The room fell silent again after that and Scott tried to relax the aching grip his hand had taken on the armrest without any success. He hated this. Hated how Harry was sitting so close and yet so far way and how there was nothing that he could do to help him. Scott had never been any good at comforting others and he had never felt as angry over it as he did right then.

"We were just going home," Harry said and his voice was nothing more then a whisper now. "Just going home and then we would have been safe. But they rammed us of the road and dad yelled but it was too late. So much blood."

Scott squeezed his eyes close, starting to regret ever coming out here, ever leaving his bed. He did not want to hear this. He did not.

"Mum dragged us out and she begged, crying and bleeding, that they would leave me alone but they laughed." Harry's voice was as distant as his eyes now, lost in the memory but dissociated from it. "They just laughed as they killed her. She never stopped begging."

He turned around suddenly and stared in to Scott's eyes. "They did not care. No matter what she said or how she begged they just did not care." His eyes were wild; fear, pain, sorrow and desperation all mixed in to one as he looked at Scott. "Why doesn't anyone ever care?"

Scott looked at him, feeling his heart break at the sight of the lost and broken boy in front of him. He did not know what to say to that. There was nothing he could say or do right now that would make Harry feel better or make him believe that there actually were people out there that did care and who would never want to hurt him.

As the storm kept blowing in the dark night outside the window the two boys just sat there – together but alone – lost in the silence.

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	12. Connecting

Disclaimer – Still not making any money.

Author Notes – Yeah, you have probably all noticed the fact that I don't have a beta for this. I have spell-check on the computer and I do my best in going over it but, well, it's easy to get a bit blind when you know exactly what it's meant to say. Also, I'm Swedish so I claim the right to mess up when it isn't even my language! But if anyone feels up for the job of betaing this, both to check grammer and such and to maybe give me some pointers when I'm going of track then I would greatly appreciate it! Just send me a message and I'll get back to you.

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**Chapter 12 –**** Connecting**

_The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad._

_- Salvador Dali_

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"Scott seems happier today."

Harry looked up as Daisy flopped down on the seat beside him. They were outside for the first time in what felt like weeks, the storm having finally subsided during the morning, and most students chose to escape the confines they had been forced to for so long. It was not exactly sunny and warm, the clouds still took up most of the sky and a cold breeze came in from the west, but it was at least tolerable.

"So?"

"I'm just saying, something must have happened to lift his spirits," Daisy said matter-of-factly but Harry noticed the small quirk of her lips and the seemingly ever present glint in her eyes that told him that she was saying more then her words.

He turned away from her and looked up at the sky. "Wasn't even aware he was down."

"Sure ya weren't," Daisy said and Harry saw her shake her head from the corner of his eye. "'Cause you never pay any attention at all to what Scotty does."

He clenched his teeth for a second and then took a deep, calming breath. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know. You like to pretend that ya don't but you're not as stupid as you try to make people believe."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Life would be easier if you didn't pretend." She dragged a hand through her hair. "And it's not exactly hard to notice that something's up between you and Scott, had to be blind not to."

He sneered. "Nothing's up. And you must be blind if you think there is."

Harry was surprised when Daisy actually giggled next to him. "I see right through you, ya know," she said, leaned over and knocked him on the head.

Harry jumped about a foot in the air and then swirled around and glared at her. "The hell's wrong with you?" he yelled and glared even harder when she giggled again.

"I haven't had this much fun in ages!" she laughed and smiled at him. "Dunno what I did before ya got here."

His eyes widened as he stared at her. He had written the goth of as crazy the first time he met her and this just strengthened his belief. An insane asylum would be much more suited for her 'special needs'.

"Yeah, well, I don't really like you so I can't say the feelings mutual."

"Don't worry, Harry, that'll change soon enough."

He snorted. "Sure it will."

Letting his mind drift away for a second he stared up at the sky again. He did not really know how he felt about the night before, how Scott had come after him after he had left his bed and how Harry had just started talking. He had never talked about that with anyone before, not even Cedric, and it felt a bit weird that Scott knew. Sure, so maybe Harry had not given all that much detail about what had happened but Scot still knew the important parts.

He felt a bit . . . exposed. To let someone see him at his weakest moment was something he had told himself that he would never do. It gave them an opening, a way to get in beneath his tough exterior and hurt him much more deeply. He had built walls around himself for a reason and he was not ready to let someone get passed them.

But it had felt so right to talk to Scott. Harry did not know why the blonde had such a strong affect on him but he did. He was more relaxed around him then he had been in years and it felt so good. To just being able to breath without feeling like he was suffocating.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and let it out slowly, a small smile gracing his lips. It was amazing, even the thought of the other boy made him breath easier.

"Scott's not the only one who seems happier today."

He huffed in annoyance and gave Daisy a quick glance before he closed his eyes again. "Haven't you left yet?"

"Nah," she said. "Got no better place to be. Although, the sun is kinda startin' to get on my nerves."

Frowning, he looked up at the sky. It was still cloudy. "Seriously, never thought you might be taking this goth-thing a bit too far?"

"Goth-thing?" she sneered. "I happen to like the dark, thank you very much, and don't take too kindly on people passing judgement."

He snorted. "No judgement, huh? And what do you call what you go around doing?"

She stuck up her nose. "I tell it as I see it. No judgement, just critic and suggestions."

Harry could not help it, he actually laughed at that. "You really are batshit-crazy, aren't you?"

She smiled back at him. "Like they say, takes one to know one."

He laughed again and shook his head. So maybe Daisy was crazy and most of the time annoyed him so much that he wanted to strangle her but, he had to admit, she could be pretty funny too. In small doses of course and only when she was not trying to bug him about things better left alone.

Harry absently scratched at his arm as he looked around at all the students milling about. The whole place was like that actually. Crazy and down right annoying but in small doses and when people minded their own business it was a pretty ok place to be. Sure beat being at the Dursleys – although they had not exactly put up a high standard – and his regular school was a real dump in comparison. He was far from ready to admit it out loud but maybe he did not really mind being stuck here. Maybe it had been a good thing.

"You look like your doing some serious thinking in there," Daisy said, breaking him out of his thoughts, and pointing at her own temple. If he was lucky she might have actually learned the no-touching-rule.

"Yeah, well, some of us have more then elevator music buzzing around in our heads," he answered with a smirk and glanced over at her.

She nodded seriously. "Touché."

Harry could not completely contain the smile that blossomed on his lips – feeling so relaxed and content right then – but quickly wiped it away again and looked away with a frown.

What was he doing? He did not want any friends and he did not want to let people get close so why was he suddenly opening up to Scott and joking around with Daisy? And this place, he wanted to get away from here not settle in. He had let these people in way too far already and allowed them to get familiar when he should have been keeping them at arms length like he used to. He was a loner – a bloody basterd – and he was much better of without them.

"Now, don't do that!" Daisy cried. She wagged her finger at him with narrowed eyes and he realised it was the first time he saw her show any form of anger. She looked pretty scary.

"Here you were, finally starting to relax a bit and not being such a nasty son of a bitch, and then you make a complete 180!" She glared at him. "What's that supposed to be good for?"

He stared at her, surprised by her he anger, before he narrowed his eyes and glared right back. "The hell do you care? Not like we're friends or anything. Your memory suck too or don't you remember me saying that I don't even like you?"

"Don't give me that bullshit," she sneered. "Ya can pretend all ya like but it don' matter. I see you like the scared little kid that ya are and I know you're not as nasty as you want people to believe. And you can't be so fuckin' naïve that you think you're the only one here that's ever had it hard."

He gapped at her. It was the most straightforward Daisy had ever been with him and seeing her so angry shocked him to the core.

Of course he did not believe that he was the only one here who had had it rough but he still did not think anyone had been through some of the shit he had been. They were all too happy and outgoing to have really suffered. Right?

"You don't know a thing about me," he said, his words almost a whisper, and Daisy finally let the glare slip as her eyes softened.

"But I do," she said just as softly. "Maybe not the details but I know you're scared. You afraid to let anyone get close 'cause you think they'll only hurt ya like everyone else has. And ya cut yourself open because it easier to bleed then to acknowledge the pain."

Harry looked away, his heart beating rapidly against his ribcage, and suddenly it felt like something was pressing down on him, suffocating him. He blinked his eyes to clear the fog that had settled over them but it did not go away.

"But you're not alone, Harry," Daisy continued. "We've all been there some time and some of us still are. But ya have to acknowledge the pain before you can get rid of it and pushing everyone away won't help."

She silenced and he pressed his eyes close against all the unwanted memories that tried to push their way to the front of his mind. He did not want to deal with them right now and he just wished that Daisy would stay quiet. He hated how she opened him up and just saw everything he wanted to keep hidden.

"I whacked my dad in the head with a seven-iron golf club," she said with a sigh.

Eyes wide Harry looked up at her. She was the one staring of in to the distance now, hands clasped in front of her and her back bent like she was trying to shoulder something far too heavy for her small frame.

"It was just the final straw, ya know?" she continued but did not stop to wait for a response. "He'd been a real piece of shit for years but when he finally picked up the courage to take a swing at me I had had enough."

She silenced again and Harry kept staring at her for several long moments, seeing the girl in a whole new light.

At last, with a nod towards her, he said, "You got him good, right?"

A small smile graced her lips as her eyes came back in to focus. "Yeah. Yeah, I got him real good."

"Good," Harry said with another nod and turned his eyes away.

"Made this real dull sound," Daisy said, her smile getting wider. "Like I banged on something hollow."

Harry snorted, shaking his head. "You're a real piece of work, you know that?"

"I've been told."

The clouds cleared a bit, allowing a few rays of sunlight to pierce through them, and Harry saw Daisy wrinkle her nose in annoyance. A tiny smile graced his lips.

"You could go inside if the sun bothers you."

She shook her head. "Nah, not yet. You're too much fun right now, can't let the moment go to waste." She turned to look at him with searching eyes. "Now that I've done my bit of sharing it's only fair that you do too."

He frowned in irritation but had to admit that she had a point. "Alright," he said. "One question. But I reserve the right to refuse to answer if it's something I don't want to talk about."

She looked deep in thought for a few seconds, one of her hands coming up to scratch her temple, before she turned towards him again. "Had any boyfriend?"

Harry felt his stomach drop. Forcing air in to his lungs he contemplated if he really was ready to talk about that. It was a touchy subject and he had never talked to anyone about it before but maybe it was time. After all, he had not planned on telling Scott what he did last night but he had to admit that he had felt a little bit better after.

"Yeah," he said slowly. "Cedric."

She tilted her head, obviously wanting him to elaborate, and it took him a moment before he was able to.

"We met a bit over a year ago," he continued. "Went to the same school although he was a few years older. Bugged the hell out of me in the beginning but he kind of grew on me." A smile graced his lips as he remembered the way Cedric used to follow him around and trying to talk to him no matter how many times Harry blew him of. "He never cared what anyone else said either. Made his own opinion."

"What happened?" Daisy asked when Harry broke of and he took a deep breath before he could continue.

"He died," Harry said. "Got hit by a car. He smiled at me and then he was just gone."

She stared at him but he could not make himself meet her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said and it sounded like she meant it.

"Yeah," he said softly. "Yeah, me too."

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	13. Falling

Disclaimer – Still not making any money. Still poor.

Author Notes – Just because I've got some really nice reviews lately I kicked myself in the ass and sat down to write a new chapter. Hope you enjoy it because now things are really starting to move forwards.

Is it stupid of me to beg for reviews? I usually find it annoying when authors beg but, you know, they just make me so happy!

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**Chapter 13 –**** Falling**

_You keep talking but it makes no sense_

_We Are - Ana_

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Harry rubbed his eyes as he walked across the yard. This place really was taking a tool on him and he got tired just thinking about it. He came here with the intention of getting out as fast as humanly possible – preferably even faster – and keeping everyone at arms length but instead, after just a few weeks, he had started to get settled and found that he actually liked it here. He had even – and he rubbed his eyes again in sheer disbelief – started to make friends.

It did not make any sense to him and if anyone asked he would not be able to explain how it had happened. But the fact was that Daisy had gone from that-crazy-psycho-stalker that he had to stay away from to that-crazy-funny-girl that he now did not understand how he could have disliked. Sure, she still had her creepy moments and she still said things that he did not always want to hear but she was also honest and upright and the kind of girl he could probably tell that he liked to dress up as a girl and dance the hula-hula to without her batting her eyes. It was kind of refreshing.

He walked passed a table with a bunch of kids – he thought they might be part of the Woodhikers – and almost stumbled in surprise when one of them looked up and gave him a friendly wave accompanied with a happy smile. At her action the rest of them looked up and a chorus of "Hi Harry" rang out. He stared at them wide-eyed for a second before quickly rushing on.

This was all kinds of sick! People were not supposed to react to him that way. They were supposed to run screaming in the other direction. God, this place really was messing with his head.

"Harry!"

He looked up and saw Peter come running out of his office towards him. He had a bunch of papers in his hand and he waved them in the air for a second to make sure that he got Harry's attention.

Sneering, Harry contemplated ignoring him and just keep on walking. Even though this place had started to grow on him he still had a deep dislike for Peter and all the other teachers here. He had had a few more sessions with Peter after that first one but he had changed his tactic a bit. Now he just either ignored Peter all together or answered every question with a question of his own. Safe to say, Peter did not seem the least bit happy with how their sessions were turning out.

Deciding that it was futile to try and escape the man right now – it was not like he could run away and hide until Peter gave up his search – he stopped in his tracks and looked up at Peter with a sigh, trying to convey how much he really did not want to do this right now.

Peter huffed out a breath as he came to a stop in front of him and Harry thought he seemed pretty out of shape for a man that looked as fit as he did. Maybe work had been taking up too much of his time lately.

"Harry, do you have a second? I need to talk to you about something."

"Yeah, I guessed that," Harry answered and looked in the direction he had been going before turning back towards Peter. "I had made plans with the President about my solution for world peace, but I suppose I have a minute to spare for you. I'm sure he won't mind."

Peter frowned at him and Harry had to fight down his own smirk to keep his expression blank and serious. The other man sure was easy to play with.

"Maybe we should go in to my office?" Peter said and took half a step back in a clear invitation for Harry to follow his lead. Harry had no plans what so ever to do that.

"Maybe you should just spit it out?" he said instead, face still blank but a hint on impatience in his voice.

Stopping, Peter just looked at Harry for a moment and he got the impression that the other man was sizing him up. He fought the urge to squirm and wondered if maybe he should have taken Peter up on his offer to move this in to his office after all. When Peter turned away from him and looked around the yard for a few seconds – as if making sure no one else was close enough to hear – Harry had a sinking feeling in his stomach that this really was not a conversation he wanted to have out here where anyone could hear them. But – perhaps unfortunately – stubborn was practically his middle name and he would not back down that easy.

"It's a very personal matter," Peter said after he was done evaluating their surroundings and clearly finding them lacking.

"And I'm a very busy guy so could you hurry this up?"

Harry hated the words as soon as they left his mouth but he refused to take them back. He had set the course for his actions and he would follow them until they dumped him of a cliff, which he had a feeling they would do pretty soon. But he was a Cliffhanger after all – and it took all his self-control to stop his laugh at that – so he should survive.

Probably.

Maybe.

He wondered if he really wanted to know the death-rate of mountain-climbers right now.

Peter gave him another calculating look, his eyes slightly narrowed, before he spoke slowly. "I've been trying to check up on your history; school records, teacher evaluations, hospital records, things like that and eventually I tried searching the internet for more background information."

Harry felt like his metaphorical feet had taken on a life of their own and were heading straight for the cliffs edge. He saw it coming but there was no way to stop.

"I found some old newspaper articles," Peter continued, still speaking slowly and with his eyes fixed searchingly on Harry's. "About what happened to your parents."

His heart beat rapidly against his ribs. There it was; the edge. On more step and he would fall.

"And your godfather. How he was sent to prison for murder the same week."

And of he went. Free fall. Cliffhanger be damned, the mountainside was too steep for him to get a grip and even if it was not he was so far gone he would not have tried. It felt like freedom wrapped in a cage; a shout stuffed down his throat.

"Harry," Peter said but he hardly heard him for the blood rushing in his ears. "I wanted to talk to you about that."

Harry swallowed down the lump in his throat, eyes hazy as he remembered that carefree smile, and he shook his head to try and clear it. "There's nothing to say," he said, his words barely a whisper. "It's none of your business anyway."

"You don't understand," Peter started but Harry cut him of.

"Of course I bloody well understand!" he yelled. It was easier to be angry. Ignore the way he had lost his footing, ignore the way he was falling without a safety-net, just focus on the anger and let it take over. Hide his insecurities and his pain in a haze of anger and make sure no one dared to look too closely. "That was none of your business but you had to stick your fucking nose in it anyway. And what dose it matter anyway? He's rotting away like the murdering shite that he is and I won't ever have to see him again."

He breathed heavily; lips curled up in a sneer, and cast a look around him. Everyone was staring, having stopped whatever they were doing to watch the new kid throw a tantrum, but he found that he did not really care. Maybe once he had calmed down but right now they did not matter. Let them look, let them see what a pissed of basterd he was, and maybe they would leave him alone.

"Harry, calm down," Peter said, hands raised in a placating gesture, and Harry swirled around to glare at him. "Let me finish! A few weeks ago new evidence was found concerning your godfathers case. He did not do it, Harry. He did not do it. They've cleared him of all charges."

He hit rock bottom. The air rushed out of his lungs. He could not think.

"Harry, he did not do it," Peter said again, voice soft and soothing, and he leaned forward as if wanting to comfort Harry with a touch, with a hug, but knowing that it would not help the situation. "He's innocent."

Harry looked down on the ground. They were standing on the gravel walkway connecting the different buildings and he knew he had come from the cafeteria but for the life of him he could not remember where he had been going. It felt like ages ago. It did not matter.

Sirius was innocent. Had been this whole time. Harry had been shipped of with the Dursleys for all these years when he could have stayed with him.

"Alright," Harry said at last even if everything was far from alright and he did not even know what it was he was referring to. "Ok."

Eyes still on the ground he turned around slowly and started walking away in a different direction. A call from Peter made him halt for a second and tilt his head to the side.

"I've gotten in contact with him. He wants to see you," Peter said. "He will come here as soon as he can."

Harry looked up and met his eyes, just staring at him for several longs seconds, before he turned and started walking away again.

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"I wonder what that's about," Auggie said as Scott and he watched the retreating form of Harry Potter.

"Beats me," Scott answered with a shake of his head.

They had come out of the cafeteria, talking about something that he could no longer remember, and would probably not even have noticed Harry and Peter talking together if it had not been for Harry suddenly starting to yell. They had booth seen Harry angry before but nothing like that and it had made them pause. The few sentences they had heard had not really revealed much except that Harry was obviously pissed of about something but they had been even more stunned when, with just a few words from Peter, he had gone almost apathetic. It had been like switching of a lamp.

"He didn't look so good," Auggie continued and when Scott turned to look at him he noticed that the Mexican was still staring at the spot where they had last seen Harry before he disappeared around a corner.

"Nah, he didn't."

"Ya think he ought to be by himself right now?" he asked and Scott looked over at the corner again.

He was probably the only one who had seen the destructive side of Harry – that time when the other kid had hit the wall so hard his knuckled had split – but he had also seen the apathetic side of him before too. He was not really sure which side frightened him most but the memory of all the scars littering Harry's arms still made him shudder. But this was Horizon. Could Harry really harm himself like that here? And if he could, was he really in that mindset right now?

"Dunno," he said at last. "What's the worst that could happen?"

Auggie turned to him then and Scott found that he could not meet his eyes. Yeah, he knew exactly what look Auggie was giving him and if their places had been reversed he would probably have been sporting the same look. People came here for a reason and it was not because they were model citizens who let a few obstacles keep them from their destructive paths. If Harry really set his mind to it there was no telling what could happen.

Scott felt guilty for even thinking the words but he was not ready to face Harry yet. It was not that Harry had said something the other night that had somehow scared him of, far from it. It was the fact that Scott did not trust his own feelings at the moment. He felt something for Harry and he had told himself firmly that those feeling were completely platonic but after that night he had started to realise that he might just be in denial. What he felt for Harry was not like anything he had ever felt for his friends but at the same time it was not like anything he had felt for Shelby either when they had been a couple for a short time. Of course, they had both realised from the start that there really was not anything more then friendship and perhaps a small bit of physical attraction between them so that might not be the best ground to compare to either.

But the fact still remained that he was not sure where he stood with Harry and he did not feel ready to face him before he was sure. At the same time he felt like a total ass for even thinking about not helping Harry if he needed it.

Fuck, life sure had been easier before Harry Potter came to Horizon.

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Don't forget to review!


	14. Give Me Comfort

Disclaimer – I'm broke. I wish I could make money on this but I can't. Don't own, don't sue!

Author Notes – First of I want to give a thanks to everyone who's reviewed this story. I love all of you! Then I've got two special thank-you's; first of to CatishAngel07 for always taking the time to leave a bit longer reviews and really telling me what you liked about the chapter. Secondly a big thank you to Sam who left a review for the last chapter but since you weren't logged in I couldn't respond personally. Just know that your review made me extremely happy and, you're right, I didn't technically ask for sane reviews and I think that right now I'm pretty happy that I didn't. You made me laugh and I wouldn't trade your lovely review for a sane one in a million years!

About the story, well, things will start to happen now! I'm kinda nervous about how the ending to this chapter will be received (I'm biting my nails as we speak) but I hope that you'll like it. I do at least!

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**Chapter 14 –**** Give Me Comfort**

_Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around._

_- Leo Buscaglia_

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Harry felt drained. Completely exhausted. Like all his strength had left him and now the simple act just to keep breathing was close to impossible. It should have scared him but he could not even find the strength to care.

He was sitting slumped on the floor with his back resting against his bed and his knees hugged close to his body. His eyes had drifted close some time ago but for once he did not see glimpses of memories flashing before him. It was all just black. Blank. There was just silence.

Harry wondered for a second if maybe his mind had simply given up. After all the shit he had put it through it had finally said 'Screw it' and shut down. He could not really blame it if it had and he thought he might actually appreciate it.

But all things come to an end and soon enough he could hear Peter's words repeating themselves in his head; _"He's innocent"_.

He fisted his hands in the fabric of his jeans and wished for the silence to return. He did not want to deal with this. He could not. Those simple words had too much meaning and he was not ready to acknowledge it all.

"_He did not do it."_

"Shut up," Harry whispered and squeezed his eyes close. "Shut up, shut up, shut up."

"_He did not do it, Harry."_

"Shut up!" he screamed and pulled at his hair in a desperate attempt to get the voice to stop. "I don't care! I – I . . . It doesn't matter!"

And that was what it all came down to really. Harry slumped down as the last strength left his body and he just could not hold himself up anymore. It did not matter.

So Sirius was innocent. Good for him. But what did it matter to Harry? He had still spent all those years with the Dursleys. He had still lost his parents and been shipped of with family that did not want him and who did everything in their power to tell him so. He had still been alone when he had needed Sirius the most and now look where that had taken him.

Harry had been fine with who he was. He knew that he might be a mess, both physically and mentally, but that was ok because he did not care about anyone else and they did not care about him. He did not have anyone to disappoint, to scare, to hurt or to upset so it did not matter if he ruined himself. And he knew that that was exactly what he had been doing.

Life got too rough and too lonely and at first he might have rebelled for the attention, to have someone stop and take notice. For someone to show that they cared. But when that did not happen he had nothing else to lose.

"_He wants to see you."_

Harry felt the first tear escape his eye and roll slowly down his cheek. He had been ok with who he was but now there was Sirius. Sirius who always had that carefree smile on his face, who joked and messed around and who – despite what his name might suggest – was anything but serious. What could they possibly have to offer each other? Sirius would take one look at Harry's skinny frame, his scarred body, his dead eyes and sour personality and run screaming for the hills.

He abandoned Harry once, what would keep him from doing it again?

He knew that he was not fair. Sirius had, apparently, been innocently sent to prison. It had not been his choice to leave Harry all alone. But knowing that did not make his heart ache any less.

People always left one way or the other. Harry had learnt that the hard way.

Shaking himself out of it he angrily wiped the tear of his face. Yeah, he knew that people left. So why then was he getting this upset? Why was he letting it get to him? He did not need Sirius. Maybe he had once but he had survived on his own despite that and he was sure he would manage without him from now on too.

A tell-tale itch made him look down at his arm with a frown. He had a long-sleeved-shirt on but with a swift movement he had the fabric pulled up to his elbow and his pale skin revealed. There were scars everywhere. His frown deepened as his eyes trailed over the criss-crossed lines and he sucked his bottom lips in between his teeth, nipping at it.

He had survived and had the scars to prove it he thought and could not completely contain his snort from escaping. Most people would probably take one look at his arm and think him weak but Harry knew differently. He knew that the scars really showed how strong he was. The scars – the wounds they covered – was nothing compared to everything else that he had had to endure. His parents death, the Dursleys abuse, Cedrics death, those were things that had left scars on his soul not this shell of a body. Those were the things he had survived and which had made him strong. A few shallow wounds, a few drops of blood, that was not the sign of weakness.

A finger came up to trace lightly over the scars, so softly that it made him shiver. Yes, these were the scars that showed how strong he was, how much control he had over himself and of his body. With the lightest touch of a knife he could make himself bleed, watch his life-force leak from his body in small drops or a crimson river and he would know that his life was in his own hands. No matter what they threw at him he could chose to end it or he could chose to go on. It was always his choice.

His finger stopped, the nail bit down in the flesh and he let out a breath he did not know that he had been holding. A small drop of blood leaked out from the wound and lay perfectly still for a second before it started its slow journey down his arm and then dropped down on to the floor beside him.

He smiled – a genuine smile full of relief – and was at first surprised when he tasted a small hint of iron in his mouth. Running his tongue over his chapped lip he realised that he had bitten through it without even realising it. His smile only grew bigger at that and he turned his attention back to his arm where his nail was still digging in to the wound and another crimson drop had emerged.

The door suddenly opened and he turned slowly to look up at Auggie and Scott as they walked in to the room. They stopped as soon as they noticed him and he saw both their eyes flicker down to his arm before they looked up at him again. Without a word Scott turned around and closed the door behind them.

"What are ya doing?"

Harry turned to look up at Auggie as the other boy slowly approached him. He looked like he was trying to approach a cornered animal and Harry smiled at the image.

"What does it look like?" he asked with real curiosity.

Auggie eyes shifted down to his arm once more before he met Harry's stare. "Looks like you're bleeding."

Harry looked down at his own arm for a second before looking back up at Auggie with a mask of faked surprise. "Well, mate, I think you might be right."

"And what's that supposed to be good for?"

Harry let his head fall back as he laughed. "All sorts of things. The look on your face might be one of them."

He did not really know why he reacted the way he did but he blamed it on his mind going on vacation. It had had enough and left him on his own and then you could not really blame him for his slightly erratic behaviour.

"Harry – " Auggie started but Harry cut him of.

"Hey, want to see something cool?" he said and, without waiting for a reply, dragged his nail down along the line of his scar and tearing away the soft scar-tissue. Small drops of blood started to leak out all along the line but the cut was shallow enough not the let any bigger amounts out. "Brilliant, isn't it?"

"Nah," Auggie said with a glare down at Harry's arm. "I think it's freckin' sick."

Harry frowned. "Spoilsport," he muttered under his breath as he watched the blood slowly leaking out of him.

"Harry," Scott said as he finally stepped away from the door and walked towards the other two. When Harry turned his eyes up to look at him Scott met his gaze full on. "What did Peter say?"

Harry clenched his teeth and stared down at the floor. "Bloody counsellors and their bloody meddling," he muttered. "It wasn't any of his business."

"What wasn't?" Auggie asked and sat down on the floor a few feet away from Harry.

"Any of it!" Harry hissed. "He should've just left it alone, not like it matter anyway."

He turned silent after that as his fists clenched in the fabric of his jeans again. God, how he wished Peter could have just left it all alone! He would have been better of never knowing that Sirius was innocent. It just messed everything up! He would be of age soon and then he could leave and never look back. Sirius came too late to help him.

"Harry," Scott asked, his voice soft. "What did Peter say?"

"That life is just a big fucking screw up!" Harry yelled, making the other boys flinch in surprise. "That it was all for nothing. I've lived with the Durselys for all these years when I did not have to." He let out a laugh but there was no humour in it. "Hell of a lot of good it does to find out now." His voice faded away as he stared blankly at the floor.

"Harry . . ."

"He's innocent," Harry whispered. "Has been the whole time. They locked him up and gave me to the Dursleys when I should have stayed with him."

"Who, Harry?" Auggie asked, his eyes staring transfixed at the boy before him.

"Sirius," Harry said. "My godfather."

The room fell silent again as Harry tried to collect himself. It was not good the get this emotional because not only did you say things you did not mean to in the heat of the moment but you also let your emotions take control and that meant admitting to them. Harry was, sadly in his own opinion, a very emotional guy even tough he did everything in his power not to show it. Showing you emotions, showing what upset you or what made you happy and showing people what you were passionate about only gave them leverage against you. The Dursleys had thought him that early on.

"But isn't that a good thing?" Auggie asked after a few minutes, a confused frown on his face "Him being innocent an' all?"

"Why?" Harry said with a shake of his head. "I've managed without him so far. I don't need him."

"Sorry to have to tell ya this, buddy, but it sure don't look like you've managed," Auggie said with a snort and only smiled when Harry glared at him.

"Auggie," Scott broke in before a fight could start. "Why don't you get something to clean up Harry's arm with?"

Both Auggie and Harry looked down at the arm in question noticing that the bleeding had stopped but that there was still drops of dried blood left, evidence of what had happened only minutes before. Auggie shook his head while Harry just stared, transfixed, at the angry red welt left behind.

"Yeah, sure," the Mexican said, pulling himself up of the floor and walking out of the room.

When he had left and the door had closed behind him Scott walked forward and sat down on the floor beside Harry. They sat in silence for a few moments, both staring at the arm in Harry's lap, before Scott sighed and Harry looked up at him.

"I get it you know," the blonde said, still staring at Harry's arm. "How it doesn't matter that he might be there for you now because he still left you on your own all these years."

Harry looked away from him, focusing on a spot on the floor instead as Scott's words washed over him and cut way too deep.

"But ya need to give it a chance," Scott continued and there was something in his voice now, some edge that Harry could not really place. "Ya need to at least try, Harry, 'cause otherwise you might actually miss something good."

Harry looked up at him again and was almost surprised to see the pain on Scott's face. He looked so tormented, so lost, and it hurt Harry to see him like that. Scott had always seemed so strong and to see him at such a fragile moment tore at Harry's heart.

Without really thinking about what he was doing Harry shifted closer to the blonde and gently lay his head down on his shoulder. It felt tense for a few seconds and he started to wonder if maybe he had over-stepped his boundaries but then, slowly, Scott's arm came up to wrap around his waist, pulling him closer.

Harry let out a breath he did not know he had been holding and relaxed in the comfort of Scott's arms.

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	15. Heartbeat

Disclaimer – Not making any money on this.

Author Notes – I'm in the zone, people! The words are just shooting out of my fingers and on to the computer! Yay for me!

There is a new banner for this story and if you haven't seen it already I suggest you go to my profile and either use the direct link or go over to my blog, Fanfiction Corner, where it can also be found.

And I just feel like I need to repeat this because, frankly, it can't be said enough; I love all of you who are nice enough to review! Life can be sad and lonely when you're unemployed but you all make my days a lot brighter. Thank you!

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**Chapter 15 –**** Heartbeat**

_You spin me about._

_- Mal, Firefly_

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"You've got to be bloody kidding me!?"

"No, no, no," Ezra assured, arms flying around widely as to demonstrate a point, "There's all kinds of supernatural things out there! And the government knows it too but they're covering it up, ya see, 'cause people wouldn't like to find out that they're doin' a bunch of experiments on unicorns and such. Imagine a whole army of pissed of little girls out to get revenge on ya because you hurt their favourite fantasy-creature, I'd be freakin' scared too!"

Harry stared at him open-mouthed as if the boy had grown an extra head all of a sudden. Ezra's completely serious and, to Harry's utter amazement, passionate face made the moment even more surreal.

"Completely bonkers," Harry whispered at last, shaking his head but never taking his wide-eyes of the other boy. "Completely, fucking bonkers."

"Just ignore Freakin," Shelby said, not even looking up as she sat sprawled on an armchair filling her nails. "The rest of us do."

"But he's . . . he's . . ." Harry started, still staring at Ezra. "He's insane. Is it even safe for him to be around other people?"

Jules giggled and slammed a hand over her mouth to keep quiet when Ezra sent her a betrayed look but Shelby only shook her head with a resigned sigh. "I've told Peter time and time again but he just won't listen."

"Hey now, I'm serious!" Ezra said indignantly. "There's things out there!"

"Give it a rest, Ez," Auggie said wearily and Harry got the distinct impression that this was not the first time that Auggie had been forced to listen to the other boy's crazy rambling.

Ezra made a disgruntled sound in the back of his throat before he flopped back in his chair, arms crossed petulantly over his chest. Harry stared at him a moment longer before he shook his head and turned back towards his homework.

They were supposed to write a paper on a politician of their own choice, although it had to be someone still active, and that had been all it took to get Ezra all worked up with conspiracy theories. Sure, Harry was not all that fond of the government either but that did not mean he thought they had ET hidden in the basement.

Not feeling very focused on what it was that he was supposed to do Harry sneaked a glance at the boy sitting next to him on the couch.

Scott was staring intently at his own paper with his eyebrows drawn together in concentration, creating a small wrinkle between them. His pen scribbled furiously over the paper – now and then pausing for a second as Scott checked something in his textbook – and it looked like the blonde was almost done.

Harry turned back to his own paper and sneered at it. So far he had only written two words and those were sadly his own name in the top corner.

"And what has the evil paper done to deserve such a look?"

Harry turned his eyes up to look at Daisy, glad for the reason to ignore his assignment a moment longer. "It won't write itself, I think that makes it worthy of every evil-eye I can give it."

"Ah, I see," Daisy said with a serious nod. "And does it accomplice the goal of getting it written?"

Harry threw himself back on the couch, putting the back of his hand to his forehead as he sighed dramatically. "Sadly no, but it does make me feel a bit better."

"Maybe your glares have been worn out, too much use, ya know?" Ezra said happily from his seat and chuckled uncomfortably as Harry turned said glare on him. "Or maybe not."

Scott shifted in his seat, still seemingly fully focused on his paper, and Harry felt a tingle go through his body as the blonde's thigh brushed against his. Trying to fight down the blush he was sure had spread over his face Harry turned his eyes down to his paper again but not before he saw the smirk on Daisy's face.

He blamed his hormones. He was just a teenage boy after all and sometimes his hormones went haywire without his say so. But, damn, did they have to make him look like such a girl!? Blushing and all, that was too much like a schoolgirl with a crush.

Clearing his throat he sneaked another look up at Scott. Yeah, so he had thought the blonde hot from the first moment he saw him and there was just something about the way it felt so right to be around him but Harry really did not want a new boyfriend. Well, ok, maybe deep down but he still did not feel ready. Cedric had not even been gone for six month and it felt like a betrayal against him for Harry to even be looking at another guy already.

Scott scratched the back of his neck, a small frown settling over his face, and Harry turned away again with a sigh. Cedric had meant so much to him and there was no way that he could ever be replaced but Harry still could not stop the fluttering in his stomach whenever he so much as thought about Scott.

But even if it was not for Cedric Harry still felt . . . uncertain about wanting to get closer to Scott. People always leave, he knew that, and even if it was not their own choice they still left in the end. And if it was someone who he cared about – someone that he loved – they always ended up hurt. His parents had died, Cedric had died . . . Was he really willing to risk something happening to Scott?

"Done!"

Harry looked up as Scott flopped back on the couch with a satisfied smile on his face.

"How can you possibly be done?" he asked, incredulous. "You started the same time as me!"

Scott sneaked a peek at Harry's empty paper and Harry glared at him as the blondes smile just grew bigger. "What can I say? Some of us are just that good."

"Done!"

Everyone turned wide-eyes at Ezra as he raised his arms in the air and threw his pen across the room in victory.

"Like hell you are!" said Harry but when Ezra just laughed and settled back in his own chair Harry rubbed his hands over his tired eyes. "Bloody hell."

"Ya need any help?"

Harry turned to snap at Scott but when he saw the honesty in his eyes he just shook his head instead. "No, I've got this. I just need a break first." He pretended that he did not hear Scott snigger.

"Why don't you go out an' get some air?" Daisy said and Harry really did not like the twinkle in her eyes. "Clear your head a bit."

He looked at her for a moment, trying to figure out what she was up to, but when he could not find any ulterior motives he conceded that a bit of air might be good for him. "Alright, I'll be back in a bit," he said as he stood up.

"Take Scott with ya."

Everyone looked up from what they were doing and stared at her and Harry knew his eyes had just gone a bit wide. Collecting himself he narrowed them instead but Daisy just ignored him as she smiled at Scott.

"Why Scott?" Jules asked, one of her eyebrows rising in question.

"'Cause he's done anyway."

"I'm done too," Ezra said hesitantly and Harry could not help but to think that he looked at Daisy as if she was one of the supernatural things the government were trying to cover up.

"Yes, but you need to keep me company," Daisy said with a nod, her eyes still on Scott.

"Uh, ok . . ?"

"So, Scott, ya going?" Daisy asked, her smile growing a bit as he blinked at her.

"Um, sure," Scott said as he slowly got up. "I guess so."

"Good, good! Of ya go then!"

Everyone kept staring at her and Harry had to wonder if she might have been dropped on her head as a baby. With a shake of his head he turned around and walked towards the door. "See you guys later!"

Walking out in to the fresh air he heard Scott running to catch up with him before slowing down to walk by his side. Several minutes were spent in companionable silence as they strolled across the grounds without any destination in mind and Harry took the time to just relax.

Ever since he had come here to Horizon he felt like his head had been spinning non-stop. There were just so much happening, so many things that shook up the way he viewed the world and the way he viewed himself, and sometimes it all just got to be too much. He needed to settle down and just relax without the constant thoughts that just seemed to mess him up further.

He sneaked a look at the blonde walking beside him and realised that the few times that he had felt relaxed since he had been here were moments like these spent with Scott by his side. For some reason the other boy had a calming effect on Harry and he always felt safe when Scott was around.

"I don't know what's gotten in to Daisy lately."

Harry looked over at Scott and noticed the frown on his face. "What do you mean?"

"Well, she just seems . . . " he paused and looked like he could not really find a suitable word to describe her with. "I don't know, more random or somethin'."

Harry could not help but laugh and smiled when Scott looked at him in confusion. "It's just good to hear that she isn't always this crazy."

Scott smiled back at him and there was a twinkle in his eyes. "She's always been crazy, she's just takin' it a bit too far right now."

Harry chuckled and kicked at a small stone, watching as it bounced across the grass. "I don't think too far is in her vocabulary."

They lapsed in to silence again as they walked over and settled down on a bench. Harry pulled one of his legs up and wrapped his arms around it while Scott leaned back and rested his arms on the back support.

"Ya know," Scott started and Harry felt his eyes on him. "I think it all started right after you came here."

Harry felt a heavy weight settle in his stomach and refused to look up and meet the blonde's curious gaze. "That so?"

"Yeah," Scott said slowly. "It's like she knows something the rest of us don't. Something about you."

Harry felt his heart skip a beat and silently cursed Daisy and her damn interference. He was not ready for this. "Like what?" he asked, more out of the need to end the tense silence then the wish to know what Scott thought.

The blonde was silent for a few more moments before he sighed. "I don't know," he said and from the corner of his eye Harry saw him shake his head. "I don't know," he repeated in a whisper.

Harry sat there silently, his back tense, and wondered if this was the moment where he was supposed to push Scott away. That was what he wanted, right? To be left alone and not have to deal with getting attached. If he pushed now, if he snapped out a few choice words, he could get Scott to leave him alone for good.

But for some reason his mouth refused to work.

A soft touch to his cheek made Harry jerk in surprise but he was powerless to stop Scott from taking a hold of his chin and turning his face around to meet the blonde's curious gaze.

"I hardly know anything about you," Scott whispered and Harry felt his heart beating rapidly against his ribs.

Time seemed to freeze around them as they continued to stare at each other and Harry wished that he could break away, that he could just rip his chin away from Scott's gentle touch and run far away from here where he did not have to deal with all the emotions that bubbled inside of him. But he could not, not when Scott stared at him like that. Like he saw Harry for who he really was, saw beyond the walls he had built up to keep people away.

His heart skipped another beat as Scott's eyes trailed down to his lips for a moment before coming up to meet his gaze again. Slowly, ever so slowly, he leaned in towards Harry who could only draw in a breath and stare wide-eyed as the blonde came closer.

"Harry!"

Ripping his face away Harry jumped up of the bench and swung around to watch as Peter came jogging across the grass. His heart was beating frantically and he took several deep breaths to try and calm down, running a hand over his face as he refused to turn around and look at Scott as he heard to other boy rising behind him.

"Harry, I'm glad I caught you," Peter said with a smile as he came to a stop before him.

"Yeah," Harry tried to say but it came out more like a squeak. Clearing his throat he rubbed another hand over his face. "Yeah, why's that?"

Peter looked at him curiously for a moment, sneaking a glance at Scott standing behind him, before he seemed to shake of whatever he was thinking. "I got a call from Sirius Black," he said. "He'll be here this weekend."

And just like that Harry's frantic heartbeat seemed to just come to a stop.

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	16. The Matter of Leaving

Disclaimer – Don't own Harry Potter or Higher Ground and I'm not making any money on this.

Author Notes – As always, a big thank you to those who review! You guys are the best!

And here comes the chapter that I know some of you have been waiting for. It's a big one too, easily the longest so far. Hope it lives up to your expectations!

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**Chapter 16 –**** The Matter of Leaving**

_Don't try to be the one person who has stayed_

_j__ust to say they never left me_

_Orchids – Stone Sour_

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It was ridiculous, Harry decided as he stared at the closed door in front of him. He had been standing there for a good five minutes now but he still could not force his hand to reach up and open the damn door. It was not like the door was locked or especially heavy or anything, he just could not move. Fucking ridiculous.

He had always considered himself to be strong – he had to be after all the shit he had gone through – and he was never one to back down from a fight. But still, here he was, too chicken to even dare open a bloody door. It had to be a sign of the apocalypse heading this way or something.

But – and he rubbed a hand over his eyes – Sirius was on the other side of that door. Sirius; his godfather, his father's best friend. Sirius who always laughed and joked around and brought presents and played pranks. Sirius who Harry remembered thinking was more of a child then Harry himself.

Sirius who left when Harry needed him the most.

He shook his head. Fuck! He knew that it was not Sirius fault but years of blaming him – years of hating him – were hard to just forget. He had only been a small child when his parents had been ripped away from him and he remembered dark nights spent in his cupboard hoping that soon Sirius would turn up and take him away from there. But he never did and over the years Harry did everything he could to just forget about him. It never worked but he did his best to push him out of his mind.

And now Sirius was here, just on the other side of that door, and for the first time in years Harry felt like that small child locked inside the cupboard again, just waiting for Sirius to take him away and to make everything better again. The only difference was that now he knew better then to hope for a happily ever after, now he knew that things never turned out the way you wished and he knew that the odds were that Sirius would simply leave again.

That was what made him hesitate outside the door. He was scared because for once he wished that things could turn out for the best and it went against everything he had learnt over the years.

Shaking himself one last time he decided that enough was enough! He was Harry bloody Potter and he was not the type of guy who stood staring at doors afraid to walk in! And with newfound confidence he took a step forward, twisted the doorknob and walked inside.

Only to falter as soon as he came face to face with the man he had tried so hard to forget that he ended up hating him.

Standing there and staring at him Sirius did not look exactly like Harry remembered him. The years had not been nice on him – probably because of his time in prison – wrinkles had started to spread from the laugh-lines around his eyes which in turn had seemed to sink deeper in to his pale face. He was clean-shaven and his hair looked like it had recently been cut but there were still grey streaks in it and Harry suspected that they would have been evident in his beard to if it had not been shaved.

There was something new about the look in his eyes too. There was a darkness in them that he had never seen before and he looked far more serious then Harry could ever remember him being. He turned away before he could analyze it further.

He slowly closed the door behind him and turned back to face the room, this time making sure that he did not look at the black-haired man standing hesitantly by one of the chairs.

"Harry, come on in," Peter said from behind his desk and Harry noticed him for the first time. "Please, have a seat."

He motioned towards the chair beside Sirius and Harry tentatively started to move towards it.

"I trust you remember Mr Black, sorry, I mean Sirius."

Harry knew that Sirius would have already told Peter not to be so formal and it was with a pang in his heart that he remembered how his dad had once told him to always refer to Sirius as Uncle Black and how James had laughed at the horrified look on Sirius face the first time Harry did. The incident resulted in a long ramble about how Sirius did not want to be associated with that family of his more then necessary and how "Uncle Black" reminded him too much of his own batty uncle. A young Harry had not understood much at the time but he knew to never call Sirius Uncle Black again.

Raising his eyes slowly, and cursing himself for looking so damn shy, Harry met the wide eyes of his godfather.

"Hi," he said uncertainly, feeling out of his depths and not really knowing what he was supposed to do in a situation like this. He absently thought that someone should write a manual. When a small smile lifted the corners of Sirius mouth and the man stared at him with so much emotion Harry felt his unease grow and he squirmed uncomfortably.

"Hi," Sirius responded at last and Harry saw his arm jerk as if he wanted to reach out to him but, thankfully, he seemed to know better than that.

Harry shifted a little on his feet before he finally sat down in his chair. Sirius eyes never left him as the man copied his motions and sank down in his own chair beside him.

"God, Harry;" Sirius said after a moment and there was something choked about his voice, like he literally had to push down on his emotions to keep them from escaping through his vocal-chords. "You've grown up!"

Harry snorted and rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck. "Yeah, well, I hear that tends to happen to people."

"Yeah, I guess so," Sirius said with a chuckle. "But I still can't believe it. It feels like just yesterday that I changed your dirty diaper."

Harry blushed, feeling the heat spread up from his neck and over his cheeks, and glared half-heartedly at the floor which only caused Sirius to chuckle once again and Harry could almost swear he heard a snigger escape from Peter. That was just bloody great, like he needed to be made a fool of in front of his stupid counsellor.

"You look just like James, you know, but with Lily's eyes," Sirius said and Harry sneaked a look at him.

The other man was looking at him as if he was not quite certain that his eyes were not deceiving him. There was hope and happiness mingled with uncertainty and fear and Harry thought he might understand where it came from. But there was also something else hidden in their depths, something Harry could not really place, but which looked faintly like reverence. It made him uncomfortable and he wished that Sirius would look away again.

"I wouldn't know," he said at last. "Can't really remember them that well."

It was only half the truth because he saw them almost every night when he closed his eyes but those images were distorted – covered in blood and clouded by fear – and over the years it had been getting harder and harder to remember them as anything else but visions out of his nightmares.

"But you've seen pictures, right?" Sirius asked and there was an undertone of confusion in his voice. "I'm sure Petunia had some of Lily at least."

Harry laughed but there was no humour in it and he saw Sirius shiver slightly. "Aunt Petunia wasn't really that fond of mum. Usually called her a freak whenever she was forced to admit that she'd actually existed. Pretty sure she wouldn't have saved any photos."

"Harry, I'm so sorry," Sirius whispered after a heavy silence.

"Good for you," he said with a smile that felt so fake that it hurt. "Hope you sleep better tonight."

"Harry," Peter said warningly but he only sneered at him and barely suppressed the urge to flick him the finger.

"No, it's alright," Sirius said and waved a hand vaguely in Peter's direction. "I deserved that. But I'm still sorry. You should never have been sent to live with the Dursleys."

"Yeah, well," Harry said and tried his best to sound nonchalant even though it did not sound right in his own ears, "I managed."

Sirius looked him up and down again and when he finally faced Harry there was a clear glimmer of disbelief in his eyes. "Yes, I can see that. You look like you're managing just fine."

Anger boiled up inside Harry – red-hot and all consuming – and if he had not been so far gone it would have scared him how fast he snapped. "Don't you fucking judge me!" he snarled. "You've got no bloody right! I did what I had to to survive in that house and you have no idea what the fuck I've been through, so don't you dare sit there and judge me!"

"Harry, no, I didn't mean it like that –"

"Bloody right you didn't!" Harry screamed, too far gone to stop, as he jumped up on his feet, Sirius following a second after. "'Cause you'd better not be such a twat that you think I'll just sit here and take that shit from someone like you! I managed with the Dursleys 'cause that's what I had to do. When everyone else left and I understood that no-one was coming back for me I learnt to survive on my own. So don't you fucking dare stand there and judge me when you're the one that left me behind in the first place!"

"I never meant to, Harry," Sirius pleaded. "I would have taken you in – you should have stayed with me – if only I hadn't gone to prison."

"That's no fucking excuse!" Harry yelled, his fists clenching and unclenching by his side as he tried to control his growing temper. He had a fleeting thought that this was not what Scott had meant when he said that he should give his godfather a chance but he pushed it away again. "Ever heard of this thing called a phone? Or if that's too modern for you, how about a letter?" His voice quieted until it was just barely a whisper but it was so filled with rage that it carried like a gunshot around the quiet room. "You let me be shipped of to the Dursleys without even saying good-bye. How's that for not leaving?"

There were several silent moments in the room after that as Harry tried to calm down his heavy breathing and he fought the urge to just lash out. He wanted to hurt someone, anyone, just so that he would not be the only one hurting.

Finally Sirius, staring down at the floor, said in a whisper, "I couldn't talk to you. I was so sad about James and Lily and I didn't really know what to say to you. There was nothing I could say to make it all better so I just . . . I didn't know what to say."

Harry snorted and looked away in distaste. "Brilliant. Just bloody brilliant."

"And then there were the charges," Sirius continued as if he had not heard. "I didn't want you to find out what they said I did."

Harry met Sirius gaze again and finally dared to voice the question that had been haunting him for so many years and which had only been worsened when Peter hade told him that Sirius had been innocent all along. "So what happened? Why'd you end up in prison?"

Sirius flinched violently and Harry felt an odd sense of joy that he managed to hurt the man.

"I was stupid," Sirius said after a moment. "There were –" and here he glanced at Peter, "some unfinished business after your parents death. I can't really talk about it but the man they said I murdered never really died, he faked his own death to frame me. Bloody rat."

The last part was said under his breath and he obviously did not mean for anyone to hear him but Harry did and suddenly images of a short man with thin hair and watery eyes flashed before his eyes.

"Wormtail," he whispered and Sirius head snapped up so fast that Harry feared he might get whiplash. "It was Peter, wasn't it?"

On the other side of his desk Peter sat up straighter in his chair but the other two just ignored him.

"I wasn't sure you remembered that name," said Sirius.

"I didn't, not until now," Harry admitted before he narrowed his eyes. "But I don't get it. He was your friend, right? A friend of my parents? Why would he frame you?"

Sirius threw a quick glance at Peter again before he turned serious eyes at Harry. "I can't tell you. Not now."

"The hell you can't!" Harry yelled, anger welling up inside him again. "I have the right to know!"

For years the Dursleys had told him that his parents had died in a car crash because his father had been driving drunk but that never explained the things he remembered; his mother begging for him to be spared, an evil laugh that chilled him to his very bone. And now he found out that somehow, just after their death, one of their best friends had had reason to frame his godfather with murder. It could not be a coincidence!

"I know, but I can't tell you," Sirius said. "It's better if you don't know."

"What right do you have to decide what I'm better or worse of knowing?" he hissed. "You don't know me. I'm not some little kid that needs protection from the big bad world. I grew up. You left, just like my parents, and I grew up so don't you think that you have any idea what I can handle."

"Harry, calm down," Peter said soothingly but Harry just turned his glare on him.

"Like hell I will!" he yelled and had to clench his hands to try and control the urge to hit something. Or someone.

"I was stupid and I'm sorry," Sirius said. "But don't you dare blame James and Lily for leaving! They loved you more then anything, they would have given the world for you, and they deserve better then for you to blame them!"

The words cut deeper then Harry wanted to admit and he felt tears starting to well up inside his eyes. He did not know if Sirius saw them or if it was something else but he seemed to calm down again and his next words were said much more quietly.

"And I don't think they ever really left you," Sirius said and the tender look he gave Harry made his heart ache. "I think they loved you too much for that. I think that all these years they have been watching over you and I'm sure they're really proud to see the man you're growing up to be."

The first tear escaped Harry's eye and was soon followed by more as they made trails down his cheeks. He understood that Sirius thought his words were soothing and that they would make Harry happy but it was the opposite. That the other man did not understand that just proved how much he did not understand Harry and what he had been through.

"They left," he said, his voice soft but certain. "Even if they loved me they still left. No-ones watching over me."

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Don't forget to review!


	17. Be the One Who Helps

Disclaimer – Not making any money on this (or anything else) so don't sue!

Author Notes – Yes, I know, this took way too long! But I had that exciting period when I wrote like crazy and then one day I woke up and realised that I was behind in all my school work. Not a very fun realisation, I can promise you that. So now I've been struggling like crazy to catch up but every time I finish one thing there's another waiting.

This isn't the most exciting chapter either but I thought Sirius deserved some retribution after all the shit he got in the last chapter. I promise the next chapter will be a lot more fun and something I know a lot of you have waited for will finally show up.

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**Chapter 17 –**** Be the One Who Helps**

_No matter what a man's past may ha__ve been, his future is spotless_

_- John R. Rice_

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Peter rubbed his hands over his face tiredly as he leaned back in his chair. Things could definitely have gone better then this he thought and cracked an eye open to look at the man sitting opposite him.

Sirius looked defeated – just like he had been since Harry had left the room some minutes ago – leaning forward in his chair with his elbows on his knees and his face resting in his hands. From the steady rise and fall of his back Peter guessed that he was breathing heavily in an attempt to collect himself. After a meeting like this Peter could not blame him.

Harry had shut down after his anger had left him. He had refused to look at any of them and only gave short, one-worded answers to any questions Sirius had. A few minutes later he had quietly asked if he was allowed to leave and Peter, who did not see any point in keeping him there against his will, let him go.

Things could certainly have gone better but he could not say that he was surprised that it turned out this way.

"I messed up."

Sirius voice was quiet and shaky and as Peter looked over at him again he saw that the other man still sat with his face hidden in his hands.

"He hates me."

Peter shook his head with a weary sigh. "Harry is a passionate kid," he said carefully. "He tries to keep all his emotions bottled up so when they finally break free it's like a volcano. He can't really control it."

Sirius looked up then and Peter was not all that surprised to see the tears in his eyes. "James wasn't like that," the man said, almost choking on his words. "He was passionate about things, sure, but not emotional like that. I . . ." he shook his head. "James wasn't like that."

Peter sighed again and wished for what felt like the thousand time that the words he was about to say was not necessary, that for once he would not have to explain what should be obvious. "Harry isn't James," he said. "Even if he had grown up with his parents, even if they hadn't died, he would still have been his own person. You can't expect anything else from him."

"I know that," Sirius snapped and leaned back in his chair. "Of course I know that! It's just . . ." he trailed of and turned his eyes towards the ceiling. "He's so different."

"Like Harry said, he grew up." Peter studied Sirius closely for a second before he continued. "He's been through a lot during these years and it has shaped him in to the person he is now. He carries a lot of anger."

Sirius chuckled but there was no humour in it. "Yeah, that he does." He was quiet for a second before he looked back at Peter. "What exactly do you mean when you say he's been through a lot? You never really told me why he ended up here."

It was true. Peter had not wanted to discuss it over the phone and had only revealed that Horizon was a school – a safe-haven – for troubled kids that needed extra support. He had meant to tell Sirius more once the man got here but there simply had not been enough time.

"I don't know every detail," he started carefully. "But first of all you need to realise exactly what Horizon is."

"What do you mean?" Sirius interrupted. "It's a school, right?"

Peter held up a hand to quiet him. "If you will just let me finish. Yes, it's a school but not just any school. I told you that this was a place for troubled kids and by that I mean teenagers who have lost their footing, who has lead a tough life and in the end could not deal with it. We have kids here that suffer from drug addiction, bulimia, self-injury, the list goes on. They come here as a last resort because if they don't get the help they need then they will be lost."

Sirius looked stricken. "And you think Harry needs to be here?"

"I don't _think_ he needs it, I know he does," Peter clarified. "He is a very troubled boy and I'm not sure his family was the best suited to deal with it."

Sirius shook his head and turned away and Peter let him absorb all the information in silence for a few minutes. He knew that it was a lot to take in and that once Sirius had he would have a lot of questions.

After several minutes Sirius finally spoke again but he did not turn back to face Peter. "You still haven't told me why Harry is here. Is he a junky or what?"

Peter studied the man and saw how tense he looked. "As far as I know Harry doesn't take any drugs," he said slowly and saw Sirius relax slightly. "But he has a problem with self-injury, it is uncertain when it started."

Sirius head snapped back and he stared at Peter with wide eyes. "Self-injury?"

"Yes," Peter said. "He has several scars on him, most notably on his arms, from self-inflicted wounds."

"How – What –" Sirius started, looking lost and confused. "Why would he do that?"

"There could be hundreds of different reasons, every case is different," Peter said patiently. "It often comes down to some kind of control; when they feel powerless in their own life hurting themselves can be a way to take back control over their own body."

Sirius stared at him silently for several long moments before he huffed and dragged a hand through his long hair. "My god," he whispered. "Harry . . . I didn't know. I knew that James and Lily's death would affect him, but this? How could I ever have guessed that this would happen?"

"You couldn't," Peter said earnestly. "No-one could."

"He should never have lived with the Dursleys!" Sirius stated and there was some anger leaking in to his voice now. "I always knew they were no good! Lily tried to defend Petunia but I know that they didn't get along. Harry shouldn't have been forced to live with them."

Peter knew that he agreed with Sirius even if his opinion was more based on the interaction, or lack thereof, between Harry and the Dursleys. The family clearly did not care for Harry or what happened to him and it must have been hard for a child to lose his parents and then be forced to live with relatives that obviously did not want him around. It was not something a child should have to go through.

"Harry also have issues with authorities and, as you've seen, with his temper," Peter continued. "It has caused some troubles in school and before he got here he had already seen several different psychiatrists. From what I've gathered it was always the school that insisted that he was to see someone, not Mr or Mrs Dursley."

A sound escaped Sirius, somewhere between a sob and a howl, and the first tear leaked from his eye. If Peter had thought the man looked defeated before it was nothing compared to how he looked now.

"Bloody hell, I've been so stupid!" Sirius cried and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "I should never have gone after Peter. I should have been there for Harry – I promised James and Lily – how could I be this stupid?"

Peter just watched him, not finding any words of comfort to give the man.

After a minute Sirius dragged in a heavy breath and faced Peter again. "He was such a happy kid, you know? Always laughing," he said, a small smile playing on his lips but the tearstains on his cheeks ruined the happy image. "I remember this one time; we were all out back – me, James, Lily, Harry and Remus – just having a laugh and enjoying the sun. James had built a new swing for Harry that weekend and the kid wanted to show it of. He swung higher and higher – me and James cheering him on while Lily fretted – laughing all the way when suddenly, as the swing reached its highest point, the bloody kid jumped right of!" Sirius laughed and wiped a tear of his cheek. "Didn't hurt himself or anything but he scared the living daylights out of both Lily and James – hell, he scared the crap out of me too – but he just laughed and said he'd wanted to fly." He chuckled again and a wistful smile came over his face. "And for a second there, I almost believe he did."

He was silent for several minutes, staring of in to space, and Peter knew he was relieving a hundred, maybe thousands, of happy moments like that.

"It's hard to think it's the same kid," Sirius said at last and looked back at Peter.

Peter was silent for a moment before he leaned forward in his chair and rested his elbows on his desk. "It isn't," he said softly. "And still it is. Harry has changed a lot over the years and he can't be the little kid that you remember."

He studied the man before him. This was a man that had spent nine years in prison for a crime that he had not committed and had only recently been declared innocent and been released. Peter knew that Sirius was probably filled with anger, just like Harry, and he would guess that prison-life had stopped Sirius to mature in some ways and forced him to grow up in others but he could still see how much Sirius cared about Harry and how much it pained him to see Harry hurt. For all of his shortcomings he might be exactly what Harry needed.

"But he is still Harry," he continued and met Sirius eyes as the other man looked up with something close to hope. "Somewhere deep inside he is still that young kid that you once knew. Somewhere deep inside he is still that little kid that just wanted to fly."

Sirius stared at him for a second before he barked a laugh and wiped at his eyes again. "You've got a way with words," he said and smiled at Peter who smiled back.

"Maybe he doesn't act like it but he needs you, Sirius," Peter said. "He is so used to doing everything on his own that he has forgotten how to ask for help."

Sirius was silent for several moments. "Are you sure I can help him?" he asked softly and Peter could see the traces of fear in his eyes. "He really didn't look like he wanted anything to do with me, so how could I help him?"

Peter smiled and said patiently, "You just need to be there. He needs to feel like he have some solid ground to stand on, to have someone that won't give up on him."

After a moment Sirius nodded slowly. "I could do that," he said softly. "He deserves nothing less."

For the first time since Peter had met Harry he felt a real glimmer of hope. For the first time he really started to believe that there could be a happy ending for this kid.

"But I need to leave for a bit," Sirius continued, suddenly looking ready for action as he stood up and grabbed his coat. "There's some things back in England that needs to be sorted. Legal stuff and all that rot." He turned towards Peter with a mischievous grin. "Not really supposed to be out of the country."

Peter snorted and shook his head. "When will you be back," he asked as he stop up from his own chair.

"Don't know," Sirius said with a frown and pulled on his coat. "Shouldn't take too long, but you never know when it comes to the government. Think they slow things down just to piss people of."

He paused and looked at Peter seriously, and Peter got the distinct impression that the other man was measuring him up. After a moment he nodded as if he was satisfied with what he saw and reached his hand out and shook Peter's.

"Take care of Harry for me," he said and Peter was a little surprised to see the hidden threat in his eyes that promised retribution should any harm come to his godson. For the first time he could understand how someone could think that this was a man capable of murder.

"I will," he promised seriously.

Sirius squeezed Peter's hand one final time before he smiled and dropped it. "I'll be back as soon as I can," he said as he turned towards the door but he only got a few steps before Peter called out to him and he stopped and turned back around.

"Harry's parents were murdered," Peter said. It was more a statement then a question and the way Sirius just stared back at him silently before turning and heading for the door again was all the conformation he needed.

With a hand on the doorknob and one foot out the door Sirius stopped again. He stared of in to space for a moment before a small chuckle escaped him.

"He's like Lily," he said with a wistful smile. "She was always the passionate one."

And with that he walked out of the room.

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	18. I Want You To Know

Disclaimer – Still don't own this, still poor.

Author Notes – Yes, a lot faster this time! Yay me! And, oh, I hope all of you will love this chapter! Things really are starting to happen now, it's so exciting.

Harry quotes a poem in this one and it's actually one of my own. It's nothing important for this fic but if you want to check it out it's called The Mirror and can be found on my Fictionpress. Link is on my profile.

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**Chapter 18 –**** I Want You To Know**

_Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody said it was a happy little tale . . . if somebody told you I was just your average ordinary guy, not a care in the world . . . somebody lied._

_- Spiderman_

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The sun had started to set beyond the horizon, colouring the world in shades of orange, and it was getting darker inside the cold, tiled bathroom. Small rays of the fading sunlight still streamed inside through the windows distorted glass but it left long shadows streaking across the floor and over the white walls.

Harry sat with his back leaning against the wall below the window and stared unseeingly in to space. He had been sitting there for some time now, he suspected that it had been at least an hour, but he still did not feel ready to move. Despite his calm façade there was turmoil inside him and he just could not seem to get it under control.

It had been hard seeing Sirius again. Some part of him could realise that maybe he had not acted very mature and maybe he should have tried to remain calm but the other part of him was happy that he had given Sirius a piece of his mind. The man had left him after all – no matter what he said or what Harry had tried to tell himself – and he deserved to be taken down a peg.

And what right did Sirius have to judge him? To look down on him? He had no idea what Harry had been through during all these years, what he had been forced to deal with, so how dare Sirius come here and make opinions without any facts?

A sob broke through Harry's defences and a hand reached up to tug at his hair in frustration. He was not supposed to be sad. Sirius was not worth it.

But the man was still his godfather . . .

Angry – at the situation and at himself – he got up of the floor and started to pace across the small bathroom. Five steps that way, turn, five steps back, turn and no matter how many times he repeated the anger did not fade.

The man had looked like he cared. Harry hated to admit it and he had refused to see it at the time but it was still true. Sirius had looked heartbroken when Harry yelled at him.

Had he blown it? Had this been his one chance?

No, Harry refused to believe that. Life had taught him better then that. You were not given second chances, if you wanted to make it you only had yourself to rely on. There was no fairy-godmother out there who would come to your aid when you needed it and make sure everything turned out alright in the end. You wanted something then you had to take it.

And Sirius did not know him. He had proven that quite clearly when he talked about Harry's parents.

"_I don't think they ever really left you."_

Harry tried to chuckle but it got stuck in his throat and he had to blink rapidly to clear his blurry vision.

They left. Everyone left. Always.

"_I'm sure they're really proud to see the man you're growing up to be."_

With a howl more animalistic then human he swirled around and with all his strength smashed his fist in to the closest mirror. It collapsed in to thousands of glittering pieces that fell down in to the sink and on to the floor in a series of broken crashes.

"FUCK!"

Breathing deeply he tried to calm himself but felt light-headed and was forced to lean heavily against the sink. Blood started to seep out of the many cuts on his hand and he could only watch them distantly as the small crimson drops trailed down to join the broken pieces of glass in the white sink.

"Only broken pieces of my soul," he whispered, the words from a long since forgotten poem suddenly remembered again and he closed his eyes tightly to stop the tears threatening to fall.

The sound of the door opening behind him forced him to open his eyes again with a weary sigh and he turned slowly to see who had disturbed him but as soon as he saw who it was his breath suddenly got caught in his throat and he faltered.

Scott was standing just inside the door, one hand still on the doorknob and the other hanging loosely by his side, and as Harry watched him his blue eyes slowly trailed down to stare fixedly at Harry's right hand from which blood softly dripped down on to the floor to gather in a small red puddle.

Harry felt his heartbeat speed up as he stared at the tall blonde. They had not been alone together since _that_ day and not because of Scott's lack of trying but because Harry had tried his best to avoid him. It had been hard to admit it, even to himself, but he was scared. He did not trust people easily – hell, he usually did not trust people at all – but for some reason he always felt safe with Scott and it scared him that the blonde could affect him that deeply.

What had become easier to admit was the fact that he liked Scott. He could not deny it anymore and over the last few days he had slowly lost the will to. But he had told himself never to depend on someone else again – not like he had depended on Cedric – because he was not sure he would be able to survive it if anyone else left.

"What happened," Scott asked softly and he was still staring at Harry's hand.

"Nothing." _Everything_.

Scott's gaze flickered up to met Harry's for a second and Harry had to suck in a breath at the understanding and sadness he could see reflected in the blonde's eyes. But then Scott looked down at his hand again and Harry breathed out slowly.

"It doesn't look like nothing."

And Harry snapped again. He did not know why but suddenly it was all too much and he could not deal with anything else but anger.

"What the fuck do you know?" he yelled and felt a pang in his heart at the hurt look Scott gave him – remembering clearly that day out by the woods when he had seen the exact same look on the blondes face – but he pushed it away and focused all his thoughts on anger. "What the _fuck_ do you know about anything? What are you even doing here? You look like a bloody jock, all tall and muscled, so what are you doing here? Training got too rough for you?" he snarled. "Had to pump up with some steroids maybe? Or were your rich fucking parents too strict on you? Forced you to be home a certain hour, do your homework, maybe wanted you to get in to a good college?"

He was breathing heavily by now and knew that he was far out of line, but that only made him angrier. Scott did not deserve any of this and Harry knew deep down that he only kept on pushing because he wanted a fight, but the way the blonde just stood there and took it – face hurt but calm – made him hate himself even more.

"What was it?" he cried. "Fucking tell me!"

He swung wildly, hands flying without a real goal, and it did not matter that Scott dogged his every move and finally managed to capture Harry's arms and pull him close because he had not really wanted to hurt him anyway. He tried feebly to fight his way out of Scott's arms, banging uselessly against his chest, but his strength was slowly starting to leave him and as his shouts started to twist in to sobs as he finally let go and allowed Scott to gently ease them both down on to the floor.

His whole frame was shaking, the sobs growing louder with every second that passed, and he fisted his hands in the fabric of Scott's shirt to try and anchor himself. It was like a dam had broken; once he finally let go there was no stopping all the emotions from welling over.

Through the haze he dimly noted that Scott was slowly rocking them from side to side and gently murmuring nonsense words that did not make any real sense but that still seemed to calm down the frenzied emotions swirling inside Harry. He choked out another sob and felt Scott's arms tighten even more around him.

"I was a jock," Scott said softly as Harry finally started to calm down, and he more felt the words then heard them as he sat with his face pressed against the blonde's hard chest.

He tried to shake his head but his strength failed him and he only shifted in the other's arms. "You don't have to tell me," he whispered and he meant it. Somehow it did not matter anymore.

"I do," Scott responded, his voice firm but still soft. "I want you to know."

Harry felt a flutter inside his chest at those words and did not know how he was supposed to respond to that so he only tightened his grip on the others shirt but, somehow, Scott seemed to understand and hugged Harry tighter for a moment.

"I was the quarterback," he continued. "I loved the game and I loved the training. And I was good at it too," he said and Harry could almost hear him smile.

"But," he said and his voice turned serious again, "things changed. My parents got divorced and I moved in with my dad. It was ok at first, when it was just me and him, but then he got married again."

He was silent then and Harry slowly untangled himself from Scott's arms so that he could lean back and look at him. The blonde had a far-away look on his face and his eyes were unfocused. His arms that had previously been wrapped around Harry now lay loosely on his lap.

"Scott," Harry said softly and the other boy blinked once before he seemed to come back to himself and turned his eyes to meet Harry's. There were pain in the blue depths now, uncertainty and a small glimmer of fear. "You don't have to tell me," he repeated. Scott stared at him a moment longer and Harry thought that he might have changed his mind but then he shook his head and turned his gaze away from Harry and towards his lap.

"She was only a few years older then me," Scott said as if he had never stopped. "Closer to my age then my dads. I –" he cut himself of with another shake of his head. "She would come in to my room at night," he said instead and suddenly Harry did not want to hear any more – did not want to hear what was coming – but for the life of him he could not move, he could just sit there and stare at Scott as the other boy continued.

"I tried to stop her at first but she said she knew how much I liked it and that if I told my dad she'd just say that it'd been me who'd seduced her." Scott leaned back against the closed door behind him and stared up at the ceiling. "I started losing it after that. Fell behind in school, skipped practice, stayed out all night and then it didn' take long before I started doing drugs. Not much and nothin' heavy just enough to block it out."

He fell silent again and Harry slowly scooted closer until he was leaning against the wall beside him. Going on instinct alone and ignoring every learnt reflex he had ever taught himself he reached out and gently grasped Scott's hand with his.

Scott looked up at him then and Harry tried to smile for him, to show him that he knew that it was not Scott's fault and that he was there for him. It did not feel right but Scott seemed to understand either way because Harry could see some of the uncertainty and fear leaving his eyes.

"I was shipped to Horizon soon after that," he continued and his voice sounded stronger now that the hardest part was over. "Hated it at first, just like you, but now I like it here. It's home. Peter's been a lot of help, the others too in their own weird ways, and I managed to tell my dad a few months ago." He chuckled but there was no humour in it and Harry squeezed his hand in support. "He didn' believe me of course and we got in a big fight about it but he ended up getting divorced from her a few months later after all. Tried to get me to go home with him but I found out that he still blamed me, still thought it was my fault, so I stayed here."

They were both silent after that and after a few moments Harry looked down in surprise as he felt Scott's thumb rub in gentle circles over the back of his injured hand. The bleeding had stopped some time ago and it was only a little tender now. A small tingle went up inside him as he watched the thumb move over his hand but he pushed it aside for now and looked up to face the blonde again.

"I'm sorry."

Scott huffed but did not stop his thumbs movements. "Wasn' your fault."

"I know," Harry said. "But I'm sorry you had to go through that and I'm sorry for earlier, for yelling at you."

The blonde looked at him and it seemed like he was trying to figure out a complex puzzle. "You were upset," he said slowly.

"I tried to hit you," Harry said just as slowly because it seemed that Scott had managed to forget that bit and he frowned when the other boy actually chuckled.

"Yeah, tried," he said and only laughed harder when Harry hit him on the shoulder.

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	19. Don't Hurt Him

Disclaimer – Don't own Harry Potter or Higher Ground, just playing around for a bit.

Author Notes – Yes, I know I'm all kinds of horrible for taking this long but I really couldn't help it. School is practically taking up all my time and the only times I have to myself are when I'm in the stable. I promise that I'll try to be faster next time but I can't promise that I will be. Sorry . . .

Thanks a million times to everyone who's reviewed, put it on story alert or on their favourite list!

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**Chapter 19 – Don't Hurt Him**

_Om du vill ha mig,_

_nu kan du få mig så lätt._

_Nu kan du få mig så lätt – Håkan Hellström_

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Things were going well. It felt strange to admit it, even if only to himself, but they were. Even the weather seemed to agree with him and had decided to bless them with a few last days of summer before fall would set in for real.

Harry could not remember a time when he had ever felt as content as he did right now. He could remember a few moments of happiness spread out over the years but a constant feeling of content like this was a whole new experience.

Peter had told him that Sirius had returned back to England and Harry had thought that that would be the end of it but in the next breath Peter had said that Sirius would return as soon as he could. So maybe Harry had not messed things up as bad as he thought he had and maybe there still was a chance that Sirius could become a bit more permanent in his life. He did not dare hope too much – had not even decided if he really wanted that – but there was a slim chance.

A slim chance was a lot more then he was used to.

He was getting along pretty good with the rest of the students too. He did not go out of his way to be nice to them and he still had his basterd-moments but they were coming out considerably less and less. Once or twice he had even caught himself saying things without spite and instead with a trace of humour. Ezra had seemed to catch up with that pretty quickly and had now become an almost permanent fixture by Harry's side.

But the most important change that had made it all possible was the one that centred around Scott.

Since that day in the bathroom when Scott had told him about what had happened to him they had grown much closer. It was as if they had made some unspoken deal that said that they should never be apart for more then an hour and even if they only parted for a few minutes Harry would start to feel antsy and his mind would start wondering what the blonde might be up to right at that moment.

They did not necessarily speak more then they did before. Usually they would just stay close and take comfort in the others presence. They spoke sometimes, of course, but their conversations were never as deep as they had been that day.

There was a lot more touching now too. Not intentional – or so Harry told himself – but they usually sat a lot closer then they used to and sometimes their hands would brush against each other when they walked. It always sent tingles up Harry's spine and left him feeling warm and _content_.

In other words; things were going well.

"I'm not scared to hurt ya."

Yeah, he had sort of suspected that things were going a bit too well. He raised a confused eyebrow and turned to look at Shelby as she sat down across from him with her tray. "Excuse me?"

"Just saying," she said flippantly and started to gather up her hair and pull it into a ponytail. "Ya might wanna remember that."

He watched her for a moment longer but with a shake of his head he looked away and gazed around at the other people seated in the cafeteria. "And here I thought Daisy was the crazy one," he muttered.

"She is," Shelby answered. "That's why I hafto threaten ya instead."

His eyes widened a fraction but that did not stop his lips from quirking up. "So you _are_ threatening me?"

She shrugged. "Someone needs to."

His smile widened. "Not to sound daft or something; but why does someone need to threaten me?"

"'Cause ya can't be trusted," she said and started picking at her food. "You have a tendency to hurt people, like innocent girls, an' that makes you untrustworthy."

"I see," he said. "Innocent girls like you?"

She shrugged again and took a sip from her water-glass. "None mentioned, none forgotten."

"Right."

He turned away from her again and looked down on what the cafeteria-lady had called "lunch". He could not help but to glare at it because, frankly, it looked more like someone had barfed and then decorated it with some vegetables. Sort of smelled like it too.

"Scott's a friend of mine."

He looked up. "What?"

"Scott's a friend of mine," she repeated. "Ya might wanna remember that too."

There was an uncomfortable weight settling in his stomach as he stared at her and alarm-bells were going of inside his head. He had a feeling his day really had taken a turn for the worse. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Just saying," she said. "Scott's a friend of mine and ya tend to hurt people. So I might have to hurt you."

He felt his heartbeat sped up and his fist clenched around the fork he was holding. "I'm not going to hurt Scott."

"Ya say you won't but that don' mean you won't," Shelby said and waved her hand dismissively. "I don't trust ya and I will hurt ya if I need to but that don' mean I'm not polite enough to warn ya first."

"Shelby calling herself polite, did I really hear that or are my ears deceiving me?" Ezra said and plopped down on the seat beside Harry. When both ignored him and just kept staring at each other Ezra cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Did I miss something?"

Harry kept his eyes fixed on Shelby's and tried to get back control of his speeding heart but it did not work. She had touched a nerve and he could not just push it away like it never happened. Because just as much as he feared that Scott would leave just like everyone else he feared that the reason would be because Harry would hurt him. He did not plan on it, of course, but he was scared that once he really let Scott in and the blonde found out who Harry really was he would realise that he had made a mistake and that Harry was not someone who deserved love or affection.

"You don't know anything about me," he whispered at last and did not know if he was closer to screaming or crying.

"An' that's the whole point," Shelby said. "Don't wanna get to know you that much either but Scott seems to so I have to watch out for him."

"I won't hurt him," Harry repeated.

She shrugged. "Prove it."

They stared hard at each other for several moments, both trying to size the other up and neither willing to back down, until Ezra clapped his hands loudly. When they swirled around to look at him he gave them his biggest smile.

"No fighting, kiddies," he said. "We're all the bestest of buddies here."

"Freakin', I swear to God, the day I'm even your friend will be the day pigs fly," Shelby gritted out between clenched teeth but Ezra just laughed.

"Funny that ya mentioned it, but I actually saw one on my way over here."

Just as Shelby looked like she was ready to jump over the table and pound Ezra in to the ground Daisy plopped down on the seat beside her closely followed by Scott taking a seat on the other side of Harry. The blonde turned to give him a small smile but when Harry barely managed to answer with his own – the earlier conversation with Shelby still circling in his head – Scott's smile turned in to a frown which only deepened when Harry quickly turned away again.

"Now, now, Shelby," Daisy said and patted the girl calmly on the head, "No need to get so worked up. You know that's just what he wants." She turned her eyes to Ezra. "And you should know better! No messing with Shelby's temper when I'm not around to protect you."

Ezra looked a little put down for a second before an actual growl from Shelby made him laugh.

Harry shook his head and stared down at his food again as the argument picked back up. Shelby and Ezra fighting was far from a rare occurrence and at the moment he was too caught up in his own thoughts to care about them.

Shelby really had hit a nerve and it bothered him that she had. A few weeks ago something like this would not have bothered him at all – what did he care about others? – but now the weight in his stomach just would not leave. He did not want to hurt Scott. He wanted to do everything in his power to make sure that the other boy was happy.

Even if that would mean leaving him . . .

The weight seemed to intensify at that thought and he felt bile rising up in his throat. He really did not want to leave Scott but he knew that he would do what was necessary. If being around Harry would hurt the blonde then he would leave and never look back.

"Are you alright?"

Scott's words were just a whisper, clearly not meant for the others to hear, and Harry could do nothing but shake his head in response. He was not alright. He was far from it.

"What's wrong?"

The words were a bit more urgent now, like Scott was ready to panic if he just got he signal, and Harry hated being the reason for it. He shook his head again – afraid of what would come out if he opened his mouth – and fisted his hands in his hair.

"Hey, what's up with Harry?"

It was Ezra who noticed that something was wrong and Harry could hear the argument that had only been background-noise to him fading away. He tried to straighten up, to tell them that he was fine, but his muscles would not cooperate.

"Here, come one," Scott said and wrapped his arm around Harry's waist. "Let's go get some air."

Harry tried to support some of his own weight as Scott hoisted him up but the blonde was strong and it felt so comforting to just lean on him. As they stumbled through the cafeteria he heard Daisy snarl at Shelby just as they walked out the doors; "What did ya say to him!?"

The fresh air hit him as soon as they stepped outside and he pulled in a deep breath to try and calm himself down. It did not work fully but it did become easier to breath after that.

They walked over to one of the benches – Scott's strong arm wrapped around him all the way – and slowly lowered themselves down on it. Harry leaned forward, elbows rested on his knees, and just concentrated on his breathing as Scott's hand kept rubbing soothing circles over his back.

They sat there in silence for several minutes before Harry finally started to calm down.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Why?"

"For freaking out like that," he said and rubbed a hand over his tired eyes.

Scott was silent for a few seconds. "Haven't we had this talk already?"

Harry snorted. "Right, sorry."

"You really need to stop apologising," the blonde said wearily and shook his head in exasperation.

Harry chuckled and leaned back again, Scott's arm coming up the rest on the back support as to not get caught between it and Harry's back.

"So what happened?"

There was nothing but concern in Scott's voice and Harry only hesitated for a second before he answered.

"It was nothing, just forget about it."

"Don't give me that shit," Scott said and even if his voice was still quiet and gentle the words forced Harry to look up at him in surprise. "Ya don' just freak like that for no reason," the blonde continued. "Just tell me."

Harry stared at him a moment longer but when he still could not see anything but concern in the others eyes he turned away again with a sigh.

"I don't want to leave you," he whispered finally and heard Scott suck in a breath.

"What?" the blonde asked and it pained Harry to hear the fear in his voice.

"I said I don't want to leave you."

"Then don't!" Scott replied, his voice rising as he grabbed Harry's shoulder and turned him around to face him. "What's going on? Is you're family pulling you out?"

Harry sneered, the thought of his family as unwelcome as ever, before he shook his head at the other boy. "No, no, it's nothing like that," he reassured him.

"Then what is it?"

Scott's blue eyes were wide as he stared at Harry, the grip on his shoulder almost painful and his lips were slightly parted as his breath quickened. Harry forced his eyes away again.

"I don't want to hurt you," he admitted quietly.

There was silence after as the other absorbed the words and Harry felt like running. Running as fast and as far as he possibly could and just forget about all the confusing emotions that swirled around inside him.

A soft hand on his cheek made him startle and he stared silently up in to Scott's gentle eyes.

"You won't," he said and Harry almost wanted to cry as he heard the conviction in the others voice. "As long as you don't leave."

And suddenly Scott's lips were pressing against his – soft and gentle – and Harry's eyelids fluttered closed as he lost himself in the sensation.

It was over almost before it started as Scott leaned back again and Harry opened his eyes to see him just an inch away. A slow smile spread over the blonde's lips and Harry knew that he looked dazed but he did not really care.

"You can't leave either," he whispered at last as his brain slowly started to catch up.

Scott's smile only grew brighter and Harry felt his heart melt. "Never," he promised and kissed him again.

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Author Notes – It only took them 19 chapters but we finally have our first kiss! Hope you're all happy. I also realised it's the first kiss I have ever written so I hope it wasn't too bad.

The quote in the beginning is from a Swedish song and is roughly translated: "If you want me, now you can have me so easily." The musicvideo can be found at http :// www. youtube. com/ watch?v= h2bVXorNRAY (take out the spaces)


	20. Walk On

Disclaimer – Don't own Harry Potter or Higher Ground and I'm not making any money on this.

Author Notes – Much faster this time! Yay for me! This is actually the second draft on this too. I had written almost the whole chapter when I realised that it absolutely sucked and didn't even go in the direction I had planned. So I threw it away and starter over again. Imagine how fast it could have been out if I had done it right the first time! This was probably one of my favourite chapters to write too so I hope you're all going to like it.

As always, thank you too all those who reviewed! I love you guys!

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**Chapter 20**** – Walk On**

_You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. _

_- Robin Williams_

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The clouds hung dark and heavy over the sky and there was a cold wind blowing in from the north but Scott still could not wipe the smile of his face as he walked through the woods. The Cliffhangers were on a three-day camping-trip – or what Peter usually referred to as a bonding experience – and they had been walking for four hours already. He could remember how much he hated these things when he had first come here – they all did – but they had kind of grown on him. He had always been a physical person and liked working with his body so to him it was much better to spend all day walking through the woods then to sit inside behind a desk.

But that was not the reason he could not wipe the smile of his face and a hard fist against his shoulder only forced a laugh out of him.

"I'm glad you find this funny," was the hissed remark and Scott turned to look at his companion.

Harry's raven hair, which was messy at the best circumstances, was now filled with twigs and leaves that had tangled themselves in the unruly curls and there was a dark patch of dirt on his left cheek. His clothes were equally messy, there was a hole on his right knee and his black Converse shoes looked like they had been dumped in the river. Scott was sure that Harry's drenched feet would agree with that opinion.

"This is bloody stupid," Harry continued. "They're probably just leading us out in to the forest to kill us of. Wankers, the lot of 'em!"

"Ya know, this isn't the first time we hafto do this," Scott said in his most sincere voice but from the glare Harry sent him he was pretty sure that it did not come out that way.

"Yeah? But that was probably just a decoy. Couldn't just do it the first time, now could they," Harry said, his hands gesturing wildly. "Would have been awfully suspicious."

Scott forced down the chuckle that wanted to escape and instead focused on the path before him. They were walking at the back of the group with Daisy and Ezra just ahead of them and Peter in the lead. Shelby and Jules were walking behind Peter and seemed to be whispering to each other – something that never boded well for the rest of them – and Auggie was right behind the two girls.

"Fucking stupid, that's what this is," Harry said, so focused on his rant that he tripped on yet another root. Scott's quick reflexes and steadying hand on his elbow was the only thing that kept the raven from hitting the ground for the hundredth time that day. "Blimey!"

"Ever thought about watching where you're goin'?" Scott asked and tried his best to keep the smile of his face. "Might be easier that way."

"Bugger of!" Harry snarled and tried to run a hand through his hair but it only got stuck in all the tangles. "The hell with this, I'm going to talk to Peter. I knew he was barmy but this is taking it too far!"

Scott laughed as Harry pushed past Ezra and hurried of to try and catch up with Peter. "Good luck with that!" he called after him and only laughed harder when Harry flicked him the finger.

Harry had been in a bad mood since he first found out about the trip. While it was true that the others had been on these "bonding experiences" several times before it was the first time for the dark haired boy and he had complained vehemently ever since. Scott would have grown tired of his rants a long time ago if it was not for the fact that it was, well, it was _Harry_. That and of course the fact that the more upset Harry became the more British he sounded and, to be honest, british slang had always sounded kind of funny to him.

"I see Harry hasn't calmed down yet," Daisy said as she fell back to walk beside him.

Scott snorted and shook his head. "Don' think he ever will."

"Poor Peter," Daisy said mournfully. "Doesn't realise what he's released upon himself."

Looking up ahead at Harry's wildly gesturing hands and Peter's look of exasperation Scott could not help but to agree.

"So what is it you see in him again?"

The blonde could feel his heart-rate speed up at those words but he did his best to look calm as he glanced at Daisy. "Who, Peter?" he said and shrugged. "He's an alright guy I guess. For a teacher at least."

"Aren't you cute," Daisy said and bumped him on the shoulder. "Trying to act all idiot-like."

"I dunno what ya mean."

"Sure ya do," she said with a smile. "You're secret steamy love affair with Mr Grumpy over there? Ringing any bells?"

"What!" he said but the effect was kind of ruined as he had choked on his own saliva and his voice had gone strangely high pitched. He coughed desperately to try and clear it. "You're crazy!"

"Yes, well, I've never denied it before so why start now?" Daisy laughed and patted Scott on the back as he tried to get air back in to his lungs. "If I'd known you'd react like this I would've done this a long time ago. Ya look kinda funny when you're all blue in the face."

"Daisy, what the fuck!?" he hissed. They had stopped in their tracks as soon as Scott started to choke himself and he cast a quick look ahead to make sure that the others where far enough away so that they would not be overheard. "Where did ya get that from?"

"Oh, relax," she said and waved her hand dismissively. "It's not like you've been very subtle with all the lovey-dovey eyes you've been sending each other."

"I – I – I don't – " he tried to say something – he did not really know what but he hoped it was some kind of denial – but somehow his brain and his mouth had stopped working together.

She reached over and patted his arm reassuringly. "Don't worry about it, I won't squeal on ya."

He took a deep breath, rubbed a hand through his hair and then looked up at her again. "Is it that obvious?" he asked in a small voice.

"Nah," she said. "Only if you're looking for it."

"And why were _you_ looking for it?" he asked confused.

"You know me, I'm all for sunshine and rainbows." She laughed when Scott raised an eyebrow. "Alright, maybe not, but maybe I'm just a bit more observant then others."

"Alright, I can buy that," he said wearily.

Daisy was silent for a second and he could feel her eyes on him as she studied him. "So what is it you see in him again?" she finally asked.

Scott wanted to sink through the ground or at least be anywhere but there. "I dunno, he's nice I guess."

"Auggie's nice," she said with a frown that he thought looked kind of judgemental. "Ezra's nice too but I don't see you walking around with you're tongue down his throat."

Scott, who had finally got his breathing back under control, answered that by choking yet again. Coughing for a few seconds he turned wide eyes towards the amused girl next to him. "Dais', for fuck's sake!" he yelled. "I didn't want that image inside my head!"

"Maybe ya should've thought about that before you said something that stupid."

"What?" he cried indignantly. "That wasn't stupid. Harry is nice, even if he's in a mood today."

She rolled her eyes at him. "For the love of everythin' unholy," she said under her breath and rubbed a hand over her eyes. "Are all boy's this stupid or just everyone I've met?" When Scott opened his mouth to answer she cut him of with a wave of her hand. "No, don't answer that! I'd be disappointed either way."

She took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eyes. "Harry _is_ a nice guy," she said seriously. "Harry's such a nice guy that he deserves to have someone who sees that's he's more then nice. You getting it yet?"

"Um . . ." Scott tried but did not really know what came after that.

"I knew there had to be a reason I didn't do this sooner," she mumbled. "Alright, how 'bout this then. Harry deserves someone who loves him. And ya don't love someone 'cause they're nice you love them 'cause of the way they smile, or 'cause of their sense of humour or 'cause they're compassionate." She stared at him again. "Getting it now?"

The world seemed to have stopped. All sounds were muffled. He thought he was breathing but he did not know for sure. "I never said I loved him," he whispered.

Daisy rolled her eyes again. "That's it, from now on I'm a lesbian," she mumbled before she turned her eyes to him and gave him a look that suggested he was as smart as five year olds. "Course ya didn't, Scott. I'm just saying you don't like someone 'cause they're nice. Ya need more reason then that."

He shook his head to try and clear it and looked up ahead at Harry. The raven was still fighting with Peter about their camping trip and now Ezra had caught up with them and got mixed in to the argument. Somehow neither Harry nor Peter seemed to appreciate his input and Harry actually looked ready to tackle the other boy.

"He's passionate," Scott whispered at last and missed the triumphant look on Daisy's face. "When he cares about something he stick's by it." He smiled. "And he's funny. Not like most but he's got a sort of dark humour and that sarcastic mouth of his."

"Bet ya love that mouth for other reasons too," Daisy said with a wicked smile and he turned towards her with a laugh.

"I thought ya wanted me to be serious here?"

She shrugged. "What can I say? I can't control when my minds falls down the gutter."

He snorted and started to walk again, his pace slow. "I'm not gonna talk to you about that."

"No, don't be like that!" she called and ran a few steps to catch up with him. "I'm deprived here! I'll take my naughty-fix wherever I can get it!"

Scott smiled and glanced over at her. "Weren't you a lesbian now?" he said. "Two guys shouldn't be you're thing."

She waved her hand dismissively. "Yes, yes, but that was minutes ago and we've already determined that I'm crazy so you shouldn't take me too seriously."

"I'll remember that."

"You should," she said seriously. "Crazy people are prone to doin' crazy things. It's crazy really."

Scott could not keep his laugh back at that.

"Oh, for the love of whatever, this is not bonding!"

Everyone stopped in their tracks to stare in shock at Harry. The boy was practically glowing with anger and his hands that had previously been gesturing wildly were now clenched tightly by his side.

"Harry, keep it down," Peter said and Scott was surprised to see that the man actually looked like he was losing his patience. It was not something that they saw often.

"I will bloody _not_ keep it down!" Harry yelled again. "It's kidnapping, that's what it is! Child-abduction! Or abuse, that works too. Have you seen my clothes?" He gestured at himself and his dirty and torn clothes. "There's got to be something illegal about this!"

"Dude, I'm sorry," Ezra, who had been staring at Harry and Peter with a sort of sick fascination, said slowly. "But there isn't anything illegal about this. Trust me, if there was I would've known."

Harry switched his glare from Peter to Ezra and then back again. "Fine," he snapped. "Be that way." He quickly turned on the sport and would have done an impressing dramatic exit if his foot had not tripped on a rock. As it was he fell face first on the ground, barely with enough time to catch himself, and then stayed laying there.

After a few silent moments Jules slowly stepped closer. "Harry? You ok?"

"Just kill me now," came the mumbled response causing Ezra to laugh.

Peter shook his head. "Alright, let's keep moving. We're almost at the spot where we will stop for lunch."

"Oh, food!" Ezra called and hurried on after Peter. The others followed at a slower pace and cast amused glances at Harry as they passed.

"Think your boy needs ya," Daisy said with a soft smile and patted Scott's arm before she left. As she passed by Harry she nudged him with her foot but the boy did not move from his position.

Scott sighed before he started to move towards the raven-haired and when he was just a few feet away Harry rolled over on to his back and stared up towards the sky.

"I hate this," he said.

Scott looked down on him and saw that all the anger seemed to have left him for now and instead he just looked broken. "I know."

"I hate it all," Harry said.

"I know."

Harry sighed then blinked and looked up at Scott. His eyes looked much older then they should be allowed to look and Scott hated it. "It's all just one big struggle, isn't it?"

Scott was silent for a moment, thought about what his answer should be and then simply replied what he believed. "Yeah."

Harry blinked again and looked up at the sky. After a few silent moments he took in a deep breath and slowly started getting to his feet and Scott imidiatly reached out a hand to help him up. When he was on his feet again he dusted himself of, took a long look at the way the others had walked and then turned to look in to Scott's eyes.

"We better move on then," he said and gave a small smile which Scott readily returned.

If they walked a bit too close to each other during the rest of the trip no-one made any comment about it.

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	21. The Calm Before the Storm

Disclaimer – Not making any money on this, it's just for fun.

Author Notes – This chapter is dedicated to CatishAngel07 not only because she always takes the time to review but because she wrote a PM which resulted in a long rant from me about the trouble I had with this chapter. That in turn helped sort out my head and get me back on track. Thank you!

And, like always, thanks to everyone else who takes the time to review, put on story alert, favourite list or just reading the story.

Hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

**Chapter 21 – ****The Calm Before the Storm**

_The more I have to change I just stay the same_

_Erik Hassle – Hurtful_

"You can stop laughing now," Harry said and shot a glance over at Scott who had given up trying to hold back his laughter a few minutes earlier. "So maybe they didn't off us this time but I'm sure the longer they'll wait the more gruesome our death will be."

"And here I thought Dais' was the paranoid one," Scott gasped out, a hand clutching at his stomach.

Harry frowned and shot another glance over at the blonde. "It's not being paranoid if they're really out to get you."

"Oh God, stop!" Scott laughed. "My stomach can't take anymore!"

"Then maybe you should try some sit-ups once in awhile," Harry muttered and quickly side-stepped the swing Scott aimed at him. "Alright, touchy subject!"

"There's nothin' wrong with my abs," Scott said and to Harry he actually sounded a bit touchy.

Taking his time Harry let his eyes travel slowly over the blonde's body and finally coming to rest on his stomach. His lips quirked up and he said, in the huskiest voice he could manage, "No, nothing wrong at all." The way Scott's cheeks blushed red and how his eyes immediately shifted away told Harry that he had pulled it off.

"Uh, this is like way too gross."

Whipping his head around Harry shot a glare at Shelby as she sauntered over towards them with a sneer on her face. Trust the little bitch to ruin the moment.

"Then way don't you fuck the hell of?"

She tutted at him which only made him glare harder and his fists to clench at his sides. No, Shelby really was not his favourite person in the whole world. Hell, he would rather go on a date with Hitler then spend one more second with her then necessary.

"Can't do," she said and waved her hand at him as if dismissing someone who was far beneath her in standards. "Scotty her enjoys my company too much, can't deny him that."

Harry felt the growl rise up in his throat and was just about to take Shelby's head of – possibly literally – when Scott put a calming hand on his shoulder and pulled him back a step.

"Shelby, you're pushing it," the blonde said, his voice firm as he bent forward slightly to tower over her.

Harry, who had never really seen this side of Scott before, started to think that maybe Shelby coming over and being her bitchy-self was not such a bad thing after all. The blonde looked kind of hot – well, hotter then usual – when he stared her down like that and his voice – Harry felt a shiver run down his spine – yeah, that was a nice surprise too.

"Aw, don' be like that," Shelby said with a smile playing on her lips. "Lover-boy here can stand up for himself."

It was not really much of a surprise to Harry that Shelby knew about them, he had kind of guessed after her threats in the cafeteria, but the casual way she said it made him freeze up for a second and cast a quick look over his shoulder to make sure her loud voice had not carried too far. The way Scott's hand tightened on his shoulder confirmed that Scott had not appreciated her careless statement either.

Scott voice did not rise in volume but there was no mistaking how pissed of he was. "Go away," he said, his voice firm like steel. "Now."

Shelby finally seemed to realise that she was out on deep water as uncertainty flashed in her eyes for a second. Then she huffed, threw her hair back and flashed Scott another smile. "Well, I can see I'm not welcome at the moment," she said with as much dignity as she could manage and then strolled of, hurrying her steps a little to catch up with Jules and Auggie.

"At the moment," Harry sneered under his breath as he watched her leave. "Like she's ever welcome."

"She not that bad once you know her."

Harry whipped his head around again and stared flabbergast at Scott. He shook his head a second later and rubbed a hand over his temple. "I'm sorry, I know I've tripped a lot the last few days but I've must have missed when you fell and hit your head."

Scott started walking after the group again and dropped his hand from Harry's shoulder, immediately making Harry miss the contact.

"I mean it," Scott said and stared ahead, a frown on his face. "Shelby's just . . ." he paused for a moment and then looked at Harry. "She's like the rest of us. She haven't had it easy."

He looked ahead again and Harry turned his own eyes towards the ground as he walked silently beside the blonde. After a few minutes Scott started speaking again.

"She helped me, ya know," he said and his voice sounded like he was miles away. "When I first got here and I didn' wanna tell anyone, she helped me." He paused again. "She isn't so bad, ya know."

The pain was practically pouring off of Scott and Harry knew that there was more to the story, something the blonde was not telling him, but he also realised that it probably was not his secret to tell. Instead he walked a bit closer to Scott and let his hand gently brush against the other boys.

At the light touch Scott looked up at him again and after a second a small smile came to his lips. He let his fingers tangle with Harry's for a moment, stroking gently over each digit, before he reluctantly pulled away again.

Harry let out a breath that he had not realised he had been holding and scowled at Peter who was still walking in the lead. "This is ridicules," he huffed. "It feels like everyone knows about us anyway so why should we have to keep it a secret?"

"Probably 'cause of the rules," Scott said and Harry quickly picked up on the irritation in his voice. Good to know he was not the only one who was frustrated.

"And we're the kind of people who usually follow rules?"

Scott chuckled at that and Harry threw him a devilish grin.

Just as Scott was about to respond the group broke through the tree-line and Horizon came in to view for the first time in three days.

"Home sweet home," Harry said sarcastically but he could not really keep down the feeling of content that washed over him and from the sideway glance Scott shot him he was sure the other boy picked up on it too.

"Place growing on ya?"

"'Course not!" Harry said quickly and glared at the buildings to really make a point. "But I'll admit it's better then having to spend one more second in that bloody forest."

Scott shook his head with a smile. "Whatever you say."

They sped up a bit to catch up with the rest of the group and had just reached Daisy and Ezra when Steve came running out of the office-building heading towards their group.

"Peter!" he called as he rushed towards them and they all turned to see Peter frown at him before he walked ahead to met him.

When Steve reached him he immediately started talking fast but in a hushed voice so that they could not hear and the longer he talked the heavier Peter's frown became.

"Wonder what that's about," Ezra said and looked over as Auggie, Jules and Shelby came over and joined them.

"No idea," Auggie said. "But it don' look good."

Just then both Peter and Steve turned and looked straight at Harry. It was only for a second and they swiftly turned around again and continued talking but Harry felt like someone had pulled the ground out from under him.

"The hell was that?" Shelby said and glanced at Harry before she turned towards the adults again.

"Peter doesn't look very happy," Jules commented softly.

It was true. Peter looked to be somewhere between anger, fear and sadness as he shot another look over at Harry and Steve did not look much better either.

Harry had trouble breathing. It felt like something was pressing down on his chest and only letting a small amount of air in to his lungs with every breath that he took. He knew things were going too well. He knew that sooner or later – and more often then not it was sooner – something would happen that would make his whole world come crashing down. He knew he would not be allowed to feel this happy for long.

Steve had run of. Harry did not know for sure but he thought that he had probably headed back to the office. But all his focus was on Peter who had turned around again and stood staring at him. He felt like someone had nailed him to the ground because he wanted to run away – run far and fast – but somehow his body remained exactly where it was.

A gentle hand at the small of his back anchored him as Peter slowly started to walk towards him and Harry knew without looking that it was Scott's hand. He also knew that if it had not been for that hand he would have probably swayed because the ground seemed to have decided to move.

"Harry," Peter said softly as he came to a stop before him. "I need a word with you."

Harry tried to swallow but it got stuck in his throat. "You can say it here," he said, his voice much firmer then he thought that he would be able to manage.

Peter looked around at the others, clearly unwilling to discuss what ever it was in front of everyone, and his eyes rested for a moment on Scott's arm before he looked up at Harry again.

"This really isn't the best place," he tried again but Harry cut him of with a snarl.

"Just spit it out," he snapped, knowing his temper was short but not about to apologise for it. He calmed down a little as he felt Scott's thumb start to move in circles on his back and he leaned back to take as much comfort from the small action as he possibly could.

Peter looked down at the ground for a moment and Harry was just about ready to snap at him again when the older man looked up and met Harry's stare head on. "Your uncle called," he said and Harry felt like someone had punched him in the gut.

His vision lost focus for a second and the echo of a door slamming vibrated in his head but he blinked rapidly and met Peter's eyes again. "Yeah, so?" he asked, keeping his face blank and his voice steady. You do not show weakness. Ever.

"Apparently your godfather's lawyer had contacted him," Peter said slowly as if he did not think Harry could understand him if he talked faster.

"What lawyer?" he asked, a small sliver of confusion reaching him through the heavy beating of his heart.

"I don't know every detail but from what your uncle said I think Mr Black is trying to get custody of you."

His knees almost buckled but Scott quickly stepped up and wrapped an arm around his waist to steady him and someone else reached out a hand to squeeze his right shoulder. When he felt steadier again he glanced to his right and met Auggie's concerned look. He tried to give him a reassuring smile but it did not feel like it came out right.

"But isn't that a good thing?" Ezra said confused and Harry turned his eyes towards him. "I know you haven't talked much about it but I thought you didn't like your relatives. So getting a godfather instead has to be a step up, right?"

"That is not all," Peter said and they all turned around to face him again. "Apparently your uncle did not like the implication that they did not take care of you and he was . . . upset that they had sent you here to help you only for it to lead to this."

"Tough luck," Auggie snapped but did not meet Harry's eyes as he glanced up at him but he could feel Auggie's hand tighten on his shoulder for a moment.

"Sucks to be them," Shelby said and Harry was surprised to hear the venom in her voice. Maybe there really was another side to her.

"Harry," Peter said and he turned his eyes towards him again. "They're taking you home."

The world froze. All sounds disappeared. He could not even feel his heart beat.

For such a long time after he got here he had just been waiting for them to kick him out so that he could return to the Dursleys for the last little bit before he came of age and then he would be free. He had pushed, he had argued and he had done everything in his power to get the hell away from this place but they would not let him go.

And then everything had changed. He had met Scott. He had allowed him to get close even when every instinct had told him to run away. He had opened up and somewhere along the line he had settled in.

And now they were ripping it away.

"Ok," he said. "Ok." He took a step backwards and shrugged of Auggie's steadying hand and Scott's comforting arm. "Fine. When are they coming?"

Peter looked like he had tasted acid but Harry quickly turned his eyes away from him again. "Tomorrow."

Harry closed his eyes for a second, his head bent slightly forward so that his bangs covered his eyes, before he looked up again. He did not really meet anyone's eyes but he plastered an indifferent look on his face and shrugged casually. "Good, about time I get out of this bloody place." His hands trembled but he quickly shoved them in to his pockets.

"Harry," Scott started and took a step towards him but Harry quickly took another step back and put a smile on his face.

"Didn't think I'd want to stay here did you?" he said and chuckled. It felt more like he was choking but he thought the sound came out right at least. "No one in their right mind would."

"Harry, I'm sorry."

He cast a quick look over at Peter but could not meet his eyes. "Right," he said and took another step back. "Better get packing then. Don't want to leave the Dursley's waiting."

He turned away before anyone could try and stop him and walked towards their room.

It took every bit of strength not to start running.


	22. Before Tomorrow

Disclaimer – No money is being made on this.

Author Notes – I know, I know, this took forever to get out, and I'm sorry about that, but life's hectic at the moment. I'm only in time about four days a weak at the moment because of work and when I'm here I have to do all my school work too.

But I want to thank everyone for their kind and wonderful reviews! The response for the last chapter was amazing and I love all of you!

And an extra thank you to CatishAngel07 who was kind enough to take the time and beta this for me. Thank you a million times over!

(Edit - The site is messing with my document but hopefully it won't be too bad. I'll fix it when I can figure out what's wrong)

**Chapter 22 – Before Tomorrow**

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

_Iris – Goo Goo Dolls_

The night was dark and silent. Heavy clouds covered the sky and the rays of moonlight that filtered through them were few and far between. He had not bothered to turn on any lights.

The dark seemed fitting. He did not know if he would be able to explain why in a way that others would understand, it just suited him right now. Perhaps in some way you could say that the dark was a reflection of his mood but in other ways that was not even close to the truth.

He felt empty. Maybe that would be a better way to describe it; not that he felt dark but that he was empty of light. And when there was no light there was not anything else either, or at least nothing that you could perceive.

After finding out the news from Peter he had escaped to the bedroom. He had said that he would pack but in all honesty he still had not really unpacked and therefore there had not been a lot to stuff back down in to his bag. Not having anything to occupy himself with had left him with no choice but to think about what Peter had said.

He had not been able to sleep. He had no real memory of it but sometime he had laid down on his bed and pulled the quilt over himself. But sleep would not take him and he had been left staring in to space as he tried to keep his mind blank and not focus on what tomorrow would bring.

The others had found him like that. Auggie and Ezra had spared him some sad and worried looks before they had busied themselves with getting ready for bed but Scott had sat down beside him, put a comforting hand on his shoulder and whispered that everything would turn out alright in the end. Harry had not bothered to respond to that.

Hours later – long after Scot had returned to his own bed with a sigh and the others had fallen asleep – Harry had wandered out here to the common-room and curled up on his favorite armchair. He did not know how long he had been sitting here and he did not really care, he just wished that the night would never end because he did not want to face the morning.

The Dursleys were coming to get him.

The thought sent a shiver down his spine and he hated himself for it. He should be stronger then this. He should not let them scare him like that anymore.

But he could not help it. He tried to act tough around them, tried to rebel and show them that he did not care what they did to him but in truth they scared him more than anything else. It was a fear that had been engraved in him for so long that he did not know how to overcome it.

The sound of feet padding softly across the floor brought him out of his thoughts and he glanced up to see Scott looking down on him. The blonde was dressed in a loose fitting white t-shirt and a pair of pale blue-stripped pyjama-pants. His hair was ruffled but lay flat on his left side and Harry guessed that was the side he had been laying on. The darkness made it impossible for him to see much of Scott's face.

"Want some company?"

Scott's voice was so soft that Harry almost did not hear it but he could still recognise the uncertainty in the blonde's body-language. He knew that he should feel bad that he had given Scott any reason to loose confidence around him but instead he pushed it away and plastered a small smile on his lips.

"Sure, why not," he said and was glad that he could not see Scott's face because he was sure the other heard how fake he sounded.

There was silence between them again as Scott sat down on the couch next to his armchair and even if Harry could not see his face he could feel the way the blonde glanced at him every few second or so. It made him feel a bit self-conscious and after a few minutes he could not help but squirm slightly in his seat.

"I'm sorry," Scott whispered finally and he sounded so sincere that Harry did not dare face him.

"What for?" He said instead and tried to sound nonchalant. "Not like it's any of your fault that they're pulling me out. And, besides, I've wanted to get away from here since the first time I laid eyes on this place so it's about bloody time."

"Stop that," Scott said and he suddenly sounded so angry that Harry snapped his head up to stare at him. "You can feed that bullshit to everyone else but not me! Maybe you don't wanna admit it but I know you and I know you don't wanna leave so stop saying that."

Harry knew his eyes had gone wide at the blonde's outburst and it took him a moment to collect himself but after that the anger took over without hesitation. "You know me!" He hissed. "The hell you do! Why the fuck would I want to stay here, out in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of kids that have gone bonkers?"

"'Cause we can understand you." Scott said it like a statement, like it was the one and only truth, and it made Harry pause. "I know ya don't wanna admit that you have problems – no-one does – but you do and everyone else here does too. And maybe we don' go around talking about it all the time or get all touchy-feely about our emotions but we support each other. We're Cliffhangers, Harry, and we don't let out team-mates fall."

There was a lump in his throat and he tried to swallow but it did not go away. He rubbed a hand tiredly over his eyes – refusing to acknowledge the reason why they stung – and a small laugh bubbled up in his chest and escaped past his lips. When he looked up again Scott was frowning at him so Harry gave him a small smile.

"That's got to be the cheesiest speech ever," he said and smiled wider when Scott chuckled.

"Yeah, well, I think Jules's starting to rub off on me."

Harry shook his head. "No, you don't get off that easy. I think it's the quarterback in you, I can picture you at a pep-rally spitting out shit like that."

"What can I say; once a team-player always a team-player."

They both laughed at that before drifting in to silence. Harry shifted a bit in his seat again and glanced over at the empty space beside Scott but shook his head and remained where he was.

His thoughts went back to the problem at hand and he felt his heart ache at the thought of leaving without Scott. The thought of going back to the Dursleys was bad enough but to do so without Scott? He hated it.

"I don't want to leave you." The words were out of his mouth before he realised it but he could not find it in himself to regret them. His eyes slowly drifted up to meet Scott's just as the clouds finally broke apart and the moons soft light slipped in to light up the darkness.

Scott looked more serious then Harry had ever seen him before. His lips were pressed together in to a thin line and his eyes looked in to Harry's without hesitation and with so much emotion that he felt dizzy.

"You're not," Scott said at last, his voice soft but firm. "They're taking you away."

Harry snorted at that and turned his eyes away to glare down at his lap. "What's the difference?"

"The difference is that it's not your choice," Scott said. "The difference is that I know that you don't wanna leave me."

He could feel a blush creep up his cheeks so he tilted his head forward a bit more to make sure his hair hid his face from Scott's gentle gaze and instead his eyes came to rest on his right arm. He had a long sleeved shirt on but the arm had slipped up a bit and a few of his scars could be seen in the soft moonlight. It had been a long time since he last made himself bleed and even longer since he last cut himself. The urge was still there and he often caught himself starting to scratch his skin but he had been strong enough – or maybe calm enough – to never take it to the next step. He thought the fact that Scott was almost always close by had something to do with it too.

"This won't end well." His words were hardly a whisper but he knew that the other boy heard him because he shifted in his seat to lean forwards. "I don't know if I can do this."

Harry was a firm believer in not showing weakness – not ever – but for some reason that never felt so important when Scott was around.

"Talk to me," the blonde said softly. "Please Harry. I can't help if I dunno what's wrong."

He took a deep breath, held it for a second before slowly letting it out again and ran his hands through his hair, pulling at the unruly strands.

"I've lived with the Durselys since I was eight, " he started, eyes staring fixedly down at his lap. "They never wanted me. I don't exactly remember much of the beginning, my parents had just died and I was shipped off to the Dursleys while I was still in shock, but I remember that I never felt welcome. Uncle Vernon had just been promoted and they were moving here to the States and suddenly they had to take me along with them." A small smile stretched his lips but there was nothing happy about it. "They hadn't really counted on that."

He was silent for a few moments as memories slowly replayed themselves and he could remember the pain and confusion he had felt when his whole life had been taken away in just a few days. He had lost not only his parents but his friends and his country.

"For the most part they pretended that I wasn't there and made damn sure that I knew that I wasn't a part of the family. I did chores and cooked practically every meal for them, watched how they just got fatter and fatter while I barely got a scrap. If I dared complain they'd lock me in the cupboard, sometimes for days."

"They locked you in a cupboard?" Scott voice was tense with barely constrained anger and Harry laughed without any real humour.

"Yeah, it was my bedroom," he said and saw rage flicker in Scott's eyes before he turned away again. "The cupboard under the stairs. It was only for the first couple of years, when I was thirteen I'd grown too big so they let me have Dudley's second bedroom. He threw a real fit."

"Couldn't you tell anyone? A friend?"

"Didn't have any," Harry said with a quick shake of his head. "If anyone dared talk to me Dudley would beat the shit out of them."

"A teacher then?"

Harry snorted. "Yeah, like adults ever helped!"

They lapsed in to silence for a few minutes as Harry tried to collect his thoughts again. Finally he looked up and met Scott's stare head on.

"I had a boyfriend," he said and pushed forward even when he saw Scott tense. "Cedric. Met him over a year ago, we went to the same school but he was a few years older then me. He was the first one who didn't care what people said about me and he was so popular around school that Dudley didn't dare try and scare him of." He had to stop for a few moments as grief tried to consume him but he knew that this was now or never. "He tried to help me. I wouldn't really let him – refused to tell him about my home-life or what had happened – but he figured it all out anyway. He saw my scars, both the self-inflicted ones and the others. He really wanted to help me, really cared, and eventually I started to realise that."

He stopped again and turned to stare out the window. The moon shone brightly on the clear night sky as only a few clouds still lingered around its edges.

"What happened?"

Scott voice was soft and hardly broke through the silence and Harry closed his eyes.

"He died," he whispered. "It was so stupid. We were just parting ways and he turned around to smile at me. He never saw the car coming." The echo of brakes screeching and the thud as Cedric flipped over the hood sounded in his ears and he felt the first tear roll down his cheek. "He smiled and then he was just gone."

Everything was still for a second and then Scott got up from the couch, walked over and gently slipped down in to the armchair beside Harry. There was not much room but there was not any need for it as they curled up around each other and Harry hid his face in Scott's shirt.

"I can't lose you too," he said, voice thick with tears that would not stop falling. "I can't."

Scott wrapped his arms around Harry's shaking form and squeezed him tight. "You won't," he said. "We'll find a way. I won't abandon you."


	23. Friends By Your Side

Disclaimer – No money is being made on this.

Author Notes – I know this took forever to get out but it's here now and it has got the be the longest chapter so far so I hope that makes up for it, at least a little.

Thanks again to the wonderful CatishAngel07 for betaing this for me! It's much better thanks to you!

Also thanks to everyone else who's reviewed, put on story alert or on their favourite list!

Edit: Fanfiction Net is still messing with me so sorry for the crappy line breaks.

**Chapter 23 ****–**** Friends By Your Side**

_Depth of friendship does not depend on length of acquaintance._

_- Rabindranath Tagore_

He wanted to scream but for some reason he just could not. It felt like all the muscles in his jaw had deteriorated and at the same time he had lost all feeling in his tongue. It felt too big and out of place in his mouth and made it hard to swallow. No words could be formed around it.

Everyone else was gathered around him, laughing and joking and teasing and acting as if this was just like any other day. Of course, he was not blind. He could see the glances they shot him and the strain in their smiles but they still tried to act like normal as if that would make it easier for him. Any other day he might have felt grateful for their effort but now it only made him want to scream.

The Dursleys were coming.

Any minute now.

Was this what the end of the world felt like?

He dropped his head in to his hands and pretended that he did not notice the short lull in the conversation around him or that he did not feel the burn of all their eyes on him. God, he just wanted time to stop! No future, no past, just this right here. Nothing more. Just to stay right here with his friends. With Scott.

He almost wanted to laugh at that thought but the ache it left behind stopped him. This place really had screwed him over. Before he got here just did not do friends. Friends lied and they hurt and they left and he was better off without that. And then he came here and somehow these people wormed their way past his defences even when he tried to stop them.

And he had a boyfriend.

After Cedric he never thought that would happen but now here he was. Maybe he had never spoken the word out loud and neither had Scott but he knew it was true. Scott was his boyfriend and he never wanted to leave him.

But now he was.

"Harry, man, ya need to snap out of it!"

Sighing, he tiredly lifted his head to stare at Ezra. The other boy was standing before him with his hands on his hips and what Harry guessed was supposed to be a glare on his face. It looked like he tried to seem serious but came of more like a parody of an angry mum. Harry could not quite contain a small twitch of his lip.

"See, that's more like it!" Ezra said and grinned goofily down at him.

"Don't feel so proud of yourself, Freakin'. He probably just found your whole 'angry mother'-imitation funny."

Harry glanced down at Shelby who was sitting a few steps below him on the front steps of their cottage, a little disturbed that they had actually thought the same thing.

"Hey, at least he's smiling!"

"Dunno if you're goin' blind or something, but I wouldn't call that smiling."

"Alright, cut it out you two," Auggie said as he stood of to the side with his arms wrapped around Jules. "Can't you get along for five minutes at least?"

"Nah," Shelby said with a shake of her head. "That's like impossible."

This time Harry's lips formed in to a real smile as he watched Shelby nonchalantly look in another direction as Ezra pouted at her.

"Harry!"

The smile dropped as soon as it had appeared as Harry turned his eyes to look up at Peter waving to him from across the grounds. He sighed again before taking a hold of the railing and pulling himself to his feet, feeling like he suddenly weighed a ton.

"Guess that's it," he said and looked in to Scott's eyes as the other boy stood up beside him and reached out a hand to gently squeeze Harry's shoulder. It was not enough – far from it – but he supposed it would have to do.

"Ya don't think we're letting you go yet, do ya?" Daisy said and smiled when Harry looked over at her. "We've got to walk you to the car like the gentlemen that we are."

"Ladies," Jules corrected with her own smile.

"Ladies don't walk people to their cars," Ezra said.

Shelby stood up and dusted her self off. "So you're staying here then, Freakin'?" she said before taking the lead and heading towards where Peter was waiting, not waiting as Ezra sputtered indignantly and rushed after her.

Harry watched them go for a second before he turned and looked up in to Scott's eyes again. The blonde gave him a warm smile even though his eyes looked sad and gave Harry's arm another squeeze before steering him across the grounds, the rest of their small group following behind them.

It felt like the last walk; the hand on his arm – even if it was meant to be comforting – steering him towards the gallows. He did not feel any better when he reached Peter and the man smiled sadly at him and patted his shoulder before leading the way towards the parking-lot in front of the office building.

It sure as hell did not feel better when he spotted the huge form of his uncle standing in front of his car and glaring at the group walking towards him.

"About bloody time," Vernon yelled as soon as they were close enough. "I haven't got all day."

"Mr. Dursley, I'm sorry we have kept you waiting –" Peter started but Vernon cut him of before he could finish.

"And you should be!" he yelled and Harry watched transfixed as his three chins waddled. "I don't know what kind of business you're running here but you can expect to hear from my lawyer. Good people that we are and not only taking in that ungrateful brat when his parents go and get themselves killed but also doing our best to help him when he goes off his rocker and sending him here. And what kind of thanks do we get? Accusations! That's what!"

"Mr. Dursley, if you would just calm down – "

"I will not bloody calm down!" Vernon yelled and actually stomped his foot in anger.

Harry was, like always, surprised that the ground did not start to shake, but his main focus was on Vernon's face. His uncle was always loud so Harry had learned long ago that his best warning was to watch what colour his face had turned. The more purple he got the angrier he was, and when Vernon was angry it was always safest to be as far away as possible.

"Neglect they said!" Vernon shrieked and a fist came out to gesture wildly in the air. "Neglect! He's got clothes on his back, doesn't he?"

"Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not enough," Ezra said and took half a step back when Vernon swung around to glare at him.

"This isn't any of your business!" he snarled. "Miscreants and delinquents, the lot of you!"

"Now see here – "Peter tried again but was cut of as Shelby walked forward and directed her own glare at Vernon.

"Well at least we're not fatter then a fuckin' whale," she snapped and then gave him a quick look up and down before sneering, "not even all us delinquents standing together."

Harry stared at her wide-eyed and knew that his jaw was somewhere down on the ground. The groan coming from Peter told him that he was not the only one who was shocked, even if he thought Peter might be more exasperated then shocked.

Vernon sputtered in outrage for several seconds, his face turning more and more purple for every second that passed, and Harry knew that they were reaching the breaking point. "I will not stand for this!" he yelled at last and took a threatening step forward.

Before Harry really had a chance to think about what he was doing he had rushed forward and placed himself in front of Shelby. Maybe he did not always get along with the girl – hell, half the time he felt like strangling her – but for some reason he realised that he considered her his friend and you were not supposed to let your uncle kill your friend, right? He swallowed before he forced his face to go blank and he looked up in to the furious eyes of his uncle.

"And you!" Vernon snapped, as if that summed up everything he thought of his nephew and Harry supposed it sort of did.

"Yeah, me." Harry said and forced a smirk on his lips. "Missed me?"

Vernon growled, actually growled, and Harry let his smirk grow bigger.

"I don't know what lies you've been spreading around here but I promise you we're going to have a long talk about it when we get back home."

Harry felt his smirk falter as he stared at his uncle and if he read the glint in Vernon's eyes right he was pretty sure the man knew that he had the upper hand.

"About that," Peter said and stepped forward as Vernon turned his eyes away from Harry to look at him. "I really think it would be in Harry's best interest to stay here. We have taken the first steps towards recovery but there is still a long way to go and I think it would be dangerous to stop the process before it is completed."

Vernon snorted. "Recovery! There's no recovery for freaks like him!"

"Hey, that's your nephew you're talking about!" Auggie said and stepped up by Harry's side. "And he's standing right here."

A warm feeling was spreading in Harry's heart as he looked at the Mexican who was glaring at Vernon like he was the worst thing he had ever laid his eyes upon. A movement in the corner of his eye made him look to his other side to see Scott standing there with his own glare directed at Vernon. With his 6'1, broad shoulders and strong built Scott was quite the sight as he glared down on the man before him.

"And he's one of us now," Scott said, his voice low and deep but with such strength behind it that everyone could hear. "And we stick up for our own."

"Yeah, ya wouldn't want to cross us," Shelby said and leaned against Scott with her arm on his shoulder. "We might just send Daisy and her seven iron after ya."

Daisy gave a cheery wave over Harry's shoulder.

It felt strange, Harry decided. He was so used to being on his own and dealing with everything by himself that he did not know how to respond to this. To have people standing up for him. To fight for him. Was this what having friends felt like? It felt strange but he thought he could get used to it.

When he looked up at Vernon again his uncle did not look quite as sure of himself anymore. In fact, Harry thought, he looked like he had just swallowed something vile and then been told that it was poisonous. It was not a pretty sight but it did make it kind of hard not to laugh at him.

"You're threatening me?" Vernon huffed out after a few moments of spluttering. "Freaks like you should be locked up! A menace to society, that's what you are!" He turned and glared at Peter. "What sort of establishment is this? You can't even keep these kids in check for five minutes. They deserve e good trashing for threatening a fine citizen like me! That would show them to respect their superiors."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Dursley," Peter said in a calm but clipped tone, "but I don't see how you could be called their superior."

Vernon huffed again. "It's a good thing we're pulling the boy out then because you're clearly all mental here." He swept his eyes over all the others, resting a moment longer on Scott, before he turned towards Harry with a sneer. "We're leaving," Vernon announced. "Now!" He turned to the car and the car-door slammed shut behind him a second later.

Harry sighed and ran a hand through his hair. A second later he was more then surprised to suddenly find himself with his arms full of a girl.

"Be safe, ok?" Jules said from somewhere in the croak of his neck and hugged him even tighter. "We'll miss you." She stepped back a second later and smiled at him even as tears welled up in her eyes. He was more then happy to look away from her as Auggie stepped up and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Don't take any shit, man," he said with a serious face. "Never give up."

"And have some fun for us," Ezra said with a smile. "A couple of beers should do it. Maybe you can tweak it up a bit more."

"Ezra," Peter said in warning but the boy just winked at Harry.

Daisy came up and hugged him. "You're strong, Harry," she said. "Stronger then you think. And if that's not enough I'll have my golf-club ready." That startled a laugh out of him and he felt her smile against his neck before she let him go.

Shelby was glaring down at the ground but Daisy gave her a push in his direction. She stumbled but as soon as she had righted herself she looked up at him with a frown. "This doesn't mean that I like ya," she said. "Just, you know, I'm looking out for Scotty."

Harry snorted at the nickname and a small smile played over her lips for a second before she wiped it of again.

"So, yeah, call if we need to mess up some relatives." She did not even spare Peter a look as he snapped at her. "I think I might even enjoy it."

Harry smiled at her before a hand on his shoulder made him turn and look up in to Scott's blue eyes. There were so many emotions swirling around inside them and for a second he dared to wish that he could stay here forever just to try and figure out what they all meant.

That thought made him pause. To stay here with Scott forever. It felt right in a way nothing else had ever done and even if that should be a shocking revelation to him he did not feel surprised. He guessed that was a testament of how long he had come during the short time he had stayed here. How long he had come thanks to others. Thanks to Scott.

It was a good revelation but it made it all the more bittersweet to be forced back home to the Dursleys.

Scott's hand tightened on his shoulder and Harry let his focus return to the blondes clear blue eyes.

"You're not leaving me," Scott whispered and Harry smiled at him.

"I know."

"I'm not abandoning you."

Harry reached up to put his own hand over Scott's. "I know."

They stared at each other for several long moments and Harry wished there was some way he could make the sadness in the blondes eyes go away. He wished he could spend the rest of his life making sure those blue eyes always shone with happiness.

"I'll figure this out," Scott said firmly.

Harry's throat felt dry and scratchy as he replied, "I know."

He turned away as Vernon grew impatient and honked the horn, fearing that if he stayed one more second with Scott then his resolve would crumble, but he was forced to stop as Peter stepped up and put his hands on Harry's shoulders.

"You need anything, you call me, ok?" he said, his face serious. "Anything."

Harry stared at him for a long moment before nodding his head once. It looked like Peter wanted to say something else but in the end he nodded too and stepped back.

Opening the door to the back seat Harry paused for a second before turning back to stare at Peter.

"Thank you."

It was only two small words and somehow they did not seem enough but it was all he had. Peter nodded again, his lips set in a firm line, and Harry tried to give them all a reassuring smile before he got in to the car. He was pretty sure it came out as anything but reassuring.

The echo of the car-door slamming closed behind him rang in his ears as the motor started with a roar and the car started to drive away down the road. Vernon's angry muttering in the front-seat faded away in the background as Harry felt his pulse start to quicken. The trees loomed high before them, casting long shadows on the small dirt-road swirling its way between them, and it gave him an ominous feeling to drive away from the sun shining over Horizon and in to the thick forest.

Suddenly feeling afraid of what was in store for him in the near future he turned around in his seat to stare out of the cars back-window. The last thing he saw before the road disappeared in to the forest was Scott's sad blue eyes.

- line break -

"This doesn't feel right."

As the car disappeared among the trees Peter turned to look over at Jules. She had her arm wrapped around Auggie's waist while the boy had his own slung around her shoulders, hugging her close to him. No matter what the students thought he was not blind and he was not stupid and he knew that those two had been a couple for awhile now. He also knew that they were good for each other and stronger together then apart.

Turning towards Scott he felt a sudden ache in his heart. The boy had not had an easy life, none of them had, but there had always been something special about Scott. Since the first time he had laid his eyes on him he had felt a special bond towards the tall blonde boy, a bond he had never felt before that and only once since. With Harry.

It had pleased him when the two boys had become friends but he had soon started to suspicion that there was more to it then that. There had been times when he thought he might be forced to end it, when the boys' feelings seemed to hurt them more thanthey helped, but then things had changed. He did not know what had happened but suddenly they were inseparable and he was forced to realise that perhaps they were both exactly what the other needed.

And now one of them had been forced to return to a questionable home and the other had been left behind to worry.

Peter cared about all the kids here, if he did not he would not have been fit for this job, and he could not stand the thought that they might be hurt in any way. He only had suspicions and no proof about what went on at the Dursley's residence so he could not go to the police. But maybe, in this case, there was another option.

"Hey, where ya going?" Ezra called after him as he rushed towards his office, suddenly feeling like he did not have a second to lose.

"To make a call," he called back over his shoulder.

A call to England.


	24. Home Sweet Home

Disclaimer – No money or profit is being made on this.

Author Notes – Sorry for the long wait! Life got in the way in the form of no internet while I was away working but the good news is that I almost have the next chapter finished too. If you're all really nice I might even update it before I leave again in a week.

I've made a short trailer for this fic too. It's on YouTube but a link can be found on my profile.

Thank you to CatishAngel07 for helping me beta!

**Chapter 24 – Home Sweet Home**

_I don't want to turn off the light_

_hope someone hears me tonight._

_Hold me, tell me everything's ok._

_Show me there's a way to beat the monster_

_save me, make it go away._

_Itchy Daze – Monster_

He really did not want to get out of the car.

The house that stood before him should not feel that intimidating to most people – unless you were really afraid of white picket-fences, perfectly mowed lawns, well groomed bushes and freshly painted two-story buildings – but to Harry it could just as well have been a fiery pit going straight down to hell. It was the house he had spent more years in then he wished to remember and no matter how normal it looked from the outside he knew what waited behind the closed door.

A shudder ran through him just as uncle Vernon got sick of his lingering and banged his meaty fist against the car window.

"Boy! Hurry up!"

With a sigh Harry slowly opened the door and heaved himself out of the car. It felt like he weighed a ton and getting out was the hardest thing he had ever done but a moment later he stood there – trying to look proud and strong but knowing that his shoulders were hunching – and stared in to the house that he never wanted to enter again.

"Don't just stand there!" Vernon called again as he rounded a corner and disappeared inside the kitchen. "And close the door behind you!"

Harry closed his eyes for a second, wished with everything that he had that he was anywhere but here, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Home sweet home," he whispered before he took a step over the threshold and closed the door behind him.

- line break -

"It feels kinda empty, don't it?"

Scott only hummed in agreement and continued picking at his food. It was chicken-salad for dinner today – even though he was not so sure if this could be classified as chicken – and not even drowning it in dressing had made it look appetizing. It just looked sort of sad.

"Not that Harry's a big talker or anything but no-one could fill a room with silence like he did," Ezra continued and waved his hand in some vague gesture that was probably meant to include the whole room. "The silence won't be the same without him."

A snort from Scott's left made him glance over at Shelby who was picking at her own food with a disgusted face.

"You're acting like a love-sick puppy, Freakin," she said and pushed her plate away with a sneer before she looked up at Ezra. "People might think you're the one doing the nasty with Harry instead of Scott."

"Don't be so crude, Shelby!" Jules snapped from Scott's other side. "Just admit that you're missing Harry just as much as the rest of us."

Shelby laughed at that but Scott thought it sounded kind of forced.

"Miss him?" she laughed. "Why the fuck would I miss that moody little shit?"

"Give it a rest, Shelby," Auggie said tiredly and rubbed a hand over his face. "We don't care."

Her laugh died out and she glared at Auggie for several long moments and just when Scott thought she might actually attack him she turned away with a huff. "I still don't miss him."

There were silence for several minutes after that as everyone kept picking at their food, Ezra being the only one who actually seemed to eat something, before Jules pushed away her plate with a sigh.

"This doesn't feel right," she said and leaned in to Auggie's side when he put his arm around her.

"Well, it isn't," Scott said and pushed his own plate away. "It's fuckin' unfair."

Ezra raised his glass in salute. "Hear, hear!" he said before he took a sip.

"There must be something we can do?" Jules said and looked around at everyone. "Right?"

"I think Peter had a plan," Daisy said as she spoke up for the first time. She looked like she was deep in thought and had looked like that since Harry left a couple of hours ago. Scott hoped it was a good sign.

"Yeah, who'd you think he called?" Ezra asked and leaned forward over the table. "The cops? Child services?"

"Hell no!" Shelby sneered. "Those shits wouldn't do anything."

"Maybe this might turn out to be something good."

There was only silence after that as everyone stared at Daisy like she had finally gone totally insane. Even Shelby looked shocked. But after a few moments the surprise started to fade and Scott could feel anger starting to well up inside him.

"Something good?" he hissed and leaned forward over the table. "What the fuck kinda good could come out of this shit? Didn't ya see him? He looked fuckin' terrified when he left so how could something good come out of it?"

Daisy still looked calm as she met his glare straight on and it only infuriated him more. This was Harry she was talking about and he deserved so much better then this.

"I'm not saying his relatives are good for him but sometimes people need a kick to head in the right direction," she said. "And now Peter's got a kick and Harry's got a kick and maybe the kick won't end there."

Everyone was silent again after that and Scott found it pretty disturbing to see Daisy look as smug as she did right now. He had given up trying to understand how her mind worked almost as soon as he had met her but he did know that when she looked like this it was probably time to get scared.

"Daisy," Shelby said and stared at the other girl with wide eyes. "What the fuck are ya talking about?"

- line break -

"Damn ungrateful, that's what he is!"

Harry did his best to tune out his uncles voice but Vernon got louder for every minute that passed and if he kept this up then soon the neighbors would be able to hear. Vernon had been yelling almost non-stop for an hour now while Petunia nodded along and sneered at Harry every couple of minutes. Dudley on the other hand looked like Christmas had come early and was practically bouncing in his seat with excitement. He had always loved it when Harry got in trouble.

Turned out his relatives did not take too kindly to lawyers calling them and talking about neglect and possible abuse. Who would have guessed? So now they were royally pissed of and were it not just perfect to have Harry back here so that they could blame it all on him?

Life sucked and sometimes it sucked hard.

"Accusations!" Vernon yelled and slammed his fist in to the table. "You dare accuse us when we have put up with your freakiness for all these years!"

"But I haven't," Harry tried to protest even if he knew that is was pointless. "I haven't said a thing and it's not my fault that they draw their own conclusions."

And really, it was not. He had not told Peter or Sirius what went on in the Dursleys house except for some vague hints in a fit of rage and you could not really blame him for that. So if they suspected anything because he did not have the best of clothes or because he was a bit on the thin side then it really was not his fault.

"Like we could trust a filthy little liar like you!" Vernon sneered. "You've been nothing but trouble since the day that they dumped you on us and kind, respectable people that we are we have tried our best to raise you but you really were a lost cause from the start. With parents like that it shouldn't be a surprise."

For a second all Harry could see was red. He had always been good at handling their insults and pretending that they did not get to him but his parents had always been a sore spot. He remembered little of them now – his nightmares having twisted their memories in to nothing but pain and blood – but he knew, felt deep inside his heart, that they did not deserve to be belittled by the likes of the Dursleys.

"Don't talk about them like that," he hissed, his voice low and dark as he glared up at Vernon through his bangs but apparently his uncle did not take him seriously as he took a step towards Harry and glared down at him.

"What did you say?"

Raising his chin and meeting Vernon's glare head on Harry bared his teeth as he spoke. "I said, don't you _fucking_ talk about them like that."

There was a moment's pause in the room – a fraction of a second when the world seemed to stop and nobody dared to move – and then Petunia gasped, Dudley's jaw practically hit the floor and Vernon's face turned an alarming shade of purple.

"You dare!" he snarled and pulled himself up to really tower over Harry. "You dare threaten me!"

Harry tried to pretend that he did not feel his heart beat a million times per second or that his hands was not shaking so bad that he had to clench them in to fists to keep them in control. He never, not even for a second, broke eye contact with his uncle as he forced a smirk on his lips and raised his eyebrow. "Yeah, I dare."

The blow should not have come as a surprise but it did and Harry was on the floor before he even registered what had happened. He lifted his hand to tentatively touch his jaw and was relieved when it hurt but did not feel broken or dislocated. There would probably be a mark too but he did not care about that.

Vernon was not usually violent. Of course, it happened now and again but he preferred to hurt with words and actions instead of physical pain. Harry had always suspected that it had a lot to do with it being too noticeable but he had tried not to think about it too much. That Vernon had hit him now was a testimony of how far he had been pushed.

Dudley's laugh broke him out of his own thoughts and he lifted his eyes to stare up at his uncle. Vernon was heaving with every breath that he took and his fists were clenched tightly by his side. The rage in his eyes had not dwindled after the punch and Harry had the growing suspicion that it meant that it would not be the last.

Suddenly tasting iron Harry reached up a hand to wipe at his mouth and was not surprised when it came away bloody.

"You know," he said calmly and spit out a mouthful of blood on the floor, taking great satisfaction in the way aunt Petunia's lip curled in distaste. "I'll make you regret that."

When he looked up at Vernon again he could see the first sign of uncertainty in his eyes as the big man seemed to calm down a bit and realize what he had just done. Vernon did not use violence often and he never used it to the face.

"What, a little faggot like you?" Dudley suddenly laughed and Harry swirled his head around to stare up at him. "Yeah, I know all about that. Know all about your _boyfriend_ too," he said with a sneer.

Harry turned wide eyes back to Vernon and saw just as the last traces of surprise melted away in to disgust. He had no doubt about what Vernon and the rest of the family thought about homosexuality as he had heard it plenty of times growing up. He had also heard what Vernon thought you should do with anyone even daring to look at someone of the same gender.

"Thank god he got himself offed," Dudley continued and Harry turned back to look at him. "One less fag in the world."

It took a moment for the words to register but when they did he exploded. With an animalistic cry he launched himself of the floor with every intention of beating the living shit out of Dudley but a strong hand on his upper arm stopped him mid-leap and the force made him spin around so he came face to face with his uncles purple face.

"You sick little freak!" Vernon yelled in his face and Harry was forced to close is eyes because of the spit that accompanied the words. "We took you in to our home and this is how you repay us?"

"Get off of me!" Harry yelled back and tugged at his arm but Vernon only tightened his grip until Harry could feel the bones rubbing together.

"And now you threaten me and you try to attack our Dudley!" Vernon continued. "You should have died with your parents you freak!"

"I said get off!" Harry yelled again and lashed out with all he had. He managed to strike Vernon in the side causing his uncle to let go of him, even if it was probably more out of surprise then anything else, but the momentum forced Harry of balance and he fell to the side, crashing against the kitchen-table before he managed to break the fall with his arms.

He lay there on the floor for a moment, trying to get air passed his abused ribs, and he could hear aunt Petunia scream from what sounded like far away. He shook his head once to clear it and just as the sounds came back in full force Vernon was on him again and he was pulled to his feet with an anguished cry.

"That's it!" Vernon yelled. "I've had enough of you!"

He half carried, half dragged Harry after him as he left the kitchen and Harry tried as best as he could to get his feet back under him. When the door to the cupboard under the stairs became visible and he realized that was where Vernon was heading he started fighting even harder and pulled with all his might against his uncles tight grip.

"No, no don't!" he yelled, his eyes suddenly wide and terrified and he no longer cared about dignity or standing up against his uncle. "Don't lock me in there! Please, I'm sorry! No!"

"Nothing less then you deserve," Vernon hissed at him and banged the door open to expose the small dark cupboard behind it. "I should make you stay in there forever!"

"Don't!" Harry cried. "Please, uncle Vernon, don't!"

With a grunt Vernon pushed Harry inside and he fell down on the dirty floor with a yell of surprise and pain. Before he managed to get up on his knees – the low ceiling not allowing him to stand – Vernon had banged the door closed and the sound of a lock being turned could be heard.

In the dark Harry reached towards the small sliver of light that sipped in by the door and banged his fists against it. "Let me out!" he screamed. "Let me out!"

When the only response he got was Dudley's laugh and the sound of Vernon and Petunia talking in the kitchen he fell back to lean against the wall behind him. The shadows seemed to creep closer around him and he pulled his legs up tightly against his chest and wrapped his arm around them while the other franticly started to scratch at it.

He tried to think about Scott and Horizon and his friends but soon all he could see was darkness and flashes of blood and pain and an evil laugh that crept out of the shadows.

"Home sweet home," he whispered as his nails left bloody trails along his arm.


	25. Of Fears And Pain

Disclaimer – No money is being made on this.

Author Notes – Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Hope you'll enjoy this chapter too and when I get back in a week my inbox will be full of review alerts!

For those who haven't seen it links to both a banner and a trailer for this fic can be found on my profile.

Thank you to CatishAngel07 for helping me beta!

**Chapter 25 – Of Fears And Pain**

_Always said her life was never meant to be_

_Stuck here living someone else's dream_

_Well beyond your window there is so much more_

_Even every prison has an open door_

_Saint Veronica – Billy Talent_

Harry did not like small spaces. He could handle the dark, could quite often even find comfort in it, but when the space got too small he freaked.

The cupboard under the stairs had been his bedroom for many years until aunt Petunia had been forced to admit that he was too big for it and needed another place to sleep. He had been more thankful then he had ever been in his life.

He had hated the cupboard from the start even if it had not scared him like it did later. When his parents had been alive he had had his own room – not an extremely big one but certainly bigger then a cupboard – and he had not understood why he was forced to live in such a small space. But his aunt and uncle had insisted that it was the only room they had so he had been forced to take it.

But as the years passed on he got bigger and bigger, while the walls stayed the same and even if he knew that it was not true he started to think that it was the walls crawling closer and not him that was growing bigger. It was an insane thought but once he had had it he could not let it go and with time he thought he could almost see them closing in on him while he sat there pressed up in to the corner.

When he had been allowed to take over Dudley's second bedroom he thought that he had finally seen the last of the cupboard but he soon realized that was only wishful thinking. He had shown weakness in front of his uncle, allowed him to see how afraid that small space made him, and Vernon was quick to take advantage of that. So when Harry was to be punished he was more often then not thrown in to the cupboard, the door locked behind him and sometimes he was forced to stay there for days and only allowed out to use the restroom.

He never told anyone else about his fear and he did his best to hide it from everyone. His uncle had used it against him and he would never let anyone else do that.

Sitting there now with his back pressed up against the wall and arms wrapped tightly around his legs he wondered for how long he would be forced to stay here this time. He wondered when they would allow him to get something to eat. He wondered if Vernon realized that this was the abuse he so vehemently denied.

And he wondered what they were doing at Horizon. What his friends did just at this moment and if they missed him. He wondered if Scott missed him.

He wondered if the laugh he heard was real or if it was only in his head. He wondered if the walls really had moved closer or if it was only his imagination and he wondered if he could scratch his arm hard enough to make the dull ache in his chest go away.

He wondered how he was supposed to handle all of this again.

- line break -

The sound of footsteps outside the door was what first caught his attention and when the lock clicked open a second later he was on his knees in a heartbeat and staring wide-eyed at the door. It opened slowly and he was forced to close his eyes against the sudden light that filtered in from the hallway but when he squinted them open again he saw the face of his aunt peering in at him.

Petunias face looked strange. Or maybe not so much her face but the expression on it. Harry could not quite place it but it almost looked like regret. That was something he had never seen on her face before.

A moment later the look was wiped off and her eyes hardened as she glared at him.

"Well, don't just sit there!" she snapped. "Dinner won't cook itself." And with that she turned on her heel and disappeared up the stairs.

Harry stared at the open doorway for a long moment, his mind slow to process what had happened, before he quickly scrambled out and got up on his feet as soon as he was out the door. His legs shook from having been forced to stay bent for so long and he placed a steadying hand on the wall while he got them back under control. Once the shaking had subsided enough he took a deep breath and made his way slowly towards the kitchen.

He hated this. Hated his 'family' and the way they treated him and most of all he hated the way he put up with it. Sure, he had tried to stand up to his uncle but what good had that done? And when the threat of the cupboard had revealed itself he had backed down immediately like some scared little prick and begged, actually _begged_, for forgiveness. It was humiliating and his only relief was that only the Dursleys had seen that side of him.

He wondered what Scott would have said if he had seen Harry like that. He would probably not have wanted anything more to do with him. And why would he? Scott was big and strong and did not take shit from anyone, he was a born leader, so why would he want anything to do with a scared little freak like Harry?

There was a pang in his heart at that thought and he had to place a steadying hand against the fridge while he took in a deep, calming breath. Scott was not like that, he told himself. The blonde was compassionate, sweet, protecting and he would not turn Harry away just like that. Scott liked him. He knew that he did.

A small smile crossed his lips and if it felt a bit forced then he ignored it.

Taking out what he needed from the fridge he got started on dinner. It was best to keep occupied and give himself less time to think about things. Focus on cooking and push all other thoughts aside.

He had been cooking for the Dursleys for many years now – almost since he got here – and it was something he was good at and usually enjoyed. It had a very calming effect and unlike all the others chores he was forced to do this was not very physically draining. The only downside was, of course, to cook when he did not get to eat but he tried to push that possibility out of his head as he prepared the food.

"Aren't you done yet?"

Harry cast a quick look over his shoulder to see Dudley standing in the doorway with a sneer on his face.

"No," he answered shortly and turned back to the food. He was chopping vegetables now, pretty sure that Dudley and Vernon would not eat any of it but he knew that Petunia wanted salad to her meals.

"Hurry up then!" Dudley snapped and waddled further in to the kitchen. "I'm hungry!"

"You're always hungry," Harry snapped back.

"What did you say?"

"I said you're always bloody hungry," Harry repeated and turned to glare at his cousin. "Now shut up if you want me to finish this!"

He swung back around to continue with the food, enjoying the few short moments of stunned silence, before he felt Dudley grab his arm and swing him around. As Harry watched Dudley's face slowly turn more and more purple he realized, for the first time, how much alike Dudley and Vernon really were.

"You don't get to talk to me like that!" Dudley yelled in Harry's face. "I'll tell dad, you fucking faggot!"

The threat was a valid one. It had been many years since Harry had been truly scared of Dudley, since he realized how pathetic his cousin really was and he started to fight back. Sure, Dudley was bigger and stronger but Harry was faster and had a wicked temper and when cornered he was not afraid to fight back and to fight dirty. Dudley knew that and mostly kept his distance, acting like his father and trying to use words to hurt Harry instead but he would never master that like his father and because of that they both realized that Harry would never fear him. But his father? Vernon? Yeah, he could make Harry scared shitless.

"Have to let your daddy fight for you?" Harry sneered as he put on a brave front. "Too chicken to finish your own fights?"

"Your one to talk!" Dudley said. "A little queer like you."

Harry smirked. "You see me backing down?"

Dudley stared at him a second, sizing him up, and for a moment Harry felt like a burger about to be ripped in to but he shook the feeling off and met his cousins stare right on. Slowly something like hesitation seemed to filter in to Dudley's eyes and Harry felt his smirk get bigger at the small victory.

"Didn't think so," he said and turned back to chopping the vegetables.

A shooting pain in his side made him double over, all the wind knocked out of him and he coughed as he tried to get it back.

"You little freak!" Dudley screamed and Harry looked up just as another fist came flying and hit him in the stomach. He would have yelped in pain if he had had enough breath to do it with. "You should have died just like your filthy boyfriend!"

Dudley aimed again but in a split second Harry got hold of the kitchen-knife and raised it up in front of him. Dudley stopped, his eyes wide as he stared at the knife, and Harry managed to take a few deep breaths and pull himself up enough to glare in to his cousins eyes.

"One more step, Dudders," he hissed, "and I'll fucking gut you open."

They both stood frozen for several moments, Harry taking deep breaths all the while, before Dudley slowly backed up a step. When he saw that Harry did not move he quickly backed up several more before he stopped in the doorway. Then, finally, he took his eyes of the knife and looked up at Harry.

"You won't get away with this," he said. "Dad will kill you."

Harry sneered. "Let him try."

Dudley stared at him a second longer before he turned around and fled the room, the house shaking as he ran up the stairs.

Finally Harry relaxed as the adrenaline slowly started to leave his systems and he sank down on the floor as his shaking legs no longer could hold him up.

This was it. He had finally crossed the line and he had no doubts about how his uncle would respond to this. It was all over.

He stared down in to his lap at the knife that he still gripped so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. There was one way out of this that he could control. He had done it before, had mastered the pain and made it something that was his, so why not take it one step further? Why let his uncle decide? Why let Vernon inflict pain on him that Harry had not approved?

He slowly rolled up the arm of his shirt and stared down at all the scars criss-crossing each other. He had done this. This was his. No-one else.

It felt like he was moving in slow motion as he put the knife against his arm, pushed down and slowly dragged it across the skin. As he removed the knife again there was a small cut left in its place and after a second red blood started to gather up in it and then slowly it overflowed.

He put the knife against his skin again, repeated the process and watched in fascination as more blood welled up from inside him.

"_I'm not abandoning you"_

Harry closed his eyes for a second as the words echoed in his head and he could picture Scott standing in front of him. But he had to do this. This pain was his.

"_You're not leaving me"_

A sob broke through and his hand shook as he pressed the knife against his arm again. He did not want to leave Scott. He did not. But he had to.

He pressed the knife down harder, gritted his teeth against the sting and let out a deep breath as more blood flowed from the wound.

And then he stopped.

He looked up at the window, watched the clouds sail over the sky and a few birds fly pass, and the knife dropped from his trembling fingers. There was another way. If he was fast enough.

He turned his eyes towards the doorway and tried to hear if there was any movement in the house. After a long moment of hearing nothing but small noises drifting in from outside he took a deep breath and pushed himself of the floor. His legs shook and he did not know if it was because of the adrenaline pumping through him or the pool of blood that had leaked out of him and gathered on the floor.

Another heartbeat and he took a slow step forward. When he still did not hear any noise he took another one and a small smile spread over his lips.

"I'm not leaving you," he said, his eyes focused on the doorway. "I'm figuring it out."


	26. Last Strenght

Disclaimer – Don't own so don't sue!

Author Notes – I could write a whole page with excuses but lets keep it short; I got a new job in a new city and moved before I even had a real place to live which meant I had to stay at my new boss house until I finally got an apartment a little over a week ago which I have now (mostly) moved in to. Yes, I think that sums it up. Life's hectic to say the least!

But I'm still sorry that it took me this long to update and I also apologise to all those reviewers that I didn't respond too. I still loved them and thank you all so much for taking the time to review.

Also, thank you to CatishAngel07 for taking the time to beta this and for doing it so fast!

**Chapter 26 ****–**** Last Strength**

_Once you've seen the truth, you'll want the answers._

_- X-Files_

The door banged against the wall as Scott slammed it open and he took a little satisfaction in seeing Peter jump in his chair.

Scott was not known for his calm temper and when he got mad or scared or frustrated he liked to take it out on what ever was in his reach. If that something happened to be a door then fine, if it was a glass he could throw then even better and if it was the face of some little punk that needed a good trashing then he would not object either.

"Whataya doing?" he snapped as he came to a stop in front of Peter's desk.

Peter gave him a calculating look before he slowly sat back in his chair. "I _was_ going over the schedules for the next semester."

Scott sneered and waved a hand around dismissively. "No, not that!" he snapped. "I mean, whataya doin' about Harry?"

It had been a week now. A whole week since Harry had left Horizon and Scott had not heard a single word since then. He did not want to admit it out loud but it scared him. Harry had been terrified to leave, scared of what would happen to him back at that house, and that made Scott just as scared if not more so.

"You know my hands are tied when the circumstances are like what they are –"

"Fuck that!" Scott yelled and kicked at the table to emphasize his anger. "He's not safe there! Those relatives of his aren't good to him and the longer he stays there the worse it's gonna get." He glared down at Peter who looked just as calm as before. "And you're just sittin' here! He needs some fuckin' help and you're just sittin' here doin' nothing! You always say you wanna help but when one us really needs it you just roll your thumbs and look the other way!"

He grabbed the nearest chair and threw it across the room where it smashed against the wall and several picture frames fell to the floor with it. Scott stared at them and felt the anger slowly leaving him only to be replaced by a big hole of nothing. He felt empty, drained, because he was running out of options. He had promised Harry that he would figure this out, that he would get him back here safe and sound, but what could he really do? He was just a kid. What was a kid, not even of age yet, supposed to do to fix something as messed up as this?

He felt his legs grow weak and he slowly sunk down on the one chair that was still standing. Resting his elbows on his knees, he bent his head down and fisted his hands in his short hair, pulling on it so hard that it hurt.

"You were supposed to help him," he said and was not sure if his words were really directed at Peter anymore. "To save him."

There was silence in the room for several long moments and Scott just did not have the strength left in him to move. He was running on his reserves and they were only enough for the essentials.

"If you would have let me finish," Peter begun slowly and there was a strange note in his tone that finally gave Scott the strength to look up at him.

A small smile was tugging on Peter lips and it was reflected in his eyes but there was something else there too. Some calculating look that seemed to see right through Scott and to find an answer to a question he did not know had been asked. It made him a bit uneasy but he met Peter's look straight on anyway. He had never been one to back down.

"My hands are tied and I have no jurisdiction in this case," he continued and held up a hand to silence Scott when he opened his mouth to protest, "but I know someone who does."

Peter's smile grew as Scott's eyes widened. The blonde was not stupid, far from it, and even if his temper sometimes outran his brain he only needed a second to put the pieces together.

"His godfather," he said. "Sirius."

"Yes," Peter said with a nod. "I gave him a call as soon as Harry left with his relatives. He was already back in England to get the paperwork's sorted out so it's hopefully only a matter of time before it's done."

Scott's brain felt like it was working in slow-motion now as he tried to understand all the implications of what was happening so it took him a minute to form his next question. "Paperwork?"

Peter's smile slipped for a second and when it returned Scott thought it looked more hesitant. "Yes," he said slowly. "Sirius is trying to adopt Harry. He is his godfather after all and supposedly the one stated to take care of Harry in his parents will."

Scott stared at him, his mind slowly trying to wrap itself around the implications of that statement.

"So he'll get to leave his relatives?"

Peter nodded slowly. "That is the idea."

Scott turned his eyes away and stared down at the floor. A small frown worked its way over his face before he asked his next question.

"And he'll live with his godfather instead?"

It took several long moments before Peter answered and Scott did not dare look up and meet the man's eyes.

"Yes, Sirius wants Harry to move in with him as soon as possible."

The big hole inside Scott's chest that had slowly started to fill itself back up with hope seemed to drain out again.

"He's not coming back." It was a statement now. Not a question. No need for it.

He heard Peter sigh but he still could not look up at the man.

"No, most likely not."

Scott did not know what to feel anymore. He wanted to be happy that things were working themselves out for Harry, that maybe he could finally get a normal, happy life; but at the same time he was selfish enough to hate it. He wanted Harry here with him. He wanted to have him close enough to touch. Who knew where Sirius lived and where he would take Harry, it could be on the other side of the country and how were they supposed to meet each other then?

His thoughts came to a halt. His heart-beat speed up as he finally looked up and met Peter's eyes.

"They're from England," he said, eyes wide as the realization struck. "Sirius will bring him back to England."

He could see in Peter's eyes that the other man already knew this and he felt a small pang of betrayal well up inside him.

"I'm sorry, Scott," Peter said and leaned forward in his chair. "I know that you and Harry became close during his time here but you have to realize that this is the best for him."

Close. The word did not feel like enough. It felt like an insult.

So maybe Harry had not been here that long and maybe Scott was not usually the kind of guy that just opened up to new people but there was just something about Harry. He could not really place it and somehow it felt wrong to try. Harry was just Harry and that was enough of an explanation. He did not need to look deeper to find details because it was everything that Harry was and everyway that he touched the people around him. The raven-haired never seemed to realize it, and that too was part of what made him Harry, but people were drawn to him whether he liked it or not.

"I know," Scott said at last, the words only a whisper as he felt exhaustion take over. "I know it's for the best. He deserves it."

"Scott –" Peter started but the blonde just shook his head and pulled himself up and out of the chair.

"It's fine," he said. "I'm fine."

Just as he turned around Steve came running in through the door, his eyes wide as he cast a quick look at Scott before he turned to Peter.

"What is it?" Peter asked and Scott could hear him rise up behind him.

Steve cast another quick look at Scott who shook his head and started for the door. He did not care what kind of drama was going on. He was too tired. But before he reached the door Steve's words made him stop dead in his tracks and spin around so fast he almost lost his balance.

"It's about Harry Potter."

Peter cast a quick look over at Scott and the blonde glared back. He would not leave. Not now.

"What about him?" Peter said at last and looked back at Steve.

"He's gone," Steve said and Scott had to take a hold of the doorframe because the world suddenly seemed to sway. "He's run away."

"What?" Peter cried. "When?"

"Yesterday," Steve said. "Mr. Black had finally got the papers together and his attorney had gone there with the police to get Harry and to evaluate how his relatives had treated him. But he was not there. His aunt said that he had run away yesterday after threatening to kill her son with a kitchen-knife."

"Harry would not do that!" Scott yelled and took a step further in to the room and glared at both men when they turned to look at him. "Not without a reason!"

"Scott, calm down!" Peter said and turned back towards Steve. "Did they search the house? Are they sure he was really gone?"

Steve rubbed a hand over his shaved head and stared down at the floor. "Yeah, they searched it," he said and shook his head slowly. "No sign of Harry but they found his 'bedroom'," he hissed and looked up at Peter again. "It was a cupboard. A fucking cupboard under the stairs."

There was silence again after that as the words sunk in but it was broken a moment later as Scott turned around with a cry and slammed his fist in to the wall. "Fuck!" he screamed and hit the wall again. "Fuck!"

"Scott!" Peter yelled as Steve tried to reach out for him but he quickly sidestepped and back away from him.

"No!" Scott said and glared at them. "I should have known! I should have fuckin' known!" he cried. "He told me! Harry told me they used to make him sleep in a cupboard, I should've known they'd pull a stunt like that again now when they're pissed at him."

"You knew about this?" Peter asked slowly and when Scott only nodded he asked, "For how long?"

Scott did not know if Peter wanted to know when Scott had found out about it or for how long Harry had slept in there so he shook his head slowly and answered both. "I found out when he knew he was goin' back there. Said he'd slept there until he was thirteen."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I dunno," Scott said and leaned back against the wall. "He said it was over. And I didn't wanna break his confidence."

Peter sighed and sat back down on his chair. Steve gave Scott a long look before he shook his head sadly and turned back towards Peter.

"That's not all," he said and when they both looked up at him he sighed. "They found blood in the cupboard."

"No," Scott breathed out at the same time as Peter said "Damn it!" and under normal circumstances he would have found it funny to hear the older man swear but now he could not see the humor in it.

Harry had been better. Sure, Scott still caught him scratching at his arms from time to time but it mostly seemed like an involuntary action as if he was not really aware of it himself. But going back to that house, Scott had known it was likely to pick up again.

Of course there was the chance that Harry had not done it himself but Scott did not like that thought any more then the other and preferred not to think about it.

"We need to find him," Scott said and looked up to meet Peter's eyes. "We need to find him now."

"I know," Peter said. "We will do everything we can."


	27. A Lonely Road

Disclaimer – Don't own them so don't sue!

Author Notes – Yes, yes, I know I'm all kinds of horrible for taking so long but I won't bore you with excuses! But I will give a quick warning that this is probably the most disturbing chapter of this fic but I hope you will enjoy it either way.

**Chapter 27 – A lonely Road**

_There's no higher power, there's no God. There's just chaos and violence, random unpredictable evil, that comes outta nowhere, rips you to shreds._

– _Dean Winchester, Supernatural_

His legs felt heavy as Harry stumbled down the road tripping every few feet because he just did not have the strength to lift his feet off of the ground. He was not really sure how long he had been walking, how much time had passed since he had run away, but it had been more then a day at least. Day had turned in to night, night had turned in to day and now the sun was once again disappearing beneath the horizon and casting the world in to shadow.

His body wanted to stop. It had wanted to stop for a long while now but he did not dare stop for more then a few minutes at a time because he was afraid that he would fall asleep and he did not think that was such a good idea at the moment.

He had left in a hurry, afraid that Vernon would come home any minute and then he would have been finished, so he had not taken anything with him and he had moved as fast as he could for as long as he could and it was only after his vision had started to blur that he realised his cuts were still bleeding. It had been a foolish mistake to not fix them sooner and he had actually felt scared when he realised how much blood he most have lost. The cuts were deeper then he normally made them and he knew that they would only bleed more the faster his heart beat and at that moment it had been beating a mile a minute.

So he had ripped apart his t-shirt, for once thankful for Dudley's big cast-offs, and he had bandaged the wound as good as he could. He had known that it was far from perfect but had hoped that it would last long enough.

But that had been yesterday and the wounds had long since bled through the fabric.

Harry sighed as he looked down the road. It had been hours since he passed the last town and he had been forced to leave in a hurry, apparently shopkeepers did not like kids stealing from them, so for the last hours the only thing he had seen were the long road ahead of him and tree after fucking tree. Occasionally a car would drive past too but he always jumped in to the woods so as to not be seen. He did not think anyone was looking for him – as if the Dursleys would tell anyone that he had run away – but he did not dare take the chance of being picked up by the police. They would send him back and he could not allow that.

But the road seemed never ending and he knew that he had lost a lot more blood then what was good for him and he started to fear that he would not be able to make it to Horizon in time.

His vision suddenly blurred again and he felt the world tip sideways as dizziness overtook him. He reached a hand out blindly and when his fingers touched a tree he gratefully leaned against it with his head bent down while he tried to get his body back under control.

He felt sick. He had not eaten in what felt like forever and he knew that there was nothing left in his stomach but he still felt like he could vomit any second. He wrapped an arm around his middle as his stomach cramped and he dried heaved as tears spilled out of his eyes.

He wished that he was back at Horizon. That he was sitting curled up on the sofa with Scott's arm wrapped around his shoulders and the rest of the gang gathered around them. A fire would be lit in the fireplace and cast flickering shadows across the room as his friends joked and laughed around him.

A sob broke through as the happy vision faded from his eyes and he was once again staring in to the darkening woods.

He would not make it.

The realisation hit him like a sledgehammer and he had to grip the tree even harder to keep his knees from buckling under him.

He would not make it to Horizon.

The tears fell faster from his eyes and he clenched them shut to try and stop the flow.

He had cut too deep and he had been too slow to bandage his arm and now it was all over. It had all been in vain. When he had finally found something to live for he had been stupid enough to throw it away. He wanted to laugh at the irony of it but the only sound that came out was another sob.

"Hey kid, you alright?"

Harry spun around in surprise but the move was too fast and he felt the world wobble as black spots covered his vision and he fell to the ground with a cry.

Blinking rapidly to clear his vision again he looked up to see a car parked by the side of the road with the window rolled down. He only had time to notice a silhouette inside before he heard a curse and the car-door opened as a man jumped out.

He looked like he was in his fifties with greying hair and pale skin and a was dressed casually in jeans and a jacket. The look on his face was concerned as he rushed towards Harry but stopped a few feet away and knelt down.

"Hey, are you alright?" the man asked again as Harry continued to stare at him.

"Yeah, I'm . . ." Harry started but trailed of as his tongue felt too thick for his mouth and the words came out slurred. He cleared his throat and rubbed a hand over his face before he tried again. "I'm fine."

The man stared at him for a long moment and Harry did his best to meet the stare head on even though he did not seem to be able to get the black spots to leave his vision.

"Ok," the man said finally. "And what are you doing out here?"

"I'm just going home," Harry answered without thinking but as soon as the words left his mouth he knew that they were right.

The man in front of him looked sceptic. "On your own? Couldn't anyone pick you up?"

Harry started to shake his head but had to stop when his vision only blurred again. "They don't know that I'm coming tonight."

The man regarded him for a long moment and there was something in his eyes that did not sit quite right with Harry but he could not put his finger on it.

Finally the man smiled and reached out a hand towards Harry. "Then you're coming with me."

"What?"

"I'll give you a lift home," the man said. "It's not safe walking out here on your own at night."

"No, no it's fine," Harry started and tried to scoot backwards but was already backed up against a tree.

"Oh, but I insist," the man said and before Harry had time to react the man had taken a firm hold on his, thankfully, good arm and hauled him to his feet. The move was so sudden that Harry's world started to spin but the man kept a firm grip on him so he didn't topple over again and before he had time to protest the man had placed him in the passenger-seat and closed the door.

A moment later the man sat down in the driver-seat, closed his door and started to drive.

Harry's heartbeat was speeding up again and it was hard to swallow past the lump that had formed in his throat. He stared out at the trees that swished past the window and he hated the feeling of being trapped.

But why was he so nervous? Maybe this was a good thing? Only a few minutes ago he had given up on ever seeing Horizon again, sure that he would not be able to make it, but now he was in a car and moving much faster then he had been on foot so maybe it was not too late. Maybe he could get to Horizon in time and the school-nurse would fix him up and everything would turn out ok.

Maybe.

But then why was every fibre of his being telling him to run?

"So what's your name, kid?"

Harry cast a quick look at the man before he fastened his eyes on the road ahead. "Harry."

"Ok Harry, I'm Ben," the man said and Harry only hummed in reply. "So what happened to your arm?"

Harry glanced down at the arm lying on his lap and was glad that it was dark enough that you could not see the bloodstains. "It's just a cut," he said and tried to shrug but his whole body seemed too tired and too heavy to move. "It's no bid deal."

"Are you sure?" Ben asked and reached out towards Harry's arm. "Maybe I should take a look at it."

Just before the man touched Harry's wounded arm he found the strength to pull it away and instead wrapped it securely around his stomach the other arm coming up to cover it. "It's fine," he said.

Ben's hand hovered in the air for a second before it relaxed but instead of withdrawing it fell down and lay on Harry's thigh. Harry stared at it, his heart starting to beat franticly in his chest, and the lump that had previously been in his throat now seemed to settle with a dull thud in his stomach.

"You know, Harry, it really isn't safe to be walking way out here all alone at night." Ben started. "There's all kinds of sick people out there and if you're parents doesn't even know that you're coming home tonight then you could be gone for a long while before anyone notices. You're lucky I came along," he said and turned to smile at Harry before his eyes turned back to the road.

Ben's thumb started to move in slow circles against Harry's thigh and he squeezed his eyes close to block the vision out, to pretend that he was somewhere else, that this was not happening, but he could not block out the feeling of a hand caressing his thigh. He wanted to scream, to fight, but his body just would not move.

"I was just driving home from work," Ben continued, "when I spotted you by the trees. Thought it odd to find a young boy like you out here in the middle of nowhere and then I saw that you didn't seem to be alright. Yes, yes, I know you say you are but it's clear as day that you're not." His hand squeezed tighter for a second before the whole hand started to rub against Harry's leg and Ben turned his eyes to the side and regarded Harry's face. "You're quite beautiful, Harry."

Harry felt sick. He felt sick and disgusting and he was afraid that if his heart did not slow down soon it would beat its way straight out of his chest. He tried to scoot away from Ben but there was not enough room and the other man only seemed to take it as encouragement as his hand slowly slipped down between Harry's legs. He tried to scream but the sound got caught in his throat and all that came out was a whispered "Stop" that Ben did not even seem to hear.

"We could have some fun together, you and I," the man said. "I'm giving you a lift after all and should not I get something in return?" His confidence seemed to grow as his hand rubbed faster and squeezed harder and Harry was sure there would be bruises.

Suddenly the hand was gone and Harry opened his eyes in surprise to see Ben pulling over by the side of the road and putting the car in to park. Harry only had the time to comprehend that they had stopped before Ben's hand was once again on him, moving higher and higher with every stroke, as his other hand grabbed Harry's chin and turned him around to face him.

Ben's face was only an inch away from his own and he could feel the mans hot breath and see his pupils dilate as they stared at eachother.

"So beautiful," Ben whispered and then his lips crashed against Harry's and his tongue forced its way inside as the man pressed up against him.

It was like a shock ran through Harry and his previously unresponsive body jolted alive with it. He tried to scream but it came out muffled with the other man's mouth on his own and his arms fought wildly, scratching and hitting anything in reach to get the other man away from him. When Ben's only response was to growl in to Harry's mouth and move his hand the last inch to squeeze Harry's cock through his jeans he went ballistic. With every strength left in his body he bit down as hard as he could and held on even as Ben screamed, even as he tried to pull away Harry clenched his jaws and did not let go, not until the taste of iron started to flood his mouth and run down his throat. Then he opened his jaws and spit the blood out in to Ben's face as the man howled in pain.

A second later Harry was out of the car and on stumbling legs he ran down the road, back the way they had come, listening all the while for the sound of pounding footsteps or a car driving after him. Han ran until his lungs burned, until his vision was covered in black spots and his feet were finally too heavy to lift and he tripped on the flat road. He scratched his knees and his hands but he could not really feel it as he just lay there and tried to suck air back in to his lungs.

When the need for air was not as desperate anymore and his heart-rate started to slow down a sob finally broke through him and after that there was no stopping the tears. They flowed down his face as he cried for the unfairness of the world, of the fact that he would die out here alone and his last memory would be of Ben's demanding hands and his forceful mouth and not of Scott's sweet touch.

When his vision slowly faded he welcomed the darkness.


	28. Find Him

Disclaimer – Still don't own Harry Potter or Higher Ground.

Author Notes – There are so many excuses that I could use but none of them matter and none of them are good enough for such a long wait. I'm sorry!

Instead I want to thank everyone who's reviewed this story, put it on their favourite list or on story alert. You helped to keep me motivated when this chapter made me want to pull my hair out and I felt so happy (and so guilty) every time I got a new message that proved that everyone hadn't given up on me. And an extra thank you to CatishAngel07 who wrote to check up on me!

**Chapter 28 – Find Him**

_You have come into a hard world. I know of only one easy place in it, and that is the grave._

_- Henry Ward Beecher_

Scott drummed his fingers restlessly against his thigh as he stared out the window at the passing landscape. They had been driving around for hours now and so long there had not been a single trace of Harry anywhere. They were not the only ones out looking for him, several cops were out as well as some volunteers, and he really thought that someone should have seen something by now. He would bet his life that Harry was heading towards Horizon, but why then could not they find him?

He brought his other hand up and rubbed it over his face. He knew the answer. Harry did not trust adults. And he especially did not trust cops. It was something almost everyone that came to Horizon had to work on, learning to trust adults again, since most had only been let down by the adults in their life, either by abuse or their inability to help. So if Harry saw a car coming he would most likely hide, afraid of what would happen if he was found.

"This is fuckin' pointless," Scott snapped and his hand that had previously drummed against his thigh instead clenched in to a fist. "We'll never find him!"

He more felt then saw Peter shift beside him but pointedly refused to turn and look at the older man.

"You can not give up on him, Scott," Peter said softly. "We will find him, somehow, and then he will need you to be strong for him."

Scott scowled. "How?" he asked. "How will we find him? We're just driving around in circles and for all we know he might already by lying dead in a ditch somewhere!"

A weight settled deep in his stomach. It was the first time he voiced the thought, first time he even dared to think it, but he knew that it was a very real fear. And admitting it out loud only made it even more real.

Harry could be dead. Gone. He could be lying cold and lifeless in a ditch or out in the woods somewhere where no-one would ever find him. He could have died all alone and Scott would never get to touch him, to hold him ever again. Never even get to see him.

"You can not think like that," Peter said. "We need to stay hopeful."

Scott could only shake his head as he stared out the window, willing the tears not to fall from his eyes. Hopeful had never been in his vocabulary.

- line break -

Light broke through the darkness, blinding and relentless, and he tried to put up a hand to shield his eyes but it did not move. He frowned instead and groaned when his head ached with every slow beat of his heart.

A screeching sound somewhere in the distance and he just wanted to fade away again, go back in to the darkness and stay there until everything stopped hurting. His body felt too sensitive and too dull at the same time, like every little movement caused him pain but the body was too used to it so it did not really comprehend anymore.

A rhythmic pounding and it took him a moment to realise that it was not the sound of his heart but the heavy fall of footsteps running towards him. He felt panic rise inside him and he tried to move again but his body was still unresponsive and it only led to another burst of pain that caused flashes before his eyes.

"Oh my god," a voice said and then there was the sound of someone kneeling down beside him and he could not stop the flinch that ripped through his body.

Unwanted memories flashed before his eyes of blood and pain and hands and – oh god – the tongue. He wanted to scream, to run, to fight but he could not move and the panic rose even higher.

"Hey kid, you awake?" the voice spoke again. "God, there's so much blood. Jen, call 911!"

"Is he alive?" another voice said and Harry realised it was a women.

He searched through his memory but he could not recall any women. There was aunt Petunia but this was not her. Petunias voice was too high-pitched, to nasal, and her voice would never sound so scared, so concerned when talking about him. This was someone else and for the first time the panic started to dim.

He tried to speak but his mouth felt to dry and too raw and no sound would come out. He tried to swallow but it turned in to a cough and it felt like his whole body was being ripped in to two.

"Kid, hey, easy now." It was the male voice again but he could hear the women talking not far away. "Help's on the way, just hang in there. You're going to be fine."

"I – " Harry started but broke down coughing again and it took him a minute to get it back under control. "Horizon," he finally said though it came out more like a whisper.

"What? What did you say?" the male asked and suddenly there were footsteps again and a thud as the women knelt down next to him.

"Is he talking?"

"Horizon," Harry said, feeling the world starting to spin around him again. "I'm going," another cough, "to Horizon."

And he sank back in to the darkness.

-line break -

Scott watched as Peter paced across the road with the phone pressed to his ear. They had stopped for a few minutes so that Peter could check in with the others, see if there had been any word of Harry, but from his defeated posture and insistent pacing Scott knew that there had been nothing.

He relaxed back in his seat and tried to stretch his legs in the small cramped space. He should probably take the opportunity to get out of the car but he was just too tired and it only seemed like a bother.

He looked up when Peter got back in but when the older man only sighed heavily Scott turned away again.

"There's been no sight of him," Peter said and ran a hand through his short hair. "Not a word."

Scott did not respond, he just stared down in to his lap. He tried to conjure up images of Harry smiling, laughing, joking around but all he could see was the other boy with blood and dirt on his face and tears running from his eyes. His heart ached.

"We'll find him, Scott," Peter said and gave his shoulder a quick squeeze. "Somehow."

"What if it's too late?" Scott said, his words only a whisper but he knew that Peter heard him. "What if we're too slow?"

"We won't be," the older man said but Scott heard the uncertainty in the others voice that he could not really hide.

Scott swallowed. "I can't lose him, Peter. Not like this."

They were both quiet for several minutes, contemplating everything that had happened and how it all would end. Scott felt tears threaten to fall but he blinked rapidly to clear them away. It would not help anyway.

"Scott, I know that the two of you have become close," Peter said after awhile. "And I think that is good for the both of you, but I'm a little concerned over how close you are."

Scott tensed. He could not meet Peter's eyes. "I dunno what you mean."

Peter sighed. "I think you do. Scott, is there anything going on between you and Harry?"

"I don't see how that's any of your business."

"It is my business because you go to my school and I am responsible for the two of you." Another sigh. "Just be honest with me, Scott."

He knew that he should deny it, to say that they were just close friends and nothing more, but he could not. Denying whatever there was between them felt like betraying Harry and that was not something he could do, especially when the situation was what it was.

"I like him," he admitted quietly. "And I think he likes me."

- line break -

Everything hurt. It felt like he had been run over by a truck after just having dug his way out of his own grave. It kinda sucked.

He slowly opened his eyes but had to close them again at the blinding light that surrounded him. He waited a second for the spots to clear from his vision and then carefully tried to open his eyes again, one small crack at a time so that they could adjust. It felt like it took several minutes but finally he was able to look around at his surroundings.

It was clearly a hospital-room. There was no way to mistake the blinding whiteness of the room or the sterile smell that invaded his nose. He had been to the hospital a couple of times in his life although he would admit that it had probably been fewer times then needed considering the Dursleys' only took him when he was hurt or sick enough for other people to notice.

He barely had time to finish the thought that he was alone before the door opened and a nurse walked in. She looked to be in her late twenties with brown hair pulled back in to a low ponytail. She was staring down at what he supposed was his chart with a frown on her face and had almost reached his bed when she finally looked up and spotted him.

If he had not been in pain and just woken up in a hospital room he would probably have laughed his ass of as she jumped about a foot in the air, a squeak escaping her as her hand came up to clutch at her heart. As it was he only managed to raise an eyebrow.

"Oh my, you're awake!" she said in a rush. "I'll get the doctor!" And then she ran out the room.

"I'm fine, thank you. How are you?" he muttered under his breath and closed his eyes with a sigh.

How did he end up here?

He had gone back to the Dursleys' and it had been hell, of course. And then there had been that fight with Dudley and he had threatened him with a kitchen-knife.

His eyes widened. He had threatened Dudley with a knife? And Vernon had not killed him for it? He looked around again. If this was heaven then it really was not what it was cracked up to be.

But no, wait! His arm!

It was under the covers but he quickly flipped them of, ignoring the pain that shot through him at the motion, and saw that white bandages wrapped all the way from his wrist up to his elbow. Ok, so that was good he supposed.

So he had fought with Dudley, threatened him and then cut up his own arm.

And then he ran.

The door opened again and he snapped his eyes around to watch as the nurse walked back in but this time followed by a doctor. It was a guy a bit older then the nurse, probably around forty, and as soon as he saw Harry a smile broke out over his face.

Harry's responding sneer felt like a reflex.

"Ah, it's good to see you awake," the doctor said cheerfully. "You had lost a lot of blood so you had us a bit worried. Are you in any pain?"

"No." Well, of course he was but it was not something he would admit. Never show weakness and that included admitting when it hurt. He could deal with some discomfort.

"That's good," the doctor said and turned to the nurse. "But I think the morfin should be wearing of soon so it should be time for another dose."

The nurse nodded and for the first time Harry noticed the syringe in her hand. He tensed as she stepped closer to him, ready to spit out some insults to get her to back of but instead she injected the medicine in to an IV-bag.

He looked down at his arm and for the first time noticed the IV-line put in to it. Huh, maybe he was a bit more out of it then he had thought.

"How did I get here?" He had not really meant to say it out loud but he was feeling more and more confused and it felt like something important had happened but he could not remember.

"A couple found you laying on the road," the doctor said and his voice sounded a lot more serious now. "You were drifting in and out of conscious and there was a lot of blood, mainly on your arm and your face. They called 911 and you came here." He paused for a second. "Are you Harry Potter?"

Harry looked up at that and he was sure that the surprise was clear on his face. "How did you know that?" he asked suspiciously.

"When you came in we searched through the list of missing persons and you came up. I just needed to confirm that we weren't mistaken."

He could not believe it. Had the Dursleys' really reported him missing? He would have thought that they would be happy that he was gone and just pretend that he had never existed.

"Now, Harry," the doctor continued. "As I said, you had lost a lot of blood when you came in and were also dehydrated. There is also some bruising on your face, arm, side and stomach that seem to be a few days old at least and some on your leg that seem more resent." There was another pause and Harry shifted uncomfortably under the doctor's intense look.

"Now, while the cuts in your arm explain most of the blood it does not explain why there was so much on your face and around your mouth in particular. Can you tell us how that happened?"

Harry did not hear him anymore. Blood was rushing in his ears as the memories started crashing down on him again; his frantic run to escape Vernon's wrath, how long it took before he wrapped up his arm, how weak he had felt and how he had realised that it had all been in vain because he would not make it. And Ben.

Harry's stomach rolled and he felt sweat brake out on his forehead and his palms. Distantly he heard the doctor calling him as they rushed around him but he was too distracted by the feel of fingers rubbing his leg and lips crashing against his and – oh god – the tongue being shoved down his throat.

A laugh escaped him, bubbling up from the inside, and he knew he sounded crazy and that tears were streaming down his cheeks but he could not stop.

"I think I bit it off," he laughed just as the darkness took him under again.


	29. Lost And Found

Disclaimer- Don't own so don't sue!

Author Notes – Yes, bad author! Bad! There are no excuses for taking this long but I'm still sorry. Thank you to those that haven't given up on me and who keep encuraging me to continue. You don't know how much that means!

And this chapter didn't turn out at all like I thought it would (one of the reasons it's taken this long) but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway!

**Chapter 29 – Lost And Found**

_Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway._

– _Mary Kay Ash_

The elevator-door had barely opened before Scott squeezed through the crack and ran down the hallway. He could hear Peter yelling behind him but he did not have time to stop and wait for the man. The hallway seemed to go on forever but finally it opened up in to a reception-area and he skidded to a halt against the nurses station.

The nurse sitting there jumped in surprise and opened her mouth to say something, probably reprimand him for running in the hall, but he spoke up before she could.

"Harry Potter?" he asked. "Where is he?"

She closed her mouth again and looked him over. Something in her eyes seemed to soften and he guessed that it had to do with the fact that he probably looked like an emotional mess but he did not care and did not have time to dwell on it.

"Where is he?" he repeated and his hands gripped the counter so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"I'm sorry," she said, "but are you a family member?"

He shook his head. "No. No, I'm a – a friend. A classmate."

"Then I'm sorry but I can't give out any information." If it was not for the fact that she actually did look sorry he thought he might have strangled her.

"Is there a problem here?"

Scott swirled around to see Peter walking up to the desk after finally having caught up.

"They won't let me see him," Scott said at once and he did not even try to hide the desperate tone in his voice. Peter just nodded at him and turned towards the nurse.

"Nurse," he glanced down at her nametag, "Forrester, I know you are just doing your job but we are here to see Harry Potter. He was a student at my school for teens at risk until his family pulled him out against our recommendations. Soon after that he ran away from what we believe was an abusing home and we have searched for him since." His eyes softened. "Now, I can not help but in some ways feel responsible for what has happened to him and I want to see for myself that he is safe and alive, I hope you can understand that."

Nurse Forrester looked uncertain and glanced towards a door down the hall and Scott had to bite down on his tongue to keep himself from screaming at her.

"If it helps I could give you the number to Harry's godfather who is trying to get custody of him. And I'm sure Mr Black's lawyer will be here any minute now too."

"Yes," the nurse nodded and looked a little relived. "Yes, that sounds like a good idea. If you could give me the number I will call right away."

"Of course," Peter said and took out his phone. He then glanced up at Scott before facing the nurse with his most charming smile. "Perhaps Scott here could go visit Harry while we sort this out? I'm sure it would do Harry some good to see a friend."

Nurse Forrester looked Scott up and down and he tried his best to look responsible or charming or what ever it was she wanted him to look like but he could not stop twitching and feared that he probably looked more like he needed to go to the toilet real bad. But after a moment she smiled at him and turned back towards Peter.

"I think you're right. It's door 307, down that way on the right."

Scott was of and running before she had even finished her sentence. It only took a moment to find the door but he paused with his hand on the doorknob and took a deep breath before opening it slowly.

The room was bright. Sun was shining in through the window and reflecting on the white walls, ceiling and floor and it took several moments for his eyes to adjust. But when they did they were immediately drawn to the still figure laying on the bed.

Harry's eyes were closed and from the steady rise and fall of his chest Scott was sure that he was sleeping. His raven locks were as unruly as ever and were sticking up in every direction and one lock had fallen down over his left eye and gave a stark contrast to the paleness of his skin.

And there was a bruise. It had to be at least a few days old because it had already started fading in to yellow but it was still big and it still looked like it hurt.

Scott wanted to hit something.

But he took a deep breath and walked closer before slowly sinking down on the bed beside the sleeping boy. Harry did not deserve this. Maybe he acted tough and like he did not give a damn about anything but Scott had seen the other side of him. He had seen him at his most vulnerable when he let his walls down and the boy behind them was so strong but now even he had reached his limit. It was not fair that he got pushed and pushed until he broke down.

There was not really a conscious decision to move but once his fingers reached up to gently stroke Harry's cheek he did not think he would ever want to stop. The skin was soft and hot beneath his fingers and he realised that the other boy probably had a fever.

A soft moan rumbled up from deep inside Harry's chest and he twisted a bit on the bed as Scott's fingers travelled their way up and tangled in the soft raven curls.

The blondes heart-beat sped up again as Harry's eyelids slowly fluttered open and after blinking for a few moments his eyes focused on Scott.

There was only silence as they looked at each-other for what felt like an eternity and was only broken when Harry blinked his eyes again.

"How did you get here?" he asked, his voice still sounding a bit sleepy and rough from disuse.

"Peter drove me," Scott responded quietly. "We've been looking for you."

Harry frowned and shuffled a bit on the bed and Scott let his hand pull back and rest on his own lap.

"Looking for me? Why?"

"Because you were gone," Scott said and it was his turn to frown now.

Harry shook his head and shuffled a bit more to try and get himself in a sitting position. "Yeah, but how did you know? I can't believe the Dursleys would tell anyone."

Scott looked around for a second and found the remote to lift up the head of the bed. He picked it up and reached it out to Harry who took it with a nod and raised the bed until he was sitting a bit more comfortably.

"Black's lawyer went to get ya but they got there too late," Scott continued after a moment. "Your uncle said you had run away but they found blood and . . . " he trailed of and had to close his eyes for a second as the fear he had felt since he had heard the news made itself known again. "Fuck, Harry," he choked out and he could feel his hands shaking as he opened his eyes to stare at the other boy again. "Fuck, I was so scared."

Tears were welling up in his eyes now and he tried to blink them away but from the wide-eyed surprise on Harry's face he knew that he could see it.

"We've been lookin' for you since we found out but by then you'd already been gone for atleast a day and we tried driving up and down the roads but the chance of finding you was so small and all I could think about was what if we were too late? What if we'd find ya as a body in a ditch? Fuck, Harry, I just – I didn't – "

He broke of with a sob and he hated to cry but he just could not keep it in any longer. He felt like fear had been the only think to keep him going for so long and now that it was draining away there was just nothing left. Harry was here, he was safe, and Scott could finally allow himself to just fall to pieces.

"I wasn't leaving you."

The words were said in a whisper but they surprised Scott enough that snapped his head up to look at the boy on the bed.

Harry was looking right back at him. His face was calm as he studied the blonde, his eyebrows pulling together for a second as he seemed to puzzle over something but then smoothing out again as he shook his head and looked Scott in the eye.

"It all went to hell," he said softly. "I knew it would but I didn't think it'd go like that." A chuckle passed over his lips and he shook his head again. "You should have seen the look on Dudley's face. Priceless." A smile stretched over his lips but it was thin and hollow and it made Scott's heart ache. "And the knife was just there and I knew I only had a few minutes 'cause he'd beat the living shit out of me when he found out and I didn't want him to have that power so it was just better to end it myself, you know?"

Harry was babbling now and his eyes were flickering all over, meeting Scott's for a second only to snap to the window or the bed or the door and back again, and his hands were twisting in the sheets as if they just needed to be doing _something_.

"Harry . . ." Scott said softly but he did not know what to say and Harry was not listening anyway.

"And I was! I was going to end it then and there and it'd all be over but then I heard you." His eyes finally stopped flickering and his gaze settled on Scott's. "I heard you," he whispered and another smile crossed his lips, this one soft and warm and gentle. "I heard you and I knew that I couldn't leave you. Not like that. So I figured it out."

Scott was silent for a moment, just staring at the boy before him, and then a laugh tore it's way out of him. It just burst from deep within him as a smile broke his face in two and, God, did it feel good!

Harry was watching him silently but the smile on his face was growing bigger as Scott shook his head and ran his hands through his own hair.

"Fuck, Harry, ya sure you weren't a jock in a previous life?" he said with a warm smile, laughter still bubbling in his stomach. "'Cause that's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard."

A surprised laugh burst out of Harry and it only made Scott's own laugh return full force.

They were laughing so hard that neither noticed the door opening and Peter and the doctor stepping inside until Peter cleared his throat.

"When I told the nurse that it would probably do Harry some good to see a friend, this was not really what I was expecting," Peter said with a smile.

Scott cast a quick look at Harry who had sobered up when he noticed their company but he still looked a lot more at ease than he had before. "Yeah well, ya know me, Peter," he said with a wink at Harry. "I'm a people pleaser."


	30. Second Chances

Disclaimer – Still not making any money on this.

Author notes – Yes, still bad author over here. You are all allowed to hate me a little bit for taking this long. But I want to give a giant thank you to everyone's who reviewed and also a special thank you to those who has written me on Tumblr asking about updates. It's good to know that people still care about this little story.

**Chapter 30 – Second Chances**

"_What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop."_

– _Meredith Grey_

Harry shifted a bit on the bed, stretched his legs and wiggled his toes for a second, before he relaxed against the cushions again. He had stopped feeling comfortable a few hours ago when his ass started protesting his position by falling asleep and since then he had not been able to find a position that really felt comfortable for his whole body. It was weird, for so many years he had been forced to get up early every day and he had longed for the opportunity to just stay in bed all day but now, when he had his chance, he was starting to hate it.

He would have left the bed hours ago – mothering nurses be damned – but he still felt exhausted and even if the bed was uncomfortable getting up seemed like too much effort.

Sighing he lifted his hands to rub his eyes but when he felt a small tug at his hand he stopped the motion and sneered down at the IV-line that had gotten tangled up in sheets. He understood that it was there to help him and that he would probably feel a lot worse without it but it was still fucking irritating.

Grumbling a bit under his breath he gave up and flopped down on the bed. He knew that he probably looked like a petulant little kid but he was uncomfortable and bored and no-one was here to see him and when the hell was Scott coming back anyway? The blonde had just left to go eat something in the cafeteria with Peter but he really should have been back by now. And he had promised to try and sneak some candy back with him and Harry really felt like he deserved some candy if he was forced to stay in this damn bed.

As if on cue the door opened and Harry looked up expectantly. If Scott had managed to bring some chocolate back then he was ready to forgive and forget, no hard feelings.

But it was not Scott that walked in to the room and Harry felt his face fall as his eyes landed on his godfather.

"Harry," Sirius said as soon as he saw him and the name came out almost like a breath that he had been forced to hold in for too long and now could finally let out again. There were some tears gathering in his eyes but a smile was slowly spreading on his lips and it reminded Harry of a younger Sirius, the one that was always smiling, always happy, always telling jokes.

He shifted again, feeling uncomfortable for a whole other reason, and let his eyes drift down to his lap. "Hi," he said, mostly because it felt like he had to say something but as soon as the word slipped past his lips it felt awkward and he frowned down at his lap. 'Hi'? Was that really the best he could come up with?

But Sirius did not seem to mind as he closed the door behind him and walked further in to the room. "I'm so glad you're alright," he said and let his eyes sweep over Harry's body like he was checking if he really was. Since his smile only got wider Harry suspected that he passed the test. "I've been so worried, you have no idea. Those fucking Dursley's," he snarled and his smile slipped for a second but then he took a deep breath and closed his eyes and when he opened them again he gave Harry another smile. "But you're alright now. That's all that matters. That you're safe."

Harry could not contain the snort that escaped him at those words or the sneer he sent Sirius way but even as he opened his mouth he begged himself to just shut up for once, to not ruin this. But it was too late. "So now it matters."

He had to look away as Sirius face fell and he could already feel the guilt growing in his chest but he could not take the words back. Maybe Sirius really did care, _maybe_, but he had been gone for so long and what about all those years? Did not it matter then? And Harry was a mean little basterd, he knew that, but it was not all by choice. If Sirius had cared sooner maybe Harry could have been a whole other person.

"I'm sorry." The words were only a whisper and they were not enough so Harry just shook his head and turned away. "For everything," Sirius continued. "I'm so sorry."

"Everyone's always sorry," Harry muttered but tensed a moment later as Sirius suddenly took a few quick steps until he was standing right next to the bed.

"And I'm sorry about that too," he said in a rush and Harry could not help but to look up at him and meet Sirius eyes. There was a sharpness in them that he had never seen before and which made it impossible to look away.

"I know people have failed you, Harry. We've all failed you," Sirius continued. "And there's no excuse good enough and I hate myself for not doing anything sooner, but I'm still so very sorry for everything that you've had to go through. You did not deserve any of it. I need you to know that."

There was a lump in Harry's throat and he tried to swallow but it did not help. He felt weird and exposed and his heart was beating a mile per minute but still his eyes were glued to Sirius. He wanted to look away, to sneer, to say something _hurtful_ but in the end only a small whisper passed his lips.

"Okay."

The surprise that took over Sirius face only lasted for a second before a blinding smile split his face in two and Harry felt a small smile tug at his own lips in response so he quickly looked away. One step at a time.

"Okay then," Sirius said with a laugh. Casting a quick look around he spotted the chair standing on the right side of the bed – the chair Scott had been sitting in for hours – and unceremoniously walked over and flopped down on it with another laugh. "Good."

Silence settled over the room and Harry thought that it would feel weird but it did not. It felt, strangely enough, comfortable. Easy.

He knew it was too good to last.

"So, I talked to the doctors," Sirius said and even if the words them selves had not made Harry tense up than the almost hesitant way the older man said them would have.

"Yeah? Are those quacks going to release me soon?" he asked and twisted his hands in the sheets, his body tensing more for every second, but Sirius continued as if he had not heard.

"They told me about the cuts," he said. "And the bruising. You've lost a lot of blood, Harry, and you were really dehydrated. But," and here he paused for a second, "they can't make it all add up."

Harry knew were this were going. The doctors had already asked him once but apparently his little freak out had scared them enough to not try it again but it really was a low blow to send Sirius to do it instead.

"You didn't have any wounds on your face," Sirius continued. "A big bruise and a few small scratches but nothing that could explain all the blood. So they took a sample and," he paused again, looking unsure, "it wasn't yours."

There was a ringing in Harry's ears now and he wanted to cover them with his hands to make it stop but he knew that it wouldn't help. His hands were clenching the sheets so hard his knuckles had turned white and he had to blink his eyes quickly to clear them. He was not about to cry. He was not.

"Where did the blood come from, Harry?"

He could taste iron in his mouth and first he thought that is was some kind of phantom memory but then he realised that he had bitten through his own lip and the taste and the memory combined was almost enough to make him gag.

"Harry? Whose blood was it?"

"Don't."

It took him a second to realise that he was the one who had spoken but once he did he forced himself to continue. "Please, Sirius." The words felt so foreign on his tongue. To have to ask – to plead – for something was not something that he used to allow himself to do because it gave people a chance to turn him down and to see him weak. It was better to take what he could and damn the rest. But now . . .

"Can we not talk about this?" Harry asked. "Please."

He did not dare look up, both afraid of seeing Sirius' reaction and of showing how close to tears he actually was.

The hand on his shoulder startled him and he twisted away from it before he even had processed what had happened. When he finally did he chanced a look at his godfather now standing beside the bed and his hand slowly falling down to hang by his side again.

"Okay," Sirius said, as if nothing had happened even though his smile looked a bit forced. "If you don't want to talk about it then that's okay. You don't have to."

Harry felt a weight lift from his shoulders as he took in a shuddering breath. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Sirius said and his smile looked easier now. "But if you ever do want to talk about it, you can always come to me, okay?"

Harry doubted that he ever would and he doubted even more that he would ever want to tell Sirius but he nodded anyway. "Okay."

The smile Sirius gave him kind of made it feel worth it.

As the older man took his seat again Harry remembered something and he frowned as he looked at his godfather.

"Scott said something earlier," he said and continued when Sirius gave him a questioning look. "That your lawyer had gone to the Dursley's and that's why people knew I had run away. But," his eyebrows pulled together in confusion, "what was he doing there?"

Sirius sighed and lifted a hand to scratch at his neck. "I really had hoped to bring this up under other circumstances but I guess now's as good a time as any." he shifted a bit in his seat before he met Harry's eyes.

"I've filed for adoption," he said and when Harry only looked more confused he continued. "For you."

The world tipped sideways for a moment and Harry had to grab on to the side of the bed. "What?"

"I'm your godfather, Harry, and I know I messed up chasing after that damn rat," he was leaning forward in his seat now, hands twisting in his lap like he was nervous, "but you were supposed to stay with me. I was supposed to take care of you. And I know this is really late but I was hoping that you'd give me a chance anyway. I probably don't deserve it but here's for hoping, right?"

Harry's head was spinning with all this information and he felt breathless all of a sudden. "You want," his voice broke of and he cleared his throat before trying again. "You want me to live with you?" The way Sirius nodded made him feel dizzy and he had to look away again.

"Yes," Sirius said. "I know you'll be eighteen in less than a year so it's not that much time, unless you want to stay longer because of course you can stay longer if you want I just thought that you'd want a place of your own then but if you want to stay you can stay!" With a chuckle Sirius broke of and leaned back in his chair again. "Sorry, I'm rambling, but I hope you know what I mean."

When Harry only stayed silent, frowning down at his lap, Sirius leaned forward again. "Harry?"

"You want me to stay with you?" Harry asked again, eyes still on his lap.

"Yes," Sirius answered.

"In England?"

It was Sirius turn to frown now. "Yes."

"I – " Harry started but broke of again. This was what he wanted right? What he had always dreamt of? That Sirius would come back for him and take him home and everything would be like it used to be. He wanted this.

So why was he hesitating?

"Harry," Sirius said and it was barely a whisper. "Harry, look at me."

It took a moment but Harry finally managed to lift his head and meet Sirius gentle eyes.

"Do you want to stay at Horizon?"

Did he? He had the chance to go back home, to England, to stay with his godfather who really seemed to care about him. But . . . he had not been in England for nine years. The friends he once had had probably forgotten him by now. His godfather seemed to care but he did not really know him. His parents where dead.

And than there was Horizon.

He had made friends there, no matter how unlikely it seemed. And yeah, he did not really like the woods or the teachers or the food but he liked _them_.

And he liked Scott.

"It's just – it's – " _I__t's home_.

When he looked at Sirius again there was a small smile on the mans lips.

"It's okay, Harry, " he said. "If you want to stay there then it's okay. I won't pull you out."

The relief was like a weight lifting of his chest.

"But," Sirius continued, "I'd still like to adopt you. If nothing else than at least to make sure that the Dursley's doesn't get the chance to try and pull something again. And also," he looked hesitant now, his hands twisting together again, "maybe I could come and visit you? Sometimes?"

Harry felt like laughing but he settled for a smile. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I think I'd be alright with that."


End file.
